Slipping Through Our Fingers

Chapter 9: Our light faded

Hitoshi held Denki's hand and rested his head on Neito's shoulder having his eyes closed, he felt so relaxed whenever they came to the garden.

But both him and Neito flinched a bit as they felt the small shocks on their hands "Denki you ok?" Hitoshi said as the small sparks kept forming on Denki's hands.

He never got an answer.

Just as fast as the sparks formed they disappeared, and with them taking Denki's life away.

Neito frowned and gently nudged Denki "Denki?" He said in asked, his breathing quickening as he realized Denki wasn't breathing "H-Hitoshi.." he breathe out trying his best not to break down, hoping it was just another nightmare, hoping it was fake.

Hitoshi shakily reached to check Denki's pulse, immediately tearing up when he didn't found any "f-fuck...no...Denki.." he mumbled under his breath.

Neito looked at Hitoshi in shock as tears started forming "n-no...he w-was getting better w-why did this happened.." he mumbled looking down at Denki's lifeless body.

"I...don't k-know Nei.." Hitoshi mumbled as he cried. That's when Neito realized that it wasn't a nightmare, he sobbed and trembled holding Denki's body close, remembering the many nightmares he had, how in each one of them he held Denki the way he was doing now, but this wasn't a nightmare, this was reality, he had just lost him.

Neito looked over at Hitoshi as he heard small sobs, he frowned and carefully placed Denki's body on the ground before going over to Hitoshi wrapping his arms around him and cried with him.

After a few long minutes of crying Hitoshi wiped his tears away and got up "we have to...take him to the m-morgue..." he mumbled as he went to pick up Denki's body and headed to the car, laying him on the back seats.

Neito followed him "I can drive if you want.." he mumbled "it's fine...I can drive" Hitoshi replied before he got in the driver's seat.

The next few hours were stressful for Hitoshi and Neito, talks about funeral arrangements, autopsy tests needed to be made on Denki's body, giving their declarations on what happened and why, and even having talks about wanting to make the news public or not.

By the time they got home they were exhausted mentally and emotionally. Hitoshi sat on the couch and rubbed his eyes taking deep breaths trying his best not to break down.

Neito sat next to him wrapping his arms around him and holding him close "don't hold it in Toshi...let it all out.." he mumbled, tears already forming on his own eyes, not bothering on wiping them away as they fell down his face.

Hitoshi took shaky breaths and cried. He sobbed holding onto Neito as he processed the fact that he wasn't getting Denki back, that he was gone for good.

Neito cried holding back a few sobs as he played with Hitoshi's hair hoping to give him some sort of comfort "it's late...why don't you try resting a bit..?" He suggested.

Hitoshi hiccuped and wiped his tears nodding a bit "can...we take a shower..?" He asked rubbing his eyes.

Neito nodded "yeah...we can" he said before the two of them headed to the bathroom.

Both of them got on the shower, Hitoshi just let the water fall down his body closing his eyes, letting a few tears fall down his face and mix with the water from the shower.

Neito frowned softly and massaged Hitoshi's shoulders sighing a bit, his fingers running through some of the scars on Hitoshi's arms, scars caused by what took Denki away from them that's when Neito let a few small sobs unable to hold back his emotions.

The two stayed on the shower for a while, until they both felt numb.

The two went to bed, Neito having his head rested on Hitoshi's chest as he numbly stared at the picture on the wall, numb tears formed on his eyes which made him close them not wanting to cry anymore.

He felt a kiss on his head and looked up at Hitoshi who had kissed his head but was currently staring at the ceiling "now what's going to happen..." he asked Neito.

Neito frowned softly and curled up a bit "I don't know...the house...feels so empty without him...and..e-everything reminds me of him...h-how are we going t-to...to m-move on from this..." he mumbled taking shaky breaths.

Hitoshi wrapped his arms around him "I don't know Neito...but we'll figure it out...all I know is...that it'll take time" he said kissing his head again.

Neito held onto him and nodded closing his eyes "I love you Hitoshi..." he said snuggling closer to him.

"I love you too Neito" Hitoshi replied before he played with Neito's hair humming a song.

Neito held onto the blanket that covered the both of them and closed his eyes, it smelled like Denki, it brought so many memories, of random talks they would have, of many times one of them needed reassurance, and it made him realize how this was the first time Hitoshi laid on the bed. Whenever they wanted to be with Hitoshi Neito and Denki would just go to Hitoshi's room but this was the first time Hitoshi was laying down on the bed that Neito considered his and Denki's.

Neito looked up at Hitoshi again, and interrupted whatever that was going on in Hitoshi's head with a soft kiss.

Hitoshi returned the kiss and hugged Neito who held onto the blanket, taking deep breaths taking in the scent, slowly feeling relaxed "night Toshi...I love you" he said before he closed his eyes slowly falling asleep "night Nei..love you too" Hitoshi replied, soon managing to fall asleep as well.

That's when a voice could be heard.

"Denki?"

"Why didn't you save me?

"I wanted to, I couldn't! I didn't knew how!"

"Did you even loved me?"

"Of course I did! I didn't want this to happen"

"You let it happen, I died because of you"

"Denki I didn't want this!"

"Is your fault I'm dead!"

And then another voice joined in.

"Why did you let him die?"

"Why did you let him leave us?"

"It's your fault he's dead!!"

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT HITOSHI!!" Both Neito's and Denki's voices screamed.

Hitoshi's eyes shot wide open as he gasped for air, slowly sitting up trying not to wake Neito up.

He teared up and rested his head on one of his hands trying to push away what the voices had said. He didn't wanted Denki to die, he would of done anything he could if it meant that Denki would live.

He silently cried as the voices...Neito's and Denki's voices kept screaming in his head, telling him how it wall all his fault.

He gripped his hair trying to shut them up, telling himself that they wouldn't say such things, that they wouldn't blame him. But deep down he blamed himself, deep down he told himself that he let Denki die.

And just like that Neito's and Denki's voices screaming in his head turned into his own.

His own voice telling him that he was the reason why Denki wasn't with them anymore.

And just like that Hitoshi had his first sleepless night filled with pain and grief, having only the voices on his head as company, waiting for daytime to come.