Blood, Sweat, and Tears - A Genshin OC Fanfic.

Part 12: Clouded Mind Through Pain and Amnesia

Venra thought about ways to contact Tobias. Xue didn't trust him, but she needed to at least give him a chance. It was gonna be hard convincing her that Tobias can help when he hasn't done a thing to help them at all.

"So you're saying I should just trust him because you do, Venra? That doesn't seem right." Xue said, laying her hand out on the wooden table they sat at, discussing whether communication with Tobias is needed.

"No, no I'm not. Please, Xue, you need to hear me o-" Venra was interrupted when Xue blurted something.

"No. I'm not gonna hear it. This is your safety we're all worried about. One wrong move and it ultimately lies in your own life. You're only 17 Venra...you have a whole life you need to live still."

"So what? You're 19! You have a whole life to live too! Let's live it now, and die a flashy death!  Let's challenge the Archons! Let's challenge ourselves! We can do all this stuff and you'd rather live a simple, boring life?"

Xue frowns, and sets her other hand down, and then grabs Venra's arm.

"And so what if I don't? What then? You aren't going to tell me no, are you?"

Venra was struck with a sudden silence that all felt too familiar. The feeling of being silenced. Her thoughts being countered, one by one, attacked and defeated. Silenced, just as all the other Harbingers did. Silence her. Kept her down, kept her quiet, kept her tame and kept her submitting to their every order. They asked, she did.

She was tired. Sick and tired.

But then again...Xue was also tired...she looked more tired than even Venra did. Maybe she wasn't aware of that fact at first, but now she is and she feels...sorry.

"...sorry. I should really leave you alone."

Venra got up and left the room, while Xue called out for her. Venra wiped off her incoming tears, and kept a poker face the entire time. Venra was slipping back into Harbinger mode. She always kept a poker face then. If nobody did what she asked, she'd do it herself, then. But her body felt so tired. It couldn't possibly take the bear of doing this all over again. She leaned against a tree and heaved a breath.

WHY AM I DOING THIS.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING WORTH ANYTHING.

AM. I. USELESS?

Venra held her head down with shame as the cold breeze wafted through her hair. She looked up and it started to rain.

"What a fitting background huh...?"

Venra laughed coldly. Thunder struck and the trees shook with the wind. It was cold and scary, but at this point, what else could be scarier than her own mind? It was clearly obvious that she was trying desperately to stay the real her. Not the fake self she thought she was. She isn't a killer, and she never wanted to be. She wanted to be a hero.

She wanted to save people.

Save herself.

Save the nation.

During the ever-constant patter of rain, Venra's tears were lost among them. She was afraid of the world, afraid of herself, but why was she? Why be afraid when you can shape yourself to be "fearless" and "strong"? Why beg on your knees like an animal when you can be the one making people begging on their own knees like animals? Why be you when you can be someone else for a change?

I never hurt anyone, right?

"Where did Venra go?!" Mizuto asked, searching the whole house for her. Xue was just as panicked, unsure on where she could have gone after their discussion. She felt awfully guilty for making her run off like she did. Xue was too afraid to even step outside the house to look for her. Mizuto stares at his polearm, and then outside. The thunder cracks, and he grits his teeth. Looking back at the polearm again, he had made and finalized his decision.