Finding My Safe Space

Prologue

"Ry, uuwi ka na ba after this?" Lara, an acquaintance, asked.

We're attending a lecture kasi na related to music since we're both interested in that field.

"I'm not sure," I answered. It was about to end na pero hindi pa rin ako nakakapagdecide if I would go home or stay muna inside the campus, wala na kasi akong klase pa. But I don't feel like going home early, too.

"Should we go shopping?" she asked, pero umiling lang ako.

"I already shopped yesterday...so I'm kind of tired." I placed my hand on my chin habang hinihintay na matawag ang pangalan ko. So boring.

"Ranielle Yasmin Dela Cruz.."

Geez. Finally.

I gracefully raised my hand. After the session ay naghiwalay na kami ni Lara dahil may balak siyang magshopping today, habang ako ay nagdecide muna na mag-catch ng fresh air sa freedom park.

"Gosh." Agad akong umilag no'ng may lumipad na bola papunta sa direksyon ko.

Kaya ayaw kong dumadaan sa quad dahil nakakatakot matamaan. I've been hit for like 3 times for the past 3 years of my stay here in FEU and those weren't good experiences dahil nagkakapasa ako. It's really annoying, bakit ba kasi ang lakas nilang pumalo. Angry ba sila?

I tried to walk faster, today's kind of irritating dahil maraming nagkakalat na tao sa campus ground, wala kasing regular classes because of the foundation week.  Flare sessions lang ang mayroon at kami mismo ang pipili kung ano 'yong like namin na daluhan dahil required ang attendance.

When I reached the Freedom Park ay umupo muna ako dahil medyo hiningal ako sa pagmamadali, sa 6th floor pa kasi ako ng Science building nanggaling.

While watching people, I recalled how tired I was last weekend. I went shopping and got busy with unboxing packages from abroad, just some luxury bags, clothes, shoes, skin care and make-up. I was all smiles but that faded when I found out that one of the packages sent to me was fake! Yeah, I was scammed and it's nakakainis. I was excited pa naman for my Dior make-up products and perfume, tapos fake lang pala. Gosh, bakit kaya ang dami ng manloloko sa mundo?

Were they happy na may naloloko sila? Tss. I really hate the feeling of being fooled.

I don't mind the wasted money that much, I just hate people who break my trust. Surely, this world is full of people like that scammer now. It's really sad. Felt like there's no safe space in this world anymore.

"Ry! Attend ka later sa SB 101. May lecture na inorganize 'yong Psych Soc." An acquaintance suddenly showed up in front of me.

I just gave her a nod. I'm not interested kasi tsaka I already chose the classes that I want to attend. Right now, I suddenly just want to get myself something to drink because I feel thirsty.

"Okay! See yah!" she positively said.

After few minutes ay tumayo na ako because I need to get myself going. Medyo crowded 'yong way kaya naaannoy ako, I'm petite pa naman kaya nakakatakot na maitulak ako. I tried to walk fast no'ng medyo nakalampas na ako sa crowded area. I walked the way patungong gate 4 para makalabas na, may Starbucks kasi sa harap and I'm suddenly craving coffee right now kaya do'n na ako didiretso.

"Aray!" Someone bumped unto me.

I just looked at her. It's her fault, nasa right side kaya ako, obviously I am in the right way. Siya kaya 'tong medyo lost, so magulo pang maglakad with her friends or foes, whatever.

I didn't bother saying sorry dahil alam ko namang hindi ko kasalanan. My sorrys are only reserved to those people that I've wronged. They're expensive...

"Grabe, hindi man lang nagsorry."

"Suplada."

I just rolled my eyes because of their remarks na akala yata nila ay hindi ko narinig. Why ba? Akala ba nila deaf ako? And uh, I am not suplada. I am just not mapagpakumbaba masyado, like when you're not even the one at fault pero magsosorry ka pa rin. Tss, how would those people at fault learn kung ikaw na walang kasalanan 'yong umaako ng fault na 'yon?

I gently flipped my hair. Whatever they say, I won't let myself get affected dahil hindi naman totoo 'yon. I know myself the better.

"Oy, ano ba kayo? Si Ranielle Dela Cruz 'yon! 'Yong pianist!"

I scoffed when I heard that. Uh yeah, I am kind of popular nga pala.

It was back when I was in high school, no'ng lagi akong nafefeature sa mga musical shows and even in one of the biggest talent shows in the country. I also won in contests for like 15 times.

That was years ago pero marami pa ring nakakakilala sa akin ngayon, I guess. Anyway, it shouldn't be my concern right now. I'm really thirsty na.

I was about to tap my ID para makalabas no'ng mahagip ng mga mata ko ang long time crush ko na si JJ, short for John Joseph Dominguez, the central student organization president of FEU. There's a lot of women admiring him because he seems to have it all. The talent, looks, leadership, and of course, he's kind and smart.

"Gosh." I whispered to myself. Lalo na no'ng mapansin na halos magkakasabay kami sa pagtatap ng ID.

I'm suddenly not thirsty. Super crush ko talaga siya.

Pagkalabas, I noticed that he started walking na papunta sa parteng patungong España.

Oh, why am I suddenly so curious...

Before thinking straight, I found myself tailing him.

Nagmamadali pa siya kaya mas binilisan ko rin ang lakad ko. Gosh, I'm really not used to it. Medyo nasagi pa ang kamay ko ng mga nagmamadaling tao sa daan kaya napa-'ouch' ako.

I smiled when I saw him stopped sa may pedestrian. I thought he's going to cross pero sa kabilang side pala siya dumiretso, which is sa Lerma side, as I recalled my classmates referring to that street. I am kind of scared going to that street pa naman dahil sa mga rumors.

But then... it's daytime naman.

I was about to chase him again when I suddenly stepped into a pebble and tripped.

"Oh, no." I shook my head when I saw that my jeans got dirty.

And uh, my right hand hurt a bit.

I tried to get the dirt off my pants at tumayo na kahit na medyo masakit 'yong knee ko.

Gosh, did someone saw what happened ba? It's embarrassing!

And it was immediately answered no'ng may tumawa sa likod ko. I immediately turned my back and when I saw who it was, I felt my whole body flinch.

Hindi naman nabagok ang ulo ko, so this is real? Right? I am not under the influence of a demon, right?

I cleared my throat.

"Crispin." I stated his name and looked at him sharply.

"It's nice to see you again, Ry." He let out an amused smile and took a step closer.

Okay, I think he saw what happened because it's evident on his face, on that freaking annoying hellish face of him. But what the hell is he doing here? He left years ago without a word but now he's here again.

To what? To bully me again? To completely ruin my life?

"It's not nice to see you again. Hindi ka na sana bumalik, peaceful na ang buhay ko eh." I answered, throwing him a deadly glare.

He just laughed and leaned closer to ruffle my hair. Argh, this is really annoying.

"Payatot ka pa rin pala at lampa," he said in between his laughs.

If only my glare could kill him, I am very sure na kanina pa siya pinaglalamayan.

"Uh yeah, kaya nga siguro ako minamalas ngayon. Because.....nandito ka nanaman. You're really a bad omen." I rolled my eyes before walking away.

And I'm sure he's laughing like crazy when I did that.