Finding My Safe Space

Chapter 4

Play together?

I tried to smile and just wave at him as I felt the strong feeling of disappointment and sadness gushing unto me. I am still affected every time I remember that nightmare and I hate it so much.

"Manong, can I go somewhere po muna?" I asked the driver. He immediately nodded and I kept myself busy with my phone after that.

I sighed. Every time I feel low, I always go to that place. It's not my safe haven, I just feel like I kind of feel okay there. And it's ironic that I hate the person who unintentionally introduced it me.

I was so happy earlier because of JJ and I can't believe it didn't even last that long. I can't blame him for saying those words though.

"What a fool," I whispered to myself.

Good thing the traffic wasn't that bad kaya mabilis lang kaming nakarating. I immediately went out of the car and the cold wind greeted me.

Another thing that I like every time I go here is the fresh and cold air. And right now, while looking at the city lights, it's perfect.

Umupo ako sa hood ng sasakyan as I admire the view from afar. The nightsky was clear and a lot of stars were visible, too.

"Everything is fine, Ranielle." I whispered to myself. "Just enjoy the view, don't be so affected. It'll be fine." I added.

I closed my eyes after that, trying so hard to calm myself from the chaotic thoughts inside my head. This is what I always do when my mind is in chaos.

"Ohh. May tao."

My eyes flew open and I immediately stood when someone spoke behind me. I furrowed my brows when I saw him.

"What are you doing here?" I gritted my teeth.

"Ah, I just remembered this place. Naisipan ko lang bisitahin, didn't know you're here." He shrugged his shoulders and walked closer. Agad naman akong umatras.

"Leave," I commanded. I hate his presence, especially now, in fact he's the last person I would want to see today.

"Oh! Easy there, this is a public property. You can't just shove me away." He smirked and even leaned closer.

I want to say rude words to him, gusto ko siyang awayin, but that's the last thing I would want to do now.

Pumunta ako dito dahil gusto ko lang munang makalanghap ng sariwa at malamig na hangin, mapag-isa, at magmuni-muni. I just want to be alone to feel peace again.

But now that he's here...Argh!

"You're disturbing me, just leave." I just ended up saying that before turning my back.

He didn't say a word but after few seconds I saw him in front of me, which made me leap a bit.

"Okay ka lang?" he asked at we stared at each other's eyes for a while.

I don't know if my eyes were just playing tricks on me or it's really true that his eyes are twinkling.

I furrowed my brows and threw him a glare when I realized something.

"Do I look like someone who's not okay?" This jerk is a good actor, I shouldn't be fooled! I know he's up into something again!

"Well, you look kind of bothered." He shrugged his shoulders. "Okay ka lang ba talaga?"

Lumayo ako sa kanya. I can't stand his presence! Why would he look at me like he care? I know he just want to bully me again, tss.

"It's because of you, intruder!" I shouted, he's really annoying. Why is he here kasi? I just want to have a peace of mind, but now, it's all ruined because of him!

Sa inis ko, pumasok na ako sa sasakyan and told the driver that we need to go na.

"Ma'am, si Sir Crispin po?" The driver asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Just leave him." I answered before shutting my eyes.

Tahimik ang biyahe and because of that, the thoughts and memories that I've been avoiding flooded into my mind.

There's a lot of them and they're so chaotic, the only thing that's clear is the truth.

The truth that I will not be able play the piano anymore, and it's all because of that accident.

I met that accident 4 years ago, while I was driving my car after winning a competition. I wasn't hurt anywhere except my right hand, it was like a freaking huge joke, kasi sa lahat, bakit kamay ko pa? My freaking dominant hand!

I've been through a lot of surgeries but to no avail, I still can't play the piano even if I am already able to move my hand a bit. My family decided to keep this as a secret because they don't want people pitying me. While I am busy denying that it ever happened. Yes, I refuse to believe everything!

Until now, I guess. I am still refusing to believe the truth. It's just to hard to bear, especially when playing the piano is the only thing I am good at.

I was so proud of myself, I love playing so much, but now, I can't do it anymore.

I covered my eyes as I felt my tears running down my cheeks.

And Crispin, he's the last person that I wanted to know about my condition, especially everytime I remember how I bragged my achievements to him sa tuwing nag-aaway kami. My pride can't take it. Pakiramdam ko pagtatawanan lang niya ako and he would pity me because I turned out like this.

That piano genius is now gone.

I tried to keep my sobs. I don't want other people to see my suffering, I don't want them to see and hear me crying.

"It's okay. You're okay." I repeatedly said to myself.

Pagkarating sa mansion, I immediately went to my room to fix myself. I showered and changed my clothes, I made sure na ayos na ang mukha ko before going to the dining area. Pagkababa ko I immediately looked for mom and dad. Wala sila sa dining area that's why dumiretso na ako sa study room, I thought they were there but I was wrong.

Because I can't find them ay pumunta na ako sa master's bedroom. I was about to knock when the door opened a bit.

"I told you already, they were suspicious, but you didn't listen to me!" My mom's voice echoed.

"I'll handle this, Yvette. We won't lose that much, I just need to close the deal next week," dad responded.

I furrowed my brows. Is there a problem with the company kaya?

"You're always saying that, Richard! We will be losing a lot! Kung magpapatuloy ay mahihirapan na tayo para bawiin! Just please be rational! Hindi 'yong puro instinct! Padalos-dalos ka eh!" mom said again.

"Hon, I won't let us fall, okay?"

I turned my back and went back to the dining area after that. I don't know what's happening, I am not sure but I think there's a problem. I want to ask them but now is not a good timing, I guess. Maybe I can just ask them tomorrow over breakfast.

I couldn't sleep that night that's why I decided to go downstairs to get something to drink. I was on my way down when I heard something broke but I didn't know where it came from so I just shrugged my shoulders and continued walking.

I really thought that was just nothing, not until I saw my father's hand full of bandage the next morning.

And that brought a lot of frightening thoughts inside my mind.