one minute || h.s

twenty-five

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She was in a tantalizing pair of skimpy sleep shorts and quite a revealingly small tank top when I walked in, which sucked, but the scowl on her face and the fetal position she was in told me she was in no mood for any sexual innuendos. Instead, I set the items down and grabbed a kitchen rag and placed it in the microwave. As it was heating up, I put the extra groceries that I’d picked up away in the pantry and the fridge, and then I brought my poor girl her crêpes. By the time the towel was hot, she was getting ready to sit back down after using the bathroom. “Here doll, put this where it hurts.”

“You should see the granny-panties I’m wearing right now.” I laughed and pulled down the hem of her shorts. Sure enough, there was a baggy pair of seemingly large undies, but she still looked bloody sexy as hell. 

“Very, very cute, baby.” She sat down and placed the hot rag on her pelvic region while I handed her the container that held her decadent crêpes. We got as comfortable as possible and I turned the telly on. “What to watch, what to watch…”

“Ummm…can we watch one of the Star Wars movies?” The pride I felt, thinking that this girl was mine, was unimaginable.

“Which one?”

“I’m feeling some Hayden Christensen…”

“Not Revenge of the Sith.”

“No, no…let’s watch Attack of the Clones.”

“Okay.” I stood back up and moved to the massive DVD cabinet. I loved how much of a movie buff she was. 

“Jude, no!” I turned to see the stupid creep trying to make off with my keys again. I sprinted after him and grabbed them from his mouth. Again, he hissed, but this time his stupid claws dug into my hand.

“Fücking stupid motherfück—”

“Harry!” I shook the minor pain away and Hallie was obviously trying not to laugh.

“I hate it, Hallie. It’s a twat bastard who has it pout for me.”

“Oh stop being so dramatic. He just feels threatened.”

“He’s taken my keys twice today!”

“That’s why you have to hang them up on the hook by the door.” I grumbled as I walked over, as I hooped them on the brass hook, I watched as the evil mastermind glared at me from Hallie’s lap. “See how sweet he is?” He was a fücking con artist is what he was.

“Shit head.”

“Harry, stop!” She continued to laugh as he curled up deeper into her lap. “Be nice to him.”

“Fück no. Tell him to be nice to me.”

“He will if you show him that you like him.”

“Well, I don’t lie and I’m a shit actor.”

“He’s so sweet, Harry.”

“I don’t want to watch a movie anymore.” I grumbled.

“Do you want me to give you head?”

“No.”

“Do you want to tell me about the tour?”

“No.”

“Do you want to cuddle with Jude?”

“Absolutely not.”

“And you don’t want to watch a movie…”

“Nope.”

“Harry, then what do you want to do?” I shrugged childishly. “Please tell me, baby?”

“Want to take him back to wherever you got him from.”

“Well, tough shit, that’s not happening. Pick something else.”

“Put him in his cage.”

“I’m training him to only sleep in the enclosure at night.”

“Why couldn’t you have gotten a puppy?”

“I wanted to, just can’t have a dog in this complex.”

“Let’s get one and it can stay at mine.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Gotta get rid of the rat.”

“You’re so mean.”

“Where’d you even get him?”

“Lancaster.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah and the guy has a no return policy.”

“Damnit, Hallie.”

“Like I said, tough shit.”

“Well tough shit for you, cause we’re not getting a dog.”

“Oh well.” I groaned at her stubbornness. 

“You’re really not going to get rid of him?”

“No, I’m not.”

“But you can never walk him. You can’t ever take him places.”

“So?”

“You’re an animal rights activist, Hallie! You’re actually telling me you’d rather keep this ferret instead of rescuing a dog?” I watched as her eyebrows furrowed, clearly she hadn’t thought about this. “A poor, lonely sad dog who just wants a loving home, with a happy couple willing to give that to him?”

“Are we the happy couple?”

“We are, yeah.”

“It could be a her too.”

“It absolutely could.”

“I don’t know…won’t he be sad?”

“Not if we find a nice home where there are plenty of other rats to keep him company.”

“Ferrets, Harry.”

“Sorry, sorry…ferrets. What do you say, baby?”

“You promise we’ll rescue a dog?”

“I promise, Hallie. Any dog you want.” I kissed her jaw. “Can’t be mean though. Don’t want a mean dog.”

“There’s no such thing as a mean dog.”

“Okay.” This time, my lips landed straight on her lips and she deepened it with her tongue and it tasted like chestnuts and chocolate and sugar and I wanted to live in it. 

“This is real though, right? We’re actually going to adopt a dog?”

“We’re actually going to be parents to a doggy, yes.” The smile on her face was something I wanted to cherish. The simplest of things made her happy.

“I’m really excited.”

“I know you are.”

“Should I put an ad on Craigslist for Jude? I mean, I still feel bad, getting rid of him like this…”

“Don’t feel bad…just think…he might not be happy here, he might be lonely and maybe he just wants to be around other ferrets, y’know?”

“I guess. Poor little guy.”

“He’ll be okay, baby.” The rest of the night went by peacefully, I turned the movie on while Hallie built up the Craigslist ad. Once she’d fallen asleep with Jude sleeping soundly in her lap, I realized that she really did like the gross little guy. I also realized that it probably wouldn’t be a terrible thing to keep it—him. Besides, they were supposed to be independent animals, at least that’s what Google told me. So after much pondering, I opened the ad up only to delete it a few minutes later.