Only On Paper / JJK

Chapter 26

Jungkook has disappeared. You get the feeling he does that often, running away from his problems instead of dealing with them.

In the past, in memories you have yet to remember, you know this to be true. You can't pinpoint exactly when you found out, but deep down, you always knew, even now as you and his old friends sit in your living room.

Namjoon, of course, is sitting beside you but still tries to give you space. Taehyung and Yoongi are on the floor at the other side of the coffee table.

It's eerily silent. You wish someone would say something, anything. The silence is suffocating

Because they know everything that's happened. They know what Jungkook did you, and you're here as clueless as ever.

You had been so angry about it, but when you heard Jungkook from your bedroom, it all made sense. You hadn't heard the last of the dispute after listening in on why you had to remember it all on your own. Once you recollected it all, Jungkook would go back to what he was. He would be gone again.

You shouldn't care about him or what will happen to him. Taehyung said he put everyone in danger. He risked all of your lives, and you don't know what for. You suppose it doesn't really matter. It won't justify what he did, because trading out your relationships isn't worth anything else. They're precious, and whatever trouble he got himself into then didn't change that.

But it still hurts. You feel betrayed, abandoned. You had loved Jungkook, and strangely enough, you still do. You shouldn't. It's fucked up. It's toxic, but you love him.

Ever since he first appeared, you felt drawn to him, attracted to everything about him. You thought he was endearing and thoughtful. Turns out, that's only one side of himself he showed you. You don't even know if that's the part of him that's actually real. It could be a facade for all you know.

So that's the kind of headspace you're in right now. You're having an internal battle with your feelings for him, because as hard as you try to deny that you don't like him at all, you're just lying to yourself.

You love Jungkook. Just like you love Namjoon. You're sure you love them in different ways, but you can't really tell the difference right now. You're so confused. You don't know how to sort out your emotions when so much of your life is hidden in the depths of your brain. To get them all back was going to hurt like a bitch too.

The worst part is that you're going to hurt one or both of them when you do figure it out. You're going to have to choose, and you don't know if you'll be up for that.

You don't want to think about it anymore. You don't want to have these thoughts right now. They're not important.

It doesn't help that Namjoon has thrown you looks of concern multiple times in the span of an hour. You're trying to keep your feelings in check, but it's so hard to do when you just want to snuggle into his firm chest and cry your eyes out.

You have no doubt that Namjoon will let you. He's already proven that he will do anything to make sure you're okay. He's probably fidgeted often since you've all been sitting here, aching to wrap his arms around you in a warm and comforting embrace.

You definitely need a hug, but you can't get it from Namjoon. Just thinking about it makes you feel dirty.

Taehyung begins to mumble something to Yoongi. You can't hear what he's saying, but your brother swiftly nods in agreement. Namjoon, on the other hand, doesn't.

So lost in the chaos that has become of your mind, you didn't catch onto the beginning of their conversation.

"No, that wouldn't be fair to Jungkook." Namjoon shakes his head.