Life of Problems

Chapter 48

Nick's thoughts;

I am really giving exams beyond my expectation. Only one exam left tomorrow but still l haven't done any poor one. Then how come l am not happy? I worked really hard for my exams but l am not enjoying it at all. Next year will be our admission year. Aishhh! All seems so horrible to me. A success without any happiness. I don't enjoy this study at all. Should I just go for that competition tomorrow? But what if I don't make it? I know dad will tell me it's fine to take risk for my dream. But, won't that be too hard for him to bear another year's expense? Won't he be disappointed inside if I can't make it and also miss the exam? What should l do? I have never got such a wonderful chance before. Maybe l don't make it, but shouldn't l at least try? Won't l regret missing it? My name is registered  , l still have a chance to compete though. But there will be too many people and only three will be selected. Am l good enough? I have never learned drawing from anyone. Won't my work be ridiculous in compare to the others? There's only one night. Exam or competition? You must take a decision today Nick! What do l do? Nick kept thinking all night awake.

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Joe's thoughts;

Time's nearing. Eleven months have passed without realizing. Sighed! I really love this place, really love these people and don't wanna hurt them. But I am becoming more and more frustrated as days are passing. Worse is my disability of keeping it hidden. I am loosing my cheerful self. If l keep splitting my frustration on them in this way, l will lose them also. What do l do? Should I tell them the truth? Will they believe me or take it as a joke? If they believe then what will they do? Will they consider me their friend and comfort me even after knowing the truth or fear me? Will they like me like they do now or consider me their enemy after knowing? Will they inform the scientists about me? But I don't want to cheat them anymore. They believe me. I don't wanna stay with them with this fake me ,l wanna tell them about the real me. But I don't have the courage to face the consequence  and see their reactions. What do l do? What the hell do l do? Joe rolled over in his bed unable to sleep.

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Kathy's thoughts ;

After becoming eighteen, l will have right to decide for myself. Legally, if I start learning boxing, my family won't be able to stop me. But what about money? I will be kicked out of home if l wanna live life of my wish. But I won't start working just after becoming eighteen. The savings l have made will last barely four or five months. What's after that? I can't wait till l start incoming myself, it will be too late to start learning. Eighteen is late already and if l wait more! No ,l can't. I must do some work and save money from now. I can't let them spoil my dream again in the sake of money when l have got the courage after this long time. No matter how hard it becomes ,l must work for my dream. I won't give up that easily. Fighting Kathy! Fighting! You can do it, you will do it, Kathy couldn't fall asleep.

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Jwel's Thoughts;

I have been trying for a long time to tell her all the things. Will tomorrow be the perfect time for it? How will I tell it? How will she react? Will she forgive me for all these years? Will l get my best friend back? When will l tell her? How should l start? Should it be before others or should I talk to her alone? We had wasted enough time already. It can't be delayed anymore. Come on Jwel, don't be a coward. It's just your sister ,she won't kill you. You have to do this, it's your fault after all.

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Jiya's thoughts;

Should I ask him the thing l have been wondering for months ? What will he think about me if l suddenly ask him this out of blue? Will he be angry at me? Why do l even care that much? I am very much able to stay without anyone. And who special is he to me? Why do l feel so bad about thinking it? Why did l feel so happy when he said he likes me? I know he didn't mean it. What do l think about him? Is he anything more than a classmate to me? Do l consider him my friend? Or do l like him? No! No ,it can't be true. It's nothing like that. I got it wrong. Don't think about it, Jiya! Just don't think about it. She also lay wide awake that night.

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My thoughts;

We all took same preparation from the same person. Then why can't I call any of these exams well? Am l that thick headed? Everyone is saying that they gave good exams except me. Why can't I just concentrate? What if I fail? How will be my parent's reaction. They have never physically forced me for being a doctor like Kathy's parents. They gave me freedom to do things l wanted ,they allowed me to write in my free time. But all that things! They have been telling me from my childhood that their daughter will be a doctor. No matter what prizes l accepted for my writings, they never became happy for my ability, they even didn't consider it as an ability. If l was directly forced as Kathy then maybe l could also have the courage to fight for my dream. But I am not! How do l disappoint those parents who never has forced me for anything? How do l tell them that l don't wanna be a doctor when they're hoping it for seventeen years? But I don't have the ability to clear medical entrance. How ashamed they will be of me when I fail! What do l do? You have never forced me to forbid writing. You let me do everything freely ,only saying that don't harm your studies with these stuffs, you have to be a doctor. How do l protest the thing you never even said? You never said l can't write. I will surely fail the exam but I don't have the courage to say you that l won't clear medical entrance. I will leave science and shift to language. What a mess! I don't have any choice. What a failure my life is!