Fearless ✔️

Chapter 12

"You okay Dean? You keep zoning out?" Minnie asked pushing her two kids in the cart as we walked around the store looking for things that 'sparked my interest'

"No" I answer honestly and she stops looking me over. "Do you want to talk about it?" She continues and I shrugged. "I like a boy, but I don't want to be in a relationship because I would hate to get all sad because he dumps me once he realizes I don't get scared and I don't handle emotions correctly" I summarize staring down at the twins who were looking around excited as ever.

"Well if you really like him I think you'll hurt yourself more forcing yourself to be away from him, so I think you should give it a try. If it doesn't work out, then we'll be here to keep you away from the depression. Whether you consider us a family or not we do care about you" she stops pushing the cart to give me a serious talk.

"Why was that seriously awesome advice" I chuckle and she gasps throwing a hand to her heart. "Oh sh-oot. Just realized so I'm like omnisexual which means I'll date anything, hope that's all good" I realize I just outed myself.

"That's fine- whatever makes you happy" she starts to push the cart again. "I think that Jules girl likes you though" she adds as we turn down an aisle with a bunch of wall decor.

"Yeah she's really pretty, but for some reason I'm just really attracted to Lloyd. It's literally only my... third week of school now?" I couldn't help the smile. I've never been able to fully talk to someone about my trouble. Well except Morgan. I miss him. He said he'd visit. I wonder what he's doing?

"D?" Marie pulls me out of my thoughts and I move next to Minnie staring at the child. "Ho!" She yells and I nod giving her what she wanted. Taking the child out of the cart I put her on my hip and smile down at her.

"They are literally in love with you" Minnie sighs while Zack sucks on his sippy cup reaching for me. I give him my hand and he he holds it as we walk.

"How long do you think I should wait to tell Lloyd? Because dating after two weeks probably ain't it" I admit getting a chuckle from her. "Whenever you're comfortable" she hums looking over the walls.

"Okay- thank you" I thank her before going back to looking. I let him give me a hickey. I've made out with the man. I'm pretty comfortable with him.

"There's this shelf" I leave Zack for a second staring at the tiny black shelf. "Go ahead and put it in the cart" she chuckles and I nod doing so. "Ahhh- Deee! Daaaa!" Zack yells until I gave him my hand back.

"What are you going to want to put on it?" She asks texting Brendon. Probably about how we are going to nail the shelf in. "Cactuses- little cactuses" I smile and her giggle made me happy. 

"That would be cute, we can use these little white vases she bends over and picks one up showing me. "Yeah, I like them" That gets me a nod as we look over some more.

Setting Marie down she clings to my foot immediately making Zack want out. I grab him too and the two cling to my legs. "Dis?!" Zack asks trying to pick up a frame that was on the ground. It was to heavy and he ultimately had to set it back down.

It was a circular white frame. "That's cute bud but I don't have any pictures" I whisper and his eyes widen before he's tearing up. "Minnie can I have this?" I turn and look at her.

"Of course- and if you'd like we can take pictures together?" She suggests. I smile timidly setting it in the cart. "Can I admit something?" I ask walking down the aisle a bit the twins holding me tightly.

"Of course sweetie" she hums again turning to look at some little string things. "I like your family. I want to stay. Like I'm genuinely enjoying school and life I guess" I chuckle looking back once I realized she had stopped. The twins sat releasing my legs.

"You okay?" I ask cocking my head to the side. "Mhmm- just glad you're happy" she hurries to catch up as I pick both twins up placing one on each hip.

"De!" "De!" "De!" They go back and forth cheering. "Dean!" Minnie quiets them with my full name when she calls me. "Hmm?" I answer turning around. "These would look good on your wall" she held up some plastic vine like things. I love plants. I'm a literal geek about them. "I like those a lot!" I get excited and she nods adding a few to the cart.

"Think fours enough?" She asked fixing her glasses. "Mhmm- I think this should be enough." I try to cut it short not wanting them to spend to much money. "Okay! Let's get you your cactuses! We can always come back for more things!" She claps as I readjust the babies on my hips.

"Woah what's this?" I chuckle looking at the almost full cart. "I think you may have grabbed a few extra things" I whsisper and she scratched the back of her neck.

"I like decorating... it's a probelm" she admits making me laugh again. We started our walk towards the back with the plants and Marie lays her head on my shoulder her hand going to her mouth.

Zackery played with my hair as they talked to me, absolute nonsense. None of it was actually words but I nodded and every once in a while responded.  "Dean, this one has little red flowers!" She whispers holding it up noticing Marie now passed out on my shoudler.

"How many can I get?" I ask watching her put it in the cart. "Let's see... I got three vases, so is three okay?" She asks and I nod. "Of course whatever you want!" I answer quickly not wanting her to feel like I'm pressuring her.

"Okay I like these two as well!" I point with my foot and she nods picking them up. "Yes the flower one can go in the middle" she was already planning the decor and I loved it.

"Maaaa" Zack giggles and she hurried to his side. "What's up my baby?" She whispered and I watched him as he pointed to me. "De!" He giggles and then leans back laughing because my face cracked him up.

"Yes that's Dean he's your brother" his mom coos to him and he sit ups before hugging me his blonde curly hair being smushed against my shirt. I didn't cringe at the word but I knew it was wrong. I'd never be their brother... soon enough they'll be terrified of me.

"I'm sure you're going to make your room look so good! I'm so excited! We can take tons of family pictures and fill all three frames up! Maybe we can even get some with your new friends or when you make friends I don't know..." she starts to ramble super excited.

I could tell she wanted to give me space but she also wanted to help. That word fmaily though. God... ugh. I know I keeping thinking it and saying it, but I am quite literally setting myself up for failure and it was pissing me off. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to be kind.

I wanted to squeeze my fist and yell that it won't ever happen. I couldn't though. I had the twins in my arms. Relaxing I watched Minnie walk in front of me. Now I'm angry. Why can't I control them. Why can't I control my emotions.

Maybe I should put the kids down. Marie is sleeping though and Zackery is having to much fun with my hair.

Calm. Calm. Calm. All good. All good. They are a family and I am the extra. I smile and catch up to Minnie as she hums to herself reaching over to rub Marie's chubby cheek.

"Would you like to help me decorate my room?" I ask the question she had been waiting for. Her face lit up and she quickly nodded. "Oh of course! I would love too!" She claps to herself quickly putting her hands down in a hope that she hadn't woken her daughter.

"Cool" I nod following her again. "I was thinking did you want to tell Brendon about your sexuality- if you're to scared that's okay-" I cut her off with a small cough.

"Listen I know you forget but every time you assume I'm scared of something it kind of like bugs me. It's a reminder of something I don't have and a reminder of what's wrong with me, so if you could please try to be better about it- it would be appreciated" I try to be nice I couldn't really control it. Her eyes widen into sad sympathetic eyes.

"Of course- I'm so sorry" she apologizes as I shake my head. "It's all good"

I think I made her sad.

She'll tell Brendon

They'll get rid of me.

God this is annoying.