Fearless ✔️

Chapter 23

He wants to make love to me? Like the l word. Why is it affecting me so much. Its been messing me up all weekend. I blushed like an idiot when he said that.

He hadn't said anything about it in our messages though. I'm literally acting a 16 year old girl gossiping about her older crush. I don't know why I had to mention the older thing.

Minnie and Brendon were so happy when I came back normal. Which led me to being sad because they didn't like me when I wasn't. But the twins were super happy. So it's fine.

I walk up to my locker ready for the day. I was going to have a good day today I could sense it. I don't even care anymore.

"Hey Darcy!" His voice. He yells that pathetic name and all the positivity leaves my body. I turn to find him laughing about it. Standing in front of me his arm goes around my back as I try not to just sock him in the face.

"Hi" I answer watching him chuckle again. "So your name is really Darcy? That's so funny" he's an idiot who just says that!. "Is that one of the secrets you've been keeping because the whole school pretty much knows now" he whispers as I roll my eyes.

"Thanks for the reminder" to think I was just gushing over this guy and now I wanted to cry because of him.  "So Darcy?" He chuckles putting his hand on my cheek. "My doll face is definitely a better name" he laughs and I move my head down.

"I go by Dean" I correct him getting an amused looked. "Don't be embarrassed by your name it's cute" he contiunes on with it. Just let it go! "Lloyd- I go by Dean" I whisper this time trying not to break down. The name Darcy has brought me so much pain and torment. I wasn't scared of it but I didn't want to be reminded of those awful things.

"But whyyyy I like Darcy! No need to be ashamed!" He pulls my chin up to look at him. I open my mouth to say something but decide against it trying to stay rational and think before I speak. It didn't work.

"Dean. I go by Dean. Darcy is the reminder to me that I will never be what they wanted- so just stop!" I give up and yell pushing him away. He stared at me with hurt and wide eyes and it pissed me off. Acting like I hurt him!? I'm going to snap- calm down. Calm down!

"Darcy- shit Dean!" He shouts but it was to late. I sent him a hateful glare and just ran. Running out of the school. I didn't know where I was going but I would find a place. A place that I wanted to be.

Calm stay calm. Don't snap. Don't snap. I can do this. I want to smile! What calms me? Parkour. I don't give it a second thought and ran down the road that seemed to lead to a more town like place. Close buildings meant more jumping and more flipping... risking my life to calm me down.

I knew I shouldn't be doing it considering I wasn't thinking clearly. I let myself cry knowing if I held it in that would quicken the possibility of me losing it.

Without a thought in my brain I scaled the fire escape of a building running straight for another building with a jump I'm on the other side rolling.

I ran up the building doing a quick flip almost landing on my knee. I cringe at the pain mad that I screwed up. Sitting down I just cried into my hands.

"What the fuck were you thinking!" I yell hitting my head. I was going to let us happen! I was going to let myself settle down. Be happy! I wanted to be an older brother! I wanted to be a son! I miss Morgan! I want to feel fear.

Standing up I walk to the ledge. Stepping up to it I tip back and forth. "Come on... come on. Feel something! Feel something" I yell. Nothing. I don't feel anything. I feel sad because I'm not scared. I could throw my whole life away and I wouldn't feel any fear.