Fearless ✔️

Chapter 13

Is school almost over yet. Like damn I can't take this. "Boo!" Somebody yells as my sides are pinched. I sigh and slowly turn. "Hello Jules?" I smile as she pouts to herself crossing her arms.

"I seriously don't get you- what are you scared of?!" She asks crossing her arms. "Things" I answer quickly not wanting to get into it. "Anyways where did you go after the football game?" She pries as I purse my lips. "With Lloyd" I answer not thinking ahead.

"Why did you go with Lloyd?" She continues with her questions cocking her head to the side. "I don't actually know we just hung out for a bit- how's your boy toy?" I ask making her groan. At least it changes the topic.

"Boring- dear god. He was all talk then we hung out over the weekend and he literally got scared looking at me. It's fine I didn't really like him anyways. I kinda have a crush on someone else" she smiles at me as I raise my eyebrows.

"Whoever could that be?" I ask being sarcastic as fuck. "Oh... it's someone you know" she chuckles as I nod. "But um how were you with those two boys!" She asks me leaning closer. I know she just wanted me to tell her that it went badly because I was in love with her but it wasn't going to happen.

She's a nice friend heck if my heart wasn't so hung over Lloyd I'd probably date her. We could be that perfect white picket fence family- scratch that I'd ruin it.

"Well I didn't get any of their numbers or anything. They were all pretty hot though- said they'd see me later whatever that means" I shrug closing my locker.

"Oh? Sounds like a threat" she jokes as I smile at her playing with her braid. "Or a good time" I tease making her laugh. "So you have English now, right?" She asks as I nod. "Not you memorizing my schedule" I joke while she bites her lip and pulls me down the hall embarrassed.

We pass by Lloyd and I can't stop my eyes from lingering on his body. The things I wanted to do for him. The things I'd let him do to me.

"Oh yeah you have Ivana" Jules walks into our class sitting on Ivana's desk. The rude girl sets her phone down and stared at me before smiling at Jules. "What's up giggles" she sighs but there's a smile so you know she's not actually mad. Jules giggles at the name making Ivana roll her eyes.

"I just wanted to walk Dean here!" She explains flattening some crinkle in her skirt. "So sweet of you- better not be late though" she hums and Jules nods. "You're right! Bye Ivy! Bye Dean!" She waves before booking it out of the class.

Ivana's eyes watched her flickering to me once Jules was for sure gone. "Dean do us a favor and just stay away. She's got feelings for you and you're gonna hurt her- and Lloyd" Ivana sighs moving a hand to her cheek. "So I'm not allowed to have friends? Is it my fault they have a crush on me? I think not" I answer going for my seat.

"You're so weird" she huffs standing. I turn to look at her completely confused. "How is me speaking the truth weird? Is it because I'm right and you're not?" I ask cocking an eyebrow. She comes over grabbing my shirt and pulling me close. "If you don't shut the fuck up I'll beat the hell out of you" she practically shouts in my face causing the whole class to go silent and listen.

"Mmm okay" I answer simply. It'd probably hurt but I didn't care. "Why are you- I swear just be scared! What if I tried to beat your face in..." she asks her fist loosening as she stared at me trying to decipher it.

"Ouch- I guess" I chuckle and this made a few of my classmates hold in their laughs. "You're a psychopath" she huffs throwing me to the side. I stable myself and shrug. "My bad" I hum going for my seat.

"Shut up" she grumbles in response. I did and plug my earbuds in putting one in my ear as the teacher walked in excusing her tardiness. I could feel the stares on me from the kids wondering if I would go be some little crybaby tattle-tail.

I was too lazy. I didn't even want to be noticed and that would be causing drama which I don't want. The more people that know me the faster everything gets out. I know it's pretty much inevitable because there's always that one smart person who figures it out, but I hated dealing with it.

Don't even get me started if my real name starts going around. The amount of people who would socialize with me... Ugh it would be such a nuisance.

"Okay let me do attendance real quick" Ms. Henderson starts to look us over filling it into her computer. She was definitely getting faster at it.

I genuinely liked her. She seemed to know what she was doing and she was young so she understood our problems and stuff and wasn't a total workaholic. "Let's start with today's journal prompt!" She claps before typing away on the computer. Until the screen connected to the projector.

"What's one or more things you'd change about yourself if you could." She read it out loud as I opened two journals. I have been writing what I really felt in one and the other was the one I turned in.

"If you can think of 5 things just make a list and if not just write 5 sentences" she repeats her requirements for this daily writing while moving to the front of the class.

I quickly wrote the one that she would grade saying some simple things like how greasy my hair got. I wish I could change that. I would change my birth parents, or how I reacted to things. I write and write until she was telling us to stop so we could get started with class.

I made eye contact with Ivana as I closed my journal and put the phony one in front of me just in case I got called on. She watched curiously and I rolled my eyes. So nosy.

Then I go to my other journal. I went on a full ass rant about how I hated my birth name. I couldn't wait to legally changed it. When I finished with that I was practically screaming in my head about how much I hated my nonexistent fear. It was unfair!

She starts to draw our names out of some bucket as I waited patiently. She ended picking other kids. Each of them complaining about wanting money or being more athletic nothing special.

I watched each of them carefully and wondered if they had any actual problems that they wanted to share but couldn't because they were... well scared.

I went back to playing my music once I knew she was done with that. Putting my foot on my other knee I relaxed and watched as she started to explain what was going to happen this week.

I could still feel Ivana's eyes on me. Like listen her eyes were gorgeous and definitely unique. In all honesty I loved them but that doesn't mean I want them constantly glaring into my soul.

I turn to of course see her sizing me up. 'Stop, you're being annoying' I mouth to her and she seemed to somewhat pick it up because her eyes widened before turning into an even harsher glare.

'What did you say to me!" She whisper-shouts not very quietly. The only reason our lovely teacher didn't notice is because she was to excited to talk about some book we were going to be reading soon.

I turned around and ignored her hoping she would just pay attention. Like damn I would be fine being her friend. She's gotta have trust issues or something because as soon as I said I had problems she's determined to get me away from her and her friend group.

I still think her and Leo should get together. He would so be the one to fall to his knees and call her mommy. I chuckle to myself and focus on our teacher again. Even though I could basically hear the angry dragon breathing behind me.

Now here's the thing do I let her go all psycho angry and hit me or do I do the whole wrist grab and tell her to fuck off. Then she'd pry do the whole- he grabbed me without my consent and blah blah. Damn I'm really dealing with a lose lose situation. It's whatever it might not hurt that bad. She seems pretty strong- god I don't even care.

"Dean?" Ms. Henderson called for me and I looked up waiting for her to continue. "Could you give us a word that you think would describe our next book well?" She asked and I looked up to the projector hoping it would tell me what book we were reading.

It's a highschool English class so it's probably depressing.

"It's tragic really" I bullshit my way through it and I couldn't even tell if I was talking about the book or what I was going through right now.

"You are right- it really is a tragedy"