𝐆𝐎𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐏𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐒 // 𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐯𝐞

2.4 (numb)

song of the chapter: it's not your fault- maggie lindemann

sierra sat in her bed, looking at pictures of her and brandon, sobbing her brains out. it all started when she looked at her tattoo while taking off the wrap, and then a sudden wave of sadness and pain flooded her brain.

sierra was confused as to why the hell she ws acting like this, it had been well over a month and sierra was healed from it. before this moment she could talk about brandon and his death without shedding a single tear.

sierra curled into a fetal position in her bed, shaking under the covers and letting her pillows suck up the moisture of her tears. she wasnt sure what exact emotion she was feeling, she was just reliving the traumatic event of finding her dead best friend. and being the cause of that.

after she calmed down, sierra fished around for her phone and called her sister. usually in these cases she'd call cas, but cas was in class.

"hey, whats up? im on a flight home for the spring break. for some reason, in england they have spring break early" claire said after she answered the call, a laugh in her voice. suck, spring break is in 3 weeks.

"im just not doing to good. figured i should call my sober buddy." sierra tried to hide the pain in her voice, but you could tell she was crying by the way her voice sounded. she sounded stuffy, but not like a sick stuffy.

"what happened? withdrawals?" claire asked with sympathy.

"no. for some reason i just started breaking down and crying about brandon. i dont know why, but it was scary." sierra explained, rubbing her forehead and groaning.

"maybe you need a break." claire suggested, silence following.

"what?" sierra asked, genuinley confused.

"yeah, maybe you need a break. the chaos, the memories, all of it. maybe you should file for remote college and come back up to new york for a little bit." claire added, and the idea flowed through her head. there werent many cons to the idea, only leaving her friends and possibly delaying the release of phases.

"but mitchel, we're finally recovering. we went out on a date, i cant leave him." sierra sighed, remembering how good she and mitty were. she couldnt fall any farther for him, he had her around his finger and she was okay with that.

"if mitch cant understand that you need to leave to recover from one of your best friends killing himself, then mitchel isnt good for you. or hell, bring him with. just think about it. sleep on it. your album can wait, the fans will wait." claire explained while sitting in the cramped airplane seat. sierra stayed silent for a second, thinking about the new option she had in front of her. claire and sierra said their goodbyes before hanging up, sierra stayed in her bed with a conflicted face.

-

all throughout the day, sierra had claires idea in the back of her head. whenever she wasnt doing something, she was thinking about it. and sierra wasnt doing much, she had 2 classes and then sat in a cafe for 2 hours to do her homework but ended up thinking about leaving the entire time.

now sierra sat in that cafe, waiting for her best friend to meet her for a study date. sierra zoned out and when she was pulled out of it, casilda was sitting in front of her talking.

"he is so romantic, its really cute. anyways. how are you and mitty? ci?" cas asked, looking at the spaced out girl in front of her. sierra looked up and had no idea what cas asked, so before she could come up with an answer, she spit out the first thing she thought of.

"i think i need to leave for a bit. see my family." sierra said blankly while looking to cas. cas had a very stunned face. not confused or suprized, shocked.

"huh?" cas asked, actually confused.

"i broke down today, almost like a PTSD attack. i called claire and she said that leaving the chaos may help me to actually heal." sierra admitted to the truth, she was just avoiding her memories of brandon instead of healing head on.

"oh. are you okay?" cas asked as she leaned over and grabed sierras hand, intertwining their fingers tightly.

"kind of? i feel, numb" sierra answered unsure. she and casilda shared eyecontact for a few minutes, both confused and concerned.

"how long?" cas asked, not letting go of sierras hand. but honestly, sierra didnt know.

"not sure. i dont even know if im going to do it." sierra honestly said, resting her head on the table and gripping cas's hand like her life depended on it.

"you should do it. phases can wait."

"but mitchel..."

-

sierra had called mitchel to tell him about the idea. to be frank, sierra still wasnt 100% sure about what she was doing. mitchels opinon was going to set it, she didnt want to leave him and come back to him having feelings for someone else.

sierra stood in her kitchen, anxiously waiting for mitchel to walk through the door. she tried to distract herself by looking on her phone, but it didnt help. suddenly, the door opened and sierra shot up, seeing mitchel walked in. he looked great, happy. his braids were tied up on the top of his head and he was wearing cargo pants with a random hoodie, a smile from ear to ear.

"whats up? you said you wanted to talk, so im here" he said smile-ly, walking up to sierra closely. she pulled him into a hug and held him tight, scared to tell him what she needed too. mitchel hugged her back despite his confusion, resting his head on hers.

"yeah, so um" she started as she and mitchel separated, rubbing her eye trying not to smudge her makeup.

"yea?"

"i need to leave, go up to my parents for a while because i think im still srtuggling with brandon, and i know its terrible timing especially with phases coming out but you guys can release it without me-" sierra talked so fast her words could run a marathon in 5 minutes.

mitchel was confused, but he understood. he could tell she wasnt dealing with it very well, looking past her smile every day.

when she finished talking, mitchel took a second to comprehend it; though his silence scared sierra.

"please say something, you're scaring me." sierra begged, holding both of mitchels hands. she was cold, like she sat in a freezer. and he was warm, like usual melting sierra away.

"ok, i understand. the boys and i can figure something out for phases." mitchel nodded, smiling and rubbing sierras thumbs with his own. sierra freed the breath she didnt know she was holding in, relieved he understood.

"thank god, you're so understanding i dont know why," sierra started but mitchel cut her off.

"just let me do one thing before you leave." he said and she nodded, before he lightly grabbed her neck to pull her closer and into a kiss.

them kissing made sierra remember what happened the day before, and how mitchel and her spent the rest of that day touching eachother and kissing. it wasnt like a sexual thing, they didnt have sex (again), they just cuddled and looked at the water. but that night when mitchel dropped sierra off later, was the last time they talked until now.

she leaned into the kiss and wraped her arms around his neck, his own arms trailing down her waist, holding her tight. sierra didnt want to let go of him, she felt as if he was a part of her. they started swiftly moving together, falling deeply far into their embrace. sierra pushed against the counter as their kissing got slopier, and sierra started feeling something poking her leg. he wasnt alone though, sierra had wet fabric inbetween her legs.

without saying a thing, mitchel lifted sierra up and she sat on the counter, moaning slightly when she felt his hand reach for her ass and grab it. sierra and mitchel tried to get eachothers shirts off, which didnt work too well because sierra was wearing a buttoned shirt and mitchel was wearing a hoodie.

Really wanna get away
Think I need to take some space
And I feel so suffocated
Feel the same like every day