I started to doubt my Godfather. After the phone call yesterday evening I started to doubt a lot of things. 3/11/22 14:14 and I'm on my way to New York. No, I've never been. I don't even know what I wanna do, I'm just so angry that my first and last thought was and is to run away. That's what I always do when I get like this, I don't say a word and run away. The problem is that at age 19 going 20 I can't really be doing that.
Sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is eezak but everyone calls me zak for short, family is trash, love life is non existence, and I'm still in the midst of learning to love myself, currently stuck in a pre-independant living program thats at the end of an irrelevant town called waltham. Now that we kinda got that out of the way...
I'm supposed to be at work rn but I'm 30 minutes in on a trip to New York city. I love work, I love TO work and I've never missed a day or asked for a break or was late but my mind is all over the place rn, I thing for a while and I really hope that's not the case because I hate it when I feel like this. Everything becomes an impulse and I push people away, it's just not a good look to my "cool guy" Cover that I've seemingly held up since I moved here August 4th 2021 (the same release date of lee taemin's 'never gonna dance again act 1' album). I've told the home that I was going over to see my godfather so they could stop harassing me. I'm so tired of the questions, everyday. I'm just tired of talking, I wish to go a good week without saying a word to anyone but I don't know enough sign language for that.
I'm trying to think about what I wanna do when I get to NYC, and if I even want to come back. If it wasn't for work I definitely wouldn't. I feel bad for lying, I told my A.manager (TQ) that I had food poisoning but last night I spilled my guts out to the manager (Todd) about how I was so upset about the call I received. Okay I'm not gonna hold you from curiosity any longer, besides I can't even say I don't have the time to explain. I have 4 hours left of this trip and the driver's not much of a talker. The only question is what do I start with.
The person who called me yesterday evening was my sister, I bet your wondering what she did that would make a simple conversation make me fell like rebeling. It was a series of events, and I'm only going to blame everything on her. It all started when we were 8 and 10, her being older.
It's our 4th foster home and I was starting to feel like it was the last. Her name was Mrs. Ruby and she was from Ghana, had 4 kids that were older than me and my sister by a lot. Her youngest was Amy and she lived in the house with us. A four floor plus garage and long driveway, along with a decent backyard that wasn't too dangerous but not all that safe either. I think the second was @@@@ she had a husband named frank and I loved spending time with frank. The third was aunt Jemima and only goal when I was at her house was to capture all the mice that either got caught or was killed by her cat. I'm pretty sure I got the order mixed but but I'm going off who had kids first and what not. Last but not least was Angela. Her son whent to the same school that we did and he was the treat to our very existence. I tried to become close to Mrs.Ruby because at a young age I was told, "you have to become friends with those who have power if you're to make friends at all. That will be the key to your success."
I tried to get close to her, get on her good side but all I seemed to do was get under her skin. Everything I did, said, heard, yadayada the five senses bull shit, just everything was never a good thing. Everyday there was something to spank me about. I started to take may anger our in school by is behaving and tormenting the poor teachers. They couldn't really do anything because as my excape was school, my sister excape was home. She never learned anything and always gave her hw to me. Because I respected her so much and always yearned approval from her, I didn't take a second thought when it came to anything involved helping her. ANYTHING. At first it was doing her homework for her, then it quickly escalated to bigger badder things. Stealing, lying, hurting. I did everything she asked me to and in return she did the bear minimum. To me, the bare minimum was enough. She protected me in school, my happy place, and that was enough for me to trust her. Also who else would I trust, she was there since day birth and never wronged me before.
