it is 12/10/21 on a friday and it's 3:42 or so in the morning. i'm still at waltham house and my roommate at the time is mari, she gave me this laptop that im not sure how long she wants me to keep.
there's a lot of catching up to do, i have 11 tattoos but the ones on my hands are messed up. i keep picking at them and the ink faded away. i have 10 peircings all doing good, i work at Kung Fu Tea in waltham, also sometimes in natick and Harvard square. i'm getting better with Mini, i think our relationship is actually going somewhere, today she came to my job in waltham (i'm supposed to be on vacation in japan right now but i couldnt go because i need a student visa.) around 3 and made tea with me and helpped me a little bit. i genuinly didn't want her to leave, i like how they make me feel when im around them.
i keep calling Mini by she/ hers and what not and i feel realy guilty about it because i want to validate them like how they validate me. even in this moment 3:49 as im wrighting about Mini my mind wonders somewhere else to someone else. i don't like a lot of guy's in my life but ther is one person who i think about every day be it by accident or on purpouse, his name is todd and he's my boss/ manager. he manages the three stores that i work at and not doing the best job at it but its impressive. that reminds me, i have to remind him to change the filters under the water boiler.when i first started working there about a month after, i told him that i had a crush on him... agust 17th 2021, i thought that he forgot all about it and that we were cool friends and i had this secret crush on him this whole time but when i re-told him november 20th 2021 he said and i quote, "how could i forget something like that." the week after... not even, the same week that i told him that i liked him the first time we spent around 3 hours organizing boxes in a fairly confined space in the downstairs waltham storage room. i remeber that day almost clear as day, lucus was working upstairs and they were kinda new at the moment (lucas or iden) he could've easly asked them to help and have me go upstairs and do front, expecialy because i knew more of what i was doing. not only that but we even kinda went on a cheesecake factory date, twice. the first time when i paid and the second time when he paid.
i've told i think 3 of my coworkers about my fond of this man but the person who i talk to most about it is lin tran. todd by the way is like 33 turning 34 on january 15th, i planes to get him live chicken for christmas because i asked him what he liked and he said chicken knowing damn well what i ment, so i think it'll be like a little funny thing, he comes to work empty handed then leves with 2 chickens and maybe an egg.
anyway back to lin, i had a tiny crush on her when i first started working, not even a crush, i thought she was pretty and she still is but i dont like her. i dont think todd is handsome at all but i just like him.
other than all that i'm trying to better myself, i got all the negitive people out of my life like my aunt and sister and mom, all these woman, and now its just me, my sisters dad, and my godfather. i pitty jaydogg so much, i feel like his misfortune is my fault. if i really think about it it i. it's like the domino effect. it all started when i lied about my sister telling me that they through the dog out the window. that got her on bad terms with my aunt which caused her to run away and end up at jay's house which kinda ruined jay and my aunts long friendship and seperated me from my sister even more then we were. she fell in love with him and with her not having anywhere else to go jay kept her around and in the house witch started this whole mess. i'm not gonna take full responsibility like that but its a humble reminder that actions have conciquences.
it's 4:17 and i just checked my phone, the first notification i answer are the ones from todd. i had sex today and i let them cum inside me. i learned a lot today from that person. on that not i'm logging off at 4;20 am.
it's 12/10/21 friday 19:50 and i was debating if i should do an entry this morning since i basically did one already today. i feel like this is going to be my fixation for a little bit.i was supposed to go to jaydogs house today and spend the weekend with mari getting drunk and high but i really just want to sit and do nothing. i got my card situation handled so thats that, i still have to find my birth certificute so i can get my permit. my dcf worker lucy is gonna try and work on getting me into driving school so that car insurance is cheaper once i really start driving.
