21:25
Mari texted me today. They're out of country with their father. I'm kind of jealous of them. Maria has always been really pretty and funny, always knows how to get what she wants and I envy that.
I'm reaching out to my therapist again, I'm going to start therapy up again in August. I'm probably going to tell him about Jay's death and my reaction to it. I'm also going to tell him about Todd, and Denver, and Matt, and Lainie. I think I overwhelmed myself with too many people at once. And that's why I shut down sometimes, every now and again. I don't know if I said this in the last passage but I put my two weeks in. I'm going to transfer to the Kung Fu tea on Mass Ave. I hope that this will be a good change of scenery.
Lainie and I didn't go anywhere today because I wasn't feeling well this morning. I almost passed out and I had like three of my breathing attacks. I don't know how to explain it but it's like I can't catch my breath and I'm very confused I have to slow down I have to take a break nothing hurts though so I don't know what it could be.
One of these days I would like to write in one of me and Lainies sex scenes. I just don't know which one to write about. They're all pretty good. They all start off the same and end the same. But the time it takes to reach out to my satisfaction Retreats further and further.
I haven't talked to Matt since that day he came over and I slept with Lainie instead of him. I was supposed to hang out with Mini and Ana today but I didn't feel well this morning so I didn't. I don't have work tomorrow so I'm probably going to go to the library or do something with my day. I feel like I've been slacking off not exercising not going out not taking care of myself. I just always want to be around Lainie and do things but sometimes they don't always want to do things that I want to do and I need to learn to differentiate between us two and our activities at the same time I need to learn to find similarities between them so that we can both still have fun with each other.
