8:02 Saturday
I'm sitting I. The bathroom. I just finished a cigarette and took a nice hot shower. Today's outfit for work is a black pair of Jeans and a brown and blue summer flow short sleave button up shirt that's too large but in a cool way, a black bucket hat and black shoes.
I don't wanna go to work after my whole break down Thursday night. They're gonna ask questions about what happened to my wrist. Hopfuly noone does but they will. I'll lie and say that.... I got burned.
Because I keep forgetting my T (testosterone) I started my period again. It's a good thing actually. Matt didn't pull out last time. Speaking of which... I don't think it's gonna work out with laynee so I'm going to just try it with him. What's the worst that's going to happen.
I gotta try and think positively today and be nice to people. They didn't do anything to me.
I was going to ride the bus to save money but I kinda don't wanna take that trip. I also dont want to wait another 2 hours doing nothing.
I'm struggling mentally rn and I think I need more help but I hate the institutions. Beggers can't be choosers and choosers can't complain.
10:38
I'm in the car on my way to work rn. I shaved and put on a little makeup and cologne. I'm ashamed to see Todd, I cried to him. Why did I call HIM of all people when I was at my lowest.
14:42
I'm working with Todd and Fiona (new girl at kft) and Luigi (the 2nd black guy)
I don't know how I feel about her but I don't hate anyone. Todd keeps making jokes like usual, he made a joke about my butt (?) Silly guy. I bought Macaroons and shared it with the two guys.
16:01
On my break now and I was just reminded of this one time where Todd was making milk cap (a salty whip-cream that we put on drinks) and I held out my hands like a bowl and he said, "aaa" as the say, "open wide" and with my hands out and mouth open we both laughed at the dirty thought that came to mind. I thought of that just now because as he was demanding me to take a break he then told me to sit, make sure I was compliant and I did and it was like I was getting ready to give him head. We do and say all this stuff but if we were to ever have sex it would be awkward.
17:12
I don't know if I've said this but I shaved my face. Todd left and on his way out he opened the door and said, "ug, it's hot" then I said, " I know I am, thank you" he smirked and kicked a box that was in the way of the the door. I can't help getting stuck in the idea of us secretly together. I really wanna know if he'd be good at sex. He dosnt look like he has a lot of experience but when you talk to him it's as if it comes naturally.
00:41
I'm chillin with Layne and I smoked a little. I have to go back to work early tomorrow to fix the stuff and what not so they don't get yelled at. The things I do for theses people
