22:35 Thursday. A right now I'm sleeping in the garage at Jay's house. I had gotten into a argument today with Sissy and Laney, about how they're not taking care of the cats properly. It was a whole situation but I realized that I may have stepped out of line. I definitely set up some things that I wasn't supposed to say because I was angry. The whole situation about the cat was that, sissy has a cat named stromboli, Laney has a cat named Ricky who just had three kittens around 2 weeks ago. Before Ricky had the kittens she was always in the room to stay away from stromboli. When we found out that Ricky was pregnant sissy promised to take Stromboli to the vet to get neutered. This was before Ricky even had kittens. It's now a few weeks after Ricky had kittens and she's still not able to come out the room freely like the way she should be able to. I yelled at Laney saying to just let the cat out and I could watch her with Stromboli to make sure that they're okay. For some reason that wasn't an option. Now since Stromboli is the reason why Ricky can't come out with the rest of the cats I thought that it would be easier for me to just fix the problem right then and there. I would hate it if I was locked in a room for 3 years and then f***** had kids and still then locked in the room. Just like thorax speaks for the trees, I speak for the cats. I booked an appointment for stromboli to get neutered and told sissy the time and day and place of this appointment. I didn't expect her to get mad at all because I did everything for her and I would still be willing to do everything for her to solve this problem. It would be a different story if we had never spoke about this before, but we often talk about Stromboli getting neutered, or I would ask when a stromboli getting neutered, do you have a date, did you set an appointment. I think Sissy's main concern for stromboli is that she won't have time to be together with Stromboli after he gets neutered. The funny thing is, I'm out of work for about two more weeks. So I can sit down with Stromboli and be with him and take care of him just like I would if it were my cat. The cat that I have, ZZ is also a female cat. We are not supposed to have six cats in our apartment, ZZ is coming to the age where she can have kittens. Sissy said if you're so concerned then get your own cat neutered. Zizzi's kittens can sell for $2,500 a cat. Why would I get ZZ neutered knowing how much she's worth. And not only that, getting ZZ neutered will not solve the problem with Ricky being stuck in the room every day. It's crazy because me and Laney are now together together and there's just been these altercation between me and Sissy and I guess the whole house, and it makes me feel like I'm now the problem. And I know that most of the time I can be, but this is a reasonable reason to get mad over something. I understand it's not my cat but that's what people when I was young told my parents or whoever was taking care of me that that's not my kid, a lot of s*** could have been prevented if someone stepped in and said hey that's not right, someone needs to take care of you who's looking after you. I understand that a kid and a cat are two different things, but a cat still has memory and emotions. Stromboli has scratches on his face and he's an outside cat, even if she didn't go to get him neutered, she could at least go get him checked and his face cleaned.
I don't really want to stay at Jay's house for the full week that I said I was going to be here. Because I just want to resolve everything and go back home and go to sleep and be out of people's way. But even then I still feel like I would be in their way, even being here and not at home I feel like I'm being a problem. I just want to do nothing for a very long time, and that's not possible right now when there's no place for me to go to do nothing in. I got my license, and I might start working at Boston ink in Mattapan with my tattoo artist Eric. I also might start shadowing nurses and doctors at Tufts Medical Center or BMC. Tomorrow I plan on calling Rakim about this position at Boston ink, I also plan on helping my aunt with the truck so that she can give me the car, I also plan on resolving everything hopefully so that I can go home tomorrow night.
I've decided to talk and text my situations because typing them up takes too long. Me and Matt broke up but we are still friends, I was supposed to babysit Cole tomorrow at Matt's house but Matt's partner quit their job so there would be no need for me to babysit Cole.
Santiago just popped back in my life. He said that he likes me and that we should go on a date, but I'm not sure about how Lana will feel about this. I told Laney that I'm not into poly relationships myself, but they can love whoever they love Whenever Wherever for however long. I just want to try this date with Santiago, it probably won't go well. At least I can say that I tried and me and Santiago can try again as friends. I like Santiago but not like that, I used to like him like that when we were in high school together but he was gay and I was straight.
Now the situation with my aunt. I told my aunt about me and Jay, how that whole thing started and how it's different from everything else and it's not bad it's just what it is. I also told her about my virus. I want to try building a connection again with my aunt and my mom. I'm going to try not to mix the two, or put them in the same room. I hope that was going in back into my aunt's life that she does not make me regret it. Not that I really have regrets to begin with, but not everything has to turn into a life experience and a lesson.
Left Matt for Laney and I keep thinking if it was a good idea or not. If I stay with Matt I would have had a kid. Now that I'm with Laney it's different. I don't love them 199% all the time and sometimes I'm just not happy to exsist around them. I'm not sure what that means for our future but I'm supposed to marry this one. I even tattooed a picture of them and their name on my body. And we have identical matching tattoos at the same location on our body. I'll just have to wait and see how tomorrow goes, I'm going to go to sleep, after I get this cat from under the couch.
