You know, you might have amazing friends who you love and will do anything for. You'll talk them out of suicide. Out of cutting. Out of a bunch of stupid things, and then one day someone gets mad or there's a fight and BOOM, everything's over. You go from having someone that was your world to having no one at all. Many people say "that will never happen to me". But you know what? I said that exact same thing one year ago. One year ago, I had a friend that I cared about. That I talked out of doing stupid things. That I loved. But now, I'm left here, trying to figure out how to breathe.
But in these past few days, I realized something. I don't need her. I don't need someone to drag me down. I don't need to be yelled at for stupid reasons all because she can't let off steam anywhere else. If my friend is reading this, pay attention. Maybe you'll see what I wasn't able to tell you to your face.
I'm not some emotional punching bag. I'm not invincible. In fact, I'm not even that strong. Dont yell at me, get mad at me, Call me things, and then come back the next day acting like everything is normal. Because it's not. While you're sitting there laughing, I'm trying to pick myself up. While you're having sweet dreams, I'm up until midnight crying. Friends are people you come to, yes, they listen. But friends are not people you yell at because they did something that was apparently not allowed in your book. Deal with it. Because even if I don't show it, I'm broken on the inside.
I'm lucky to be here right now. There are two people I would like to thank for helping me pick myself up. Ellanah, you promise to be there. You say you'll hurt anyone who hurts me. You sit with me at lunch when my "best friends" can't even stand to be near me, and you know exactly when to give me a hug. You make getting up and going to school that much easier.
Ren. We've been friends for years. You promise to be there, you love me, and even though you don't know how, you try to help. Seeing you is one of the best points of my week right now. What you are is basically indescribable.
Thank you for being there. Thanks for understanding, for caring. Thanks for being the only people I can truly trust right now. Thanks for not telling me to just "get over it". Thanks for seeing how broken I really am. But most of all, thanks for not rejecting me because of it.
Friends are people that stay and care about you through thick and thin. They don't bring a bunch of drama to your life that you don't want to deal with.
To that one friend, who should know who they are, thanks for making me feel like shit, and then getting mad when I told you. You are a true human being.
