So today, one of my friends was sad. Eventually, I learn that one of her friends, her close ones, had committed suicide last night. He was dead. All day, you could see the pain in her eyes and the struggle of fighting back tears. She went home early today.
When I got home, I told my dad that my friend was sad and why. My little sister, was standing right there. My dad said he hopes for the best for my friend, and went upstairs to change, obviously feeling bad. My sister was silent. A few minutes later, I hear my sister start to cry. As I come out of the kitchen, she looks up at me and says "Sydney, please don't ever hurt youself."
I almost cried.
Holding back tears, I walk up, kiss her head, and tell her that I cant, because I have her to protect. She then gets up and hugs me.
As she hugs me, I instantly realize how much she did care. You see, I had tried to hurt myself before. There were many times where the knife would be at my wrist, or the multiple pills in my hand. But I never got farther. Every time I even got close, the image of my sister would come into my head, and I'd put everything away. The knife went back in the droor, the pills into the bottle.
Hearing my sister cry as she hugged me, crying for me to never hurt myself, the tears finally came. My sister didn't even know it, and she had saved my life multiple times. And here she was, crying so I would never even try.
I know one thing. I will never try again. Seeing my sister at the mere thought that I would, it would kill me even more to see what she would be like if I had actually succeeded. Yes, I am better now, but there are still those days that things get tough.
If my sister ever reads this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm too scared to tell you. I'm sorry you had to find out at all. I'm sorry. I really am. When I went upstairs, I finally made that promise to myself. I would never try again. Ever.
Lila, I love you. It might not seem like it at times, but I do. I would do anything to keep you safe, no matter what it took. If it took my limb, I'd gladly give it. If it took my emotions, I'd rather you have them. If it took my life, my final thought would be 'it was worth it'. I. Love. You. Never forget that.
To anyone else reading this:
Sometimes there are people you wouldn't even guess cared that do. And sometimes, your actions would hurt them more than you think.
To that friend:
I said I'd be there, and now I know for sure I will.
