I put down the phone
And let the tears dry
I did it again
Talked you out of suicide
But my heart is still pounding
My mind is still alight
Tears threaten to spill
As I lie awake all night
My phone lays with me
Buzzing messages of praise
"You did it, you saved them."
Cause they think that I'm okay
But I'm not okay, I'm not
But no one seems to see
I save so many people
But no one saves me
Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped
In a box inside myself
On the outside I look strong
On the inside I need help
And then there's all the questions
"Why'd you do it if it hurts?"
My morals made me do it
But what I did made it worse
"Why do you follow everyone
Even though it drags you down?"
Because in a life of being lost
I'm begging to be found
You know I love all of my friends
Even when it's on that phone
Cause I'd rather have friends, shields
Then be trapped here all alone
Cause bad things happen when you're alone
Memories come back to life
Bad things happen when friends aren't there
And you're too weak to fight
Everyone says I'm so loyal
But what's loyal is my fear
So when my friends say they're going to leave
It's those words I used to hear
"Faggot''
"Snitch"
"Little bitch"
Ends with a punch in the face
My friends used to leave me behind
And the bullies took their place
For my first 8 years, I had no friends
I had people who let me just be there
But when those people, that armor, was out of the way
I never had a savior
I used to be a target and a punching bag
Used to get dragged behind sheds
I might be telling you not to kill yourself
But I'm the one who's protected
So to all those true friends who are still there
This is why I can't let you go
I might seem tough and strong and loyal
But I'm just afraid of being alone
