Loving Kinnick (Rewritten)

Remain Silent

The weather pinching my skin made it difficult to continue walking, but it wasn't like I dressed for cool morning air. The white spaghetti-strapped tank top didn't keep me comfortable, but the capsules I slipped into my mouth before I left my house did. My white sneakers scuffed the ground as I walked to classes before Chrissy could pick me up. Something about the pills inside my favorite bottle kept me from feeling down. They made me feel powerful and untouchable.

When Kinnick left me yesterday to walk inside, I watched his car drive away from the door's window. My safety went with him in the blue Chevrolet I loved so much as it sped off down the street. He didn't say anything more than to call him anything happened. I wasn't sure why he said that, but it wasn't like he knew Warren would come over. He would lay me on the couch and pressure me into things I didn't want to do. So, was I supposed to call him when the memories started coming back? No.

I turned to an empty living room and realized I couldn't muster up the courage to walk through it as if I wasn't in pain. So, I let my feet carry me up the stairs, where my pain killers from the wreck waited for me in the medicine cabinet above my sink. And as the capsules broke open and began coursing through my veins, I took a straightener to my hair and let it erase my curls.

Last night, I fell asleep to music blasting through my home. And when I woke up, I found myself crawling back to the medicine waiting for me inside of the bathroom. My little piece of redemption kept me from the feeling wanting to hurt me again. It gave me a little pep to my step, and I couldn't let the feeling go, so I walked to campus.

As I adjusted the gray sweatpants on my waist, I shoved through the entry doors with my shoulders. The empty halls made me realize everyone was already in class, but my phone lacking notifications also made me realize no one cared if I showed up anyway. So, I walked around the hallways as numbness swept through my body.

I threw open the door to Professor Evan's classroom, allowing myself inside with a grand entrance. Chrissy looked at me with relief, but Kinnick's blue eyes stared with worry. I couldn't help but roll mine at his lack of excitement to see me. Zach carried on with his lecture as I slid into the spot next to my tattooed boxer.

"You walked here?" He leaned over to me as he mumbled. "In that?"

"Is it that big of a deal? I felt like wearing it."

"No, but it is cold outside."

"Well, I am not cold," my hands started to jitter as they sat on top of the table.

His blue eyes darted to my fingers as they struggled to sit still. "No, you are high."

"I had an energy drink."

"I have taken drugs before," his voice struggled to remain calm. "I am not a fucking idiot. What was it?"

"Hydros," I let the vowel roll off my lips with a hiss.

With a sigh of frustration, he ran his hand through his hair. "Jesus Christ."

"Are you mad?"

"I told you to call me," he bit back at me. "Why didn't you?"

"I found a better solution," I shrugged, leaning back in my seat. "If you are going to be mad at me the whole time, I'll just leave."

His eyebrows furrowed together as he looked at me with disbelief. "I don't want you to leave. I want you to be safe."

"I am being safe -"

"How many did you take?"

"Enough to make me feel like I can run a marathon."

He blew a large breath of air through his mouth. "That isn't being safe, Boston."

"I don't need you to judge me," I shake my head. "I get enough of that already."

"Are you we interrupting something?" Professor Evans called out to us.

My head moved back and forth. "Of course not."

"Then either carry your conversation elsewhere or remain silent."

I pushed away from my seat. "Yeah, I am not feeling it today."

"Bo," Kinnick hissed as Miles stared with wide eyes.

"If you want to talk, you know how to get a hold of me," I cleared my throat before turning to Kinnick. "Share today's notes with me, yeah? I'll be at home waiting for them."

When I shoved through the classroom doors again, my eyes caught sight of the reason why I started swallowing pills in the first place. His head snapped up to look at me as I stumbled into the hallway. This must be his next class. My eyes narrowed at him as he approached me.

"I didn't know you were dating Kinnick Carson."

I threw up my arms. "Surprise."

My body turned away from his as I tried to put a lot of distance between us. Before I could round the corner, my head snapped forward at the grip pulling me backward. My back collided with the wall as his nails dug into my skin. I let out a deep gasp as my skin caught on fire underneath his grip.

"I wasn't done talking to you."

I pushed further into the wall as he stared down at me. "Let me go."

When his grip tightened, I let out a whimper. "Does he know?"

My head moved back and forth. "No, he doesn't know."

"Keep it that way," he spat. "I don't need everybody thinking I am a bad person because of one fucking mistake."

I nodded at him as my teeth sunk into my lip. "Let me go."

Before he could say another word, the door next to us shot open. I looked up to see Kinnick looking between Warren and me. Without hesitation, his tattooed hand shoved Warren back. My heart fell to my stomach as he pinned him against the wall.

"I was just asking if she was okay!" Warren held up his hands. "After what happened yesterday, I was concerned! That's it!"

Kinnick sucked in deep breaths before releasing him from his hold. "Whatever, just get the fuck out of here."

Warren gave me one last look before walking away. My heart thudded against my chest as Kinnick turned to me with a look of confusion on his face. I wasn't sure what to tell him, but how could I agree with Warren's story? That isn't what happened at all.

"Who is that?"

I shake my head. "I know him from high school."

His head nodded a few times as he walked toward me. "Do I have anything to worry about?"

My eyes lifted to meet his. "No."

"We need to get you home," he motioned to me. "You are going to catch a cold in that outfit."

"Please, don't be mad at me."

His jaw clenched as he looked down on me. "I am trying not to."

I closed the distance between us as I wrapped my arms around him. "I am sorry."

His hesitant hands ran through my hair as he held me close to his chest. "I am sorry that I couldn't be enough to help you."