Loving Kinnick (Rewritten)

It Doesn't Seem Like You Want Me

My body shot upward as I heard Bo's screaming. I shoved away from her as she cried out below me. Her eyes were squeezed shut as I lifted myself onto my elbows, trying to get her to calm down. I wasn't aware I was lying on top of her, and my body weight had her pinned to the mattress.

The scream pierced my ears as I struggled to calm her down. I worried the whole apartment complex would wake up. I was already preparing for someone to show up, but I didn't care about it anyway. All I wanted to know was that my girl was below me, shaking with fear.

"It is just a nightmare, baby."

Tears were streaming down her face. "Get off of me! Get off of me, please!"

I moved away, rolling off her as I tried to shake her awake. The moment her eyes shot open, I sighed a breath of relief. Until she rushed off of the bed, I wasn't worried about it. I tried grabbing her, but she slipped from my grip and hurried out of the room. I fell back onto the mattress, wondering what the fuck just happened? I moved off of the bed to find her.

The darkness made it easier to see where she ran off to. I saw the light illuminating the hardwood floors from the crack under the bathroom door. The muffled sobs made me halt in the middle of the hallway. What did I do? The pain rippling in my chest coursed through my body while I listened to her rapidly suck in breaths.

"Baby," I knocked on the white wooden door. "Open the door, please. Tell me what is going on."

"Please, go away."

"Bo," my voice cracked as I leaned my forehead against the door with tears burning in my eyes. "What did I do? Please, come out here and tell me."

"You didn't do anything -"

"Then come out here, please."

"No," a hard cry ripped through her chest.

"Run yourself a bath," I spoke through the material separating us. "I will come check on you later, okay?"

A few moments later, I heard the water start. I slid down the wooden door separating us. I dropped my head into my hands because I didn't know what the fuck to do. My body stayed against the door, listening to the water move around.

I hated walking away from her even when she didn't want me around. I tried pushing what I wanted aside to give her what she needed - space. The smell of coffee filled the air as I sat at my table, holding a full mug below my nose.

My eyes strayed to the stove, looking at the clock as it gradually went on. Then I heard the bathroom door open, and as much as I wanted to get up, I stayed in my seat. She came around the corner with a blotchy face and tiredness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she was quick to apologize. "My nightmares get the best of me sometimes."

"I've got you, Bo. Whatever happens in your dreams, just know I'm right here."

"I don't do well when I stay somewhere for my first time."

"That's okay," I shake my head. "Do you want coffee?"

"I want to go to bed, please," she sniffled.

My next movements were with hesitation as I grabbed her wrist and tugged her towards me. She jumped at my movements. I clenched my jaw, trying to conceal the tears threatening to fall. My fingers threaded through her hair and pulled her head against my chest.

Her arms didn't wrap around me, but her hands rested on my chest. I felt the wetness of her tears against my bare skin. When the shaking in her body started, I wanted to punch the wall next to me. I have no idea what's going on. I have no fucking idea how to make it better.

I guided her down the hallway to my bedroom. She walked around the bed to her side. She's still covered in the sheet to hide her naked body. When I slid in next to her, she moved away. For the first time, I watched her shut me out.

"Don't leave me, please."

"It doesn't seem like you want me -"

"I do," she nodded her head quickly. "Please. I don't think I can fall asleep if you are not here with me."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"Tomorrow," she pushed toward me.

I went rigid as she snuggled into my side. I wasn't sure if I should wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. She didn't clear it up either. It was as if nothing had happened. But I couldn't forget. The way she screamed and how hard she was crying. I couldn't let it go.

When she fell asleep, I found myself getting up. I didn't know how to fall asleep with her next to me. It was bizarre because it was the other way around only a few hours ago. Then everything changed.

Within a few hours, I finished off a full pot of coffee. My eyes burned from the little sleep I had. My body begged me to lay down. The sore feeling taking over my muscles had me wincing at every move I made. I felt everything from that fight.

I went upstairs to my bookroom, hiding between the shelves full of my favorite novels, and I pulled down 'The Perks of Being A Wallflower.' I knew how much Bo adored this book. I knew this would be the only way to feel close to her without lying in bed.

The book didn't have her smile or dimples. It didn't have ringlets surrounding its face. The spine was soft like Bo's skin. It didn't make me feel the way she did. I let it consume me in the way she does.

My eyes scanned the pages, taking in every word. I looked over every page I highlighted, hoping to speak the colored lines to Bo. She loved when I used words from books and quoted authors. For some reason, she still couldn't get her head wrapped around the fact that I read. She has expressed that she has never met someone who enjoyed it as much as she did.

The book made me forget. It made me forget long enough for my eyes to droop. Then I fell asleep as hard as I was falling for her. I dreamed of her like I had done every night since I met her. Even during the day, I dreamed about her.

"Kinnick?"

I shot up from my position, noticing the sun shining through the window. "Bo? Are you okay?"

She stepped into the room as I pulled off my glasses. "Did you sleep in here last night?"

"Yeah," I rub my eyes. "Did you get enough sleep?"

"I think I would have slept longer if you were there. When did you get up?"

"After you had a nightmare," I struggled to focus on her face. "You ran yourself a bath. We stayed up until four in the morning."

"What?"

"Yeah," I couldn't see her. "Can you pull the curtains shut? Do you not remember what happened?"

"No," she answered. "Are you okay?"

No. It's getting harder to see as the days carry on. "It's the sun, that's all."

"Do you want to go lay down?"

I let her hands guide me through my place. She led me to the mattress in my room. Panic settled in my chest because I was worried if I fell asleep, I would wake up without seeing anything at all. She climbed on my chest, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

"Does the darkness help?"

I clenched my jaw before opening my eyes, and I saw her. Not perfectly, but I saw her. "Yeah. Are you okay, though?"

"I'm fine as long as you're right here."

"Has your dad tried calling?"

"He did," she sucked in a breath. "Long enough to tell me he is staying with Ashely, and won't be home until Friday."

"I hope that means you are staying here."

"I was hoping that is where this conversation will lead," she kissed my chest. "Are you feeling okay?"

"My body is sore."

"Is there anything I can do? Any medicine I can get you?"

"Just lay here," I tightened my grip on her. "You're the only medicine I need but when I get up, I want to talk about last night."