Loving Kinnick (Rewritten)

We Both Know I Have Nothing Left To Lose

He sat across from me, no longer by my side, as he was previous times in class. I felt lost when I looked into his ocean eyes. I was stranded at sea, without a map, wondering where the waves were taking me. My boat floated in open waters of despair and anger. The waves were breaking my boat apart piece by piece. I don't know where to begin on how to fix it.

So, I sat there like he wasn't sitting in front of me because he sat before me, acting as if I didn't exist. None of my tablemates spoke a word. Chrissy was dead silent, and Miles sat diagonally from me, sending questioning stares and worrisome looks. To them, Kinnick not speaking was normal unless he was around me. Then somehow, the man managed to open up, and you couldn't get him to shut up if you tried.

My eyes lifted from the screen of my laptop long enough to steal a glance from him. I wanted to know what he was doing and if he was thinking about me as much as I thought about him. It upset me when he didn't understand why I didn't tell him. All I keep telling myself is I deserve it for not opening up. I just can't find the words.

He leaned on his elbows like he did every other time he sat across from me, leaning onto his balled fists. And his eyes were on me. My heart broke free, raising in my throat, threatening to release itself on the table. I had to get out of here.

He didn't call my name, and I didn't hear his chair screech like mine did when I hurried out of my seat. And there he was - Warren. He was standing a few classrooms down, scrolling through his phone. I assumed he was waiting for class to get out. I wondered if this was his first one of the day. It would explain why he was in the hallway every time I shot out of my own.

"Boston -"

I walked past him. "Stop showing up everywhere! I do not want to see you or hear from you, and if you approach me again, I will let everyone know what you did!"

He didn't grab for me when I walked away, but he didn't have to. The words he spoke made me halt in a way, grabbing my arm never could. "How do you know what happened that night if you could barely process what was happening?"

I flipped around, staring at him with tears in my eyes. "Because I felt you, Warren. I felt all of it, and you and everybody else cannot tell me any different. You are trying to convince me otherwise to save your ass because we both know I have nothing left to lose."

He didn't say another word as I walked off. My feet picked up their pace as I hurried toward the door. Dad wasn't home again. So, I didn't have to listen to his questions and how upset he would be to find out that I was skipping classes. But the sound of footsteps in my house made my blood spike as I stepped through the living room. Just as Kinnick came around the corner, I felt anxiety rising in my throat.

"How did you get in? The doors were locked."

"Do you think I don't know how to break into a house?"

"You broke my door?"

He scoffed. "No, I popped it open with my bank card."

"Why are you here?"

"Because you are avoiding me."

"Me? You couldn't even look at me for two seconds in class after what happened last night!"

"Well, I have cinnamon rolls in the oven and blueberry muffins from Scooters," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what else you want me to say, so I am trying to say sorry for how I reacted."

"I lied to you, I should be sorry."

"I don't want to talk about it," his jaw clenched. "Not if I am going to get the same answers, Bo."