Loving Kinnick (Rewritten)

Promise Me You Won't Do Anything

I woke up to complete darkness in the comfort of my own sheets, surrounded by the four walls I call my bedroom. Kinnick wasn't here, and I wondered if he dropped me off then left. I soon found out that wasn't true when the note on my bedside table said he would be back shortly.

The throbbing in my arms reminded me that what happened today was real. It had me in the bathroom, inspecting the purple bruises. They were so dark they were almost black. The curve of his fingernails cut into my skin, leaving crescent moons made of blood. He etched his fingerprints into my skin.

I didn't realize I was crying until I couldn't breathe. He touched me again. I let it happen. So I did what I did every time I needed to get rid of him; I got in the shower and scrubbed my skin. I scrubbed until it burned, until it felt like my skin would come off, until it felt like he was gone. Then I put more soap on the sponge and scrubbed some more.

My tears were flooded out by the water rushing down on my face as I sat on my shower floor. As the water drained, I wondered what it would be like if my worries joined it. I closed my eyes, imagining all of the anxiety and thinking about the pain being rinsed away. And it worked. Until the water got cold, and no matter how much more I turned the nozzle left, the temperature didn't change.

I didn't step out of the water, piercing my skin like needles. I didn't move when my body begged for me to leave. I refused to abandon the cold water because it made me feel something other than the burn in my arms. It made me shiver in a way the fall weather couldn't. It froze the feelings brewing in my chest like a crisp winter morning after several inches of snowfall.

And instead of leaving the bathroom before I did something I would regret, I pulled the same yellow bottle of pills from the cabinet. My mouth dipped down to the faucet to help the pills go down easier. The back of my hand swiped over my lips, wiping away the water from my mouth as I stared at the woman in the mirror.

I looked down at the abrasions on my skin and how I scrubbed a little too harshly for no relief to come of it. The soap didn't wash away the dirt on my skin. The different body washes couldn't strip the feeling of him on my body, and I felt eternally dirty. My fingertips rubbed over the red marks on my arms, wincing at the burning sensation.

"Bo!"

Kinnick's voice floated through the house from downstairs. I panicked as I searched for something to cover up the marks on my arms. If he saw what I did to myself, he would start asking questions, and I didn't need to be interrogated. When I saw his shadow underneath the door, I felt embarrassment flushing through my veins. He wouldn't understand, and I don't know how to tell him.

"Bo?"

"I'll be out in a minute," I struggled to whisper.

"I'll wait downstairs, okay?" His soft voice sounded heavy with concern. "If you need something, just call out for me."

When I didn't say another word, his shadow disappeared from underneath the door. I could hear his heavy footsteps on the wooden stairs. The moment I couldn't hear him walking through the house, I opened the bathroom door without a sound. Goosebumps grew on my skin as I shivered in the hallways with the small towel wrapped around my body. My hair dripped water down my back, making it impossible to dry off.

I twisted the lock to my bedroom door before moving toward my closet to find something to wear. My shaky hands pulled over a long sweatshirt, hoping to conceal the bruises on my arms and the marks on my skin. The second I finished tying my hair in a knot on the top of my head, I found myself moving toward where the blue-eyed boxer waited for me.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the groceries spread over my kitchen island. He looked up from his phone, and his lips parted. I sucked in a deep breath as he came toward me, wrapping his arms around my body.

"Holy fuck," he tightened his hold. "You are freezing."

My teeth chattered as his warmth consumed me. His embrace thawed me. His hands explored my body, every curve and divot as they pulled me to his chest. He injected me with a drug I could never get a hold of, and I craved every milligram.

"Are you okay?"

My head moved against his chest as I nodded. "Just sleepy."

His fingers pressed into my chin, tilting it upward to look at me clearly. "I am worried about you."

"I am doing okay."

"You know what I found out today?" His eyes masked any emotion from me. "That your dad is in Colorado."

My body stilled under his gaze. "I didn't want you to worry."

"You can see how that is impossible right," he mumbles. "Whenever we aren't around one another, I worry about you."

"Why?"

"Because I care about you," he shakes his head. "And I know something has been going on."

Without saying another word to him, I broke our contact. "If I tell you everything that has been going on, you need to promise me you won't do anything, Kinnick."

Without hesitation, he nodded. "I promise."

"No matter what it is?" I sighed. "I need to know that I can trust you with that."

"I wouldn't lie to you," he cupped my cheeks.

My hands started to shake as I ran my hands through my hair. "I lied to you."

"Okay," his voice trailed off.

"The guy in the hallway at school," my lips started quiver. "He is my ex-boyfriend and I didn't expect to see him. Chrissy told me he was back and I had a panic attack. And I lied to you because I didn't want you to do anything to him. I really like you and I don't want you to get in trouble over some stupid thing that happened in high school -"

"Bo," he stared down at me with concern in his eyes. "Calm down."

"And I am sorry for lying," I choked. "I just didn't know how to tell you that without sounding like I was overreacting."

"No one can tell you how you are supposed to react," his head moved back and forth. "That isn't someone's opinion to have. Can I ask you a question, though?"

"Of course."

"What makes you think I would do something to him?"

"You always talk about protecting me," I stammered. "And I worried that if I told you what was bothering me, you would hurt him."

"What did he do to you?"

"Nothing that matters," my hands squeezed at my joggers as I tried to conceal their trembling. "It happened years ago."

"If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have been scared to tell me."

"I am not scared," my words came out harsh. "I am embarrassed."

"This is the one you were in a bad relationship with, right?" He questioned. "Because you said you have only been in one."

"Yes," I whispered with worry.

"You have my word, Bo," his words were strained as he looked me in the eyes. "I promise I won't do anything, but you need to understand, if he steps out of line, I won't allow it."

My head fell against his chest as I wrapped my arms around him. "Please, don't be mad at me for lying to you."

"I am not upset that you lied," he kissed the top of my head. "I am proud of you for speaking up."

My head tilted back to look up at him. "You make my heart race, Kinnick Carson."

"You give mine a reason to beat, Boston Bennett."