Kim Namjoon - Rivals

Chapter XII

Chapter 12: Unsolved

trigger warning: self-harm, suicidal thoughts, etc. 

Though I am used to wandering around these long and dark hallways of Bangtan's base, it suddenly felt different. Like I was walking here for the first time.

Namjoon was walking in front of me, and he also looked different. His broad shoulders blocked the sight as he was taller than I. He almost looked like one of his guards that I had used to see walking in front of me whenever I paid an unwanted visit here. Was all of this a bad thing?  

The walls of the hallway felt as if they were about to crush me or fall onto me. I felt as if I was blind because of the darkness. Usually, I feel like this when I put something to my drink to loosen up a bit. But as I recall, I haven't drunk anything today yet. 

Or was it the atmosphere here? I was once again stepping into Namjoon's room when I specifically said I wouldn't do it ever again. I seem to say it every time I leave here, but I always end up back in here. Is it my doings, or is this what he wants?

The hallway wasn't long, but I felt like we had been walking for ten minutes before Namjoon stopped on his track to unlock the door. He stepped aside to allow me to go in first somehow, which brought chills to my body.  

''Are you alright?'' he asked behind me as he closed the door. 

''Y-yeah, I'm fine, let's just get this over with,'' I tried to sound stern as I usually am, but even I had a hard time believing my tone. Namjoon looked at me before shrugging his shoulders and walking behind his desk.

''I would love to play dumb in this situation, but I know you well enough not to do that. So I assume you are here because of my little visit at your base,'' Namjoon said as he sat down and crossed his fingers.

''Play dumb, huh?'' I laughed. ''Then why did you say ''I assume''?'' I played him back, mainly to try to cover up this strange feeling I was having. Luckily, he seemed to buy it as he chuckled.

''Fine,'' he sighed. ''I just wanted to make sure you were okay.''

I lifted my eyebrow. Make sure I was okay. ''Bullshit.''

''Call it whatever you want, but I was worried about you. You haven't taken the recent incidents very well, and I'm worried about your mental health,'' Namjoon continued.

What is he doing? Is he somehow trying to seem like a caring person? He is a caring person from the inside, but the last time I saw that person was when we were still dating. Ever since, I have seen nothing but darkness in his eyes, and he's been acting non-caring towards me and his friends.

''I just don't want the same things that happened in the past repeat themselves,'' he added. 

''You have no right to bring those times up, not now!'' I was quick to yell back at him because of what he said.

I haven't had the best past, and I sometimes envy those who had a better one than I did. Not only did I lose my parents at a young age, but that is already tearing me up from the inside whenever I even think about it. Though I was still too young to remember them, I remember enough. I remember being happy and knowing I might have a future. At least I wished for it.