Poems of a Suicidal Memory

I'm Fine

A/N: One of my first poems that I actually put some sort of effort into.

I really hate to complain, but I just can't contain, or restrain any of my thoughts or my action, I really feel like I'm losing traction of my life and everything in it. I've always been extremely sorry, but life's choppin me up like calamari and I really don't know where to go from here, they say just pour another beer and let go of the fear but I just can't jump up and bust a cheer and I... I never knew what would happen if I fell from the sky, maybe fall down and die but let it be said I bled and shed my fuckin pride for you, I would've died for you! So now it's too late, that was our last fuckin date, on the date of sometime in December wish I could remember but... Its over now, take a bow, Say goodbye...

Sometimes when I get depressed, I just think that'd I'd invest in the pain of the scarlet stain on my wrists. I look up toward the sky, tryin not to break down and cry. Try, try again, failed but with my luck I'll be jailed, 3 days later, bailed. Just remember this is all cause of you, after a while I flew, from inside, finally found myself bound by you! I'm breaking these chains as I'm busting my veins. I'm feelin so free, unbelievable glee, now that I'm over you. Haha. Fuck it I guess, there's just an amount of stress where a person can't take this shit, not even if they bit, bite the bullet smashed like a mullet. I'll do whatever it takes, jam my foot on the breaks, I can't get over you, I'm done. No more time for fun. But can't just get up and run, what do you expect me to do now? It's over bam boom blaow. Should I keep on chasin'? Maybe basin my decision on what you did to me? Ripped me? Tore me? Remember back in September I couldn't take my eyes off you, I was a hopeless wreak, but look now. Man I loved you! My love was like a dove, pure and innocent, I'm like a vent, you believe all the rumors, you're puttin me through tumors, I'm bending over backwards for you! Hey! Look at me! I'm on the top of the metal pole, the building of the dole, lightning storm, shattering the dorm, flash of light, didnt put up a fight, just evanesced away, guess it's time to pay, for all the things that you believed...

Maybe maybe I'm getting over you baby baby maybe I'm just a crybaby but i might over reacting, but never retracting what I really wanna say. I guess I'll take it day by day, tryin to stop myself from grabbin this knife and stabbin. Myself or everyone else, doesn't matter, it's no loss. In fact I'll make a pact and kill myself, the world would unfurl all the glee of seeing me pee myself as I slash my throat, I bash the floor with my dead head, slam my head in the door! Yay, he finally had to pay for the damage he caused, all of the sins but look at all these grins on the faces of these girls. But I'm back girls CRACK, a bat to my skull but im still kickin, I'm lickin' my lips runnin away, but hey, luck never goes my way. Fuck, I fell in the middle of the hall, people throwing a ball all around me. It's funny, I'm bleedin on the ground, needin someone, anyone at all. People just walking by, now I'm not gonna lie, it's probably my fault. Let's come to a halt, I thought you were gonna be there when I fell, but you just put me through all living hell, guess you'll be walkin by like the rest, just like I'm some fuckin pest. I was at my best until you broke me, soak me in your hate, I can't just wait to see you, hold you, wait, not happenin. Tappin in my brain can't stop thinking of you. There's some crazy voo..doo shit going on here, when will things be clear? I'm like a deer, you're the headlights, Will you stop or just pop my head off? You're at some crazy pace, like your daisy face, just can't keep up with you. You broke me down, biggest frown, I crumble but I still be humble when you're leavin', I'll just be heavin' my load, tryin not to fold. Now I respect your decision, so respect the penicillin that I'm poppin, while I'm choppin all my hair, just don't care, throw a bear, I'll take it on, bring it upon me to deal, I will never heal. You don't get it, not at all, can't explain the pain you put me through. You say it's no big deal, do you even feel? You can just move on, I can't! I'll just write a rant and maybe chant what you did to me. You're over me, I'm over you, hell no I guess I'm just fine.