Lost And More Importantly, Loved

Chapter 11

Axel

Over the past few weeks, Stella and I had spend every waking moment together. And I must say, the friend group has started asking questions on our whereabouts. When Stella and I told them we were hanging out together lately, they didn't seem to question it any further. Which to my knowledge, was weird. I would expect them to be all up in my business especially since we're all friends. I don't know if whether they want me or Stella to say something first but I'm glad they gave us the space and time to do so. I don't even know what's going on between the two of us to be honest. She seems abit different - less conflicted by her own thoughts and more focused on the present and what's right infront of her.

Which is me, I'm hoping.

I've watched countless movies together and spoke until we passed out. I enjoyed every moment of her company and often wondered if she felt the same. I wouldn't pressure her but I couldn't help how I felt. How she grew on me. That part always happens so quickly. It bothered me alot, though. To start enjoying someone's company so much that you seem to think of nothing else you'd rather be doing.
One night, we were watching an episode of the anime Your Lie In April due to research purposes for her fanfiction and I found myself blurting that I had missed her. She replied sarcastically, saying that she'd wished she could say the same. Although that's the type of replies you'd usually get from Stella, that night it did sound like honesty to me. Perhaps behind all her sarcastic remarks, there are some hidden truths.

Tonight, I can sadly say that I am not with Stella. She's tending to her over due chapters she had missed out on updating because of all the time spent with me. I smile at the thought. She must like my company then, to put spending time with me before her updating schedule. She's cute. I smile, again.

Coming to my senses, I look around and the boys are all staring at me.

"It's your turn, dude. Put down your cards and stop thinking about her." Terry says, mocking my smile and emphasizing the word 'her'.

Joey and Terry had come over for the night to play some cards, have a beer and catch up. Since... we haven't for obvious reasons.

I put down my cards. But they're still staring. Staring like they're trying to figure me out. I haven't been much of an open book all my life but the way I feel right now? There's no way I can hide it. Even if I tried.

"What?" I ask them, bursting into a laugh.

"Oh, so you were thinking about her." Joey teases.

Yeah. There's no going back now. They are definitely not letting this conversation go any time soon. But I didn't mind, to be honest. All I wanted, was to talk about her.

"What if I was, Joey? Then what?"

"Then you'd have to tell us what's going on in that head of yours?" Joey replies, taking a sip of his beer.

"I knew you guys were fishing for answers!"

"Why wouldn't we? You're both our friends. If there's any feelings involved, we would want to know." Terry says, sorting his cards and playing an ace.

"I don't know about her feelings toward me but-"

"Before you continue," Joey suddenly interrupts.

"Have you seen her lately? She's... well, what is it they call? Healing?"

Yeah, she's all I see.

"We should be happy for her though. It took her a long time for her to get to this point." Terry states.

"I'll let nobody hinder it." Joey says, gulping down his beer faster and I give him a pat on the shoulder, reassuring him that she's in safe hands and that the happiness she had found within herself so recently, will stay with her.

Terry then suggests I continue. So without hesitation, I do so and the boys listen attentively.

"She makes me feel safe enough to open up and now I feel like I'm on the edge of falling because I'm already too close to the cliff, you know?"

"What if you're already falling?" Terry questioned.

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to. Mainly because I didn't have the slightlest clue how Stella felt about me. This was the scariest part about falling for someone - hoping they'd feel the same.

"All I know is my feelings towards her has changed. What I feel is so paradoxically conclusive because even though I know what I feel, I want to take my time figuring out if I should tell her."

In between all the drinks, Joey and Terry decided that the living room couch would be their bed for the night. The intoxicating feeling in my system made thinking about Stella worse. It urged me to be confident because you never know until you try. Right? I needed some sort of outlet. I needed to scream this feelings.

Next thing I know, with my blurry vision, I'm speed dialing her. So much for taking my time, huh?

"Stella... I have something to say." I say slurred without even a pleasant 'hello'.

"Axel, why do you sound like that?" She asks, somewhat concerned.

"Hold up. I'm coming over... RIGHT NOW." I put down the phone and sloppily make my way down the neighborhood to her front door.

To my surprise, she's already out front. Clinging to her night gown, sitting on the bench looking straight in my direction.

I give her no chance to ask any questions. I just need to speak. First.

"Stella," I smile, closing my eyes. And I lean closer to her and she holds me up straight.

"Just listen.. I've been wanting to tell you to this for weeks. So here I am, telling you now. You... remind me of the younger me and I wish I had someone who made it better and I almost gave up on myself back then - but that's not the point - you... you on the other hand make me feel things. I don't know how else to explain it..." I lean on to her and go in for a hug and she's struggling to put her arms around me.

Cute. Still.

"If you could just give me a chance..." I whisper in right ear.

"I swear, I wouldn't utter a word differently - sober or drunk - if it meant it wouldn't lead me to you."

"But, Axel you are drunk. And that doesn't mean-" She says, puzzled like she doesn't know how to word her sentences correctly. I release my arms from the hug and look directly into her soft, dark down eyes.

"Dang, I might be. But I'm more honest than drunk right now. So what to do say you Stella? Wanna give us a chance?"