Lost And More Importantly, Loved

Chapter 15

Axel

I slowly start to regain my consciousness as chatter crosses above me. Everything's blurry at first and my mind is trying its best to recall how I've landed here and why my head hurts so bad.

After a moment, the memory surfaces. Everything had happened so fast.

But wait, where is Stella? I start to question myself.

Stella, if anything were to happen to her-

I jolt up, hyperventilating and my body inducing itself into a panic attack.

"Hey, hey!" Joey says at my side, noticing that I'm awake.

"It's going to be okay. You're okay." Terry reassures as he puts his hand on my shoulder but there's no mention of Stella which only makes me even more anxious.

"W-Where's Stella?" I say shakily and both Terry and Joey give me looks of concern.

"She's in another ward on the floor above us. Don't worry too much, Emily and Elle is with her. You're both conscious, so that's good." Joey replies.

"Yeah, Emily updates us by text every little while so that way neither of you are left alone, even for an instant." Terry says with a small smile, trying to make me feel abit better but it doesn't work. Not today. Not now.

Not when I'm feeling this huge amount of guilt weighing in my chest.

"I see you've got him sobered up pretty well." I say to Joey, trying my best to dodge my bubbling self-hatred.

"Yeah, I managed to. Thank Goodness." Joey says in relief.

Atleast there's one good thing that happened today. No Emily-wrath. But then again, there's no denying that this situation did mess up Joey's birthday plan.

"Sorry man, happy birthday." I say to Terry, adding to all the guilt.

"It's okay. This situation kind've forced Emily and Joey to spill the beans on the surprise. I appreciate the effort man, thanks." Terry says, giving me another smile but this time, a appreciative one.

I return a smile, thankful that he isn't mad that he's sitting at my hospital bed on his birthday. My mind races thoughts about Stella again.

"You want to go and see her, huh?" Joey says, reading my mind.

"Yeah, badly." I confess.

"Are you in the state to walk though? I mean we can take an elevator to the top floor but still, you took quite a knock." Joey asks, as he comes closer passing me my hospital slippers. Ugh.

"Hell yeah I am. I might've got a knock against the head but there's nothing wrong with my legs. Let's go and see her." I say, adamant but abit terrified at the same time, slipping my feet in the slippers.

I kept in mind that Stella was still angry at me. There's no doubt she would be. She has every right to be. I shouldn't have read that entry. I should've waited on her consent. I don't want to make any excuses for myself right now. All I want to see is her. All I want to do, is make things right. That's the only thing on my mind right now, apart from the hope that she's okay.

Terry and Joey helps me up, my head spins abit and I tell them to hold on to me until we reach Stella's ward. I can't afford to take a knock twice, now can I?

We eventually reach the ward Stella's situated in and I see Emily and Elle at her bedside, both with teary eyes. Stella is smiling back them, with tears filling her eyes aswell.

She looks okay except for all the tears and bandages over her cheek, down until her neck. My shoulders releases it's tension knowing she's okay.

We approach them slowly.

I can't help my urge to be affectionate right now. I don't care if she's still going to be mad at me. I don't care. I need to hug her.

I make my way into her embrace and to my surprise she responds affectionately aswell.

"Axel, perhaps it would be for the best if you st-" Emily suddenly says, but she stops mid-sentence when she sees me holding onto Stella even tighter.

Stella gives a laugh giving me a rub on the back. And I'm confused.

"I'm fine. You must've been worried because you're not usually this affectionate." Stella says, still with a smile never leaving her face.

I was worried.

"Stella-" I say, wanting to apologize first thing.

"You're evolving, my friend."

"Oh shit." Joey softly mutters under his breath.

I let go of her embrace, slowly. Friend. Did she just call me her friend? What the hell is going on? I know we weren't dating but she knew my feelings. There's no way in hell she would call me that so openly. She's considerate and empathetic. She wouldn't do this on purpose at all.

"What's going on?" I turn to Emily.

Emily sighs and fills us in. Due to the serve knock Stella took, it is clear that Stella lost her memory. Doctors call it memo-core amnesia. You lose all your recent ones and remember all your old ones. Whilst Emily was talking my mind kept asking "Why, why, why?" But when I think back on my actions toward her, my mind answers "Oh, that's why." But none of that makes the pain any less than realizing that Stella's recollection of our time spent together is nothing but a shout into a void now. It all just vanished. All of it.

"So all of it, all her most recent memory from the past month is just gone?" I ask, refusing to believe it. She's supposed to be angry at me right now, not sitting there happy that I'm finally open to show some affection.

My disbelief consumes me. I turn to Stella. Her eyes are soft and puffy from all the tears.

"Tell me you're angry at me. Tell me what I did was wrong. Tell me, please... I need you to-" I burst into tears with my hands covering my face.

Stella looks confused but she remains quiet.

"Please..." I beg her.

"What should I be angry about, you know you'd never make me that upset..." Stella answers not knowing if she's answering to my blabbering correctly.

This pains me. She doesn't understand. She doesn't remember what I've done.

Terry pulls me away, telling me that I cannot do this now.

"You're both just confused after the accident." Emily interjects, trying to soften the tension.

Emily, Joey, Terry and I make our way to the door and my tears are still rolling. The others are contemplating on how to make me feel better but the truth is, nothing could. Into conversation, Emily mentions that the Doctor said there is a small percentage that Stella could regain her recent memory if we tried hard enough to trigger it. But the way things are looking now, we'd first have to find out what she remembers now. What is the reality of her mind right now.

We try and think of it.

"So if she doesn't remember her most recent memories and only her old ones, what do they refer as old memories?"

"The Doc said, probably like, 5 months ago and back-" Emily responded and Joey cuts her off.

"Wait, are you all thinking what I'm thinking?"

We're all quiet for a moment.

Fuck. 5 months ago means she vividly remembers her breakup. Like it happened yesterday, probably.

Fucking hell. Why? Why when we've tried so hard to get her out of that state? Why when she finally gave herself a chance to feel something again?

Why's life this unfair?

As much as she remembers, life wouldn't dare give a chance and let her forget huh?

My fists clench, "We can't let her remember any more than she already does. We need to do something. Quickly."