Better Left Behind. (Michael Afton AU)

Really Michael?

(Henry's POV)

Michael walked in, and Henry's head snapped up.

"Michael?" Henry said, softly. He saw a guilty look on Michael's face, he wondered what happened with Clay.

Michael didn't respond, and continued to his brothers hospital room. Clay walked in just as Michael was turning the corner.

Clay looked like he had just murdered Michael, and lied about it. He took the empty seat beside Henry and sighed.

"What happened?" Henry asked, trying to mask his suspicion.

"I went and said some things I shouldn't have, I didn't know he.."

"He what Clay?"

Clay averted his gaze away from Henry's piercing stare.

"That he tried to kill himself. After it happened. I knew he knew something about those cuts on the victims arms, he wouldn't tell me. I may have..gotten cross with him."

Henry glared at him, it was a searching stare, like he was looking for something hidden in Clay's eyes, something that would tell him..why? Why would Clay do that to Michael?

"He reminds you of William doesn't he?" He inquires, it's not accusatory. He sounds genuinely curious, even if he's angry with him.

"No! Of course not, he just..I thought he was.." Clay tried to defend himself, he didn't want to admit to Henry he was right. Because now he knew how wrong he was.

"You can't judge him based on what his father did."

"It wasn't that. I always knew he wasn't responsible for what William did, but after what he did to his brother? I couldn't help but be reminded of those children his father killed. I know he was just a kid, a stupid one, but I never let go of it." Clay sighed, and finally looked Henry in the eyes.

"He didn't either."

"I know Henry. I know that now, but it's too late, Jesus..he hates me." Clay shook his head. He thought of Michael as a young child, he only remembers him in passing. He didn't speak to him directly until he was brought into the station after his younger brothers birthday. He recalls the look in Michael's eyes that day. He understands now what it meant back then, it was fear and guilt. Fear of what would happen, not to him, but to his brother. Guilt, knowing he had been so reckless with the miracle that was his brothers life.

Henry almost looked like he felt bad for him.

"Michael doesn't hate you." He said sternly.

"Henry, even if he doesn't, I fucked him up bad alright? He snapped at me, rightfully so. he feels guilty over it. I don't know how to apologize to him, not now with him under this stress." Clay sighed and leaned his head back, he closed his eyes briefly and let fatigue keep them closed.

Henry didn't know how to respond to that, he knew Michael would tear himself up over this, be uncomfortable around Clay, and try to avoid him. How could he say sorry?

(Michael's POV)
Stepping back into the hospital room felt suffocating, and he felt fear wash over him and Elizabeth looked him over as he sat down.

"So, what did Clay want with you?" She asked.

"Nothing." He shrugged. His hands were shaking.

Elizabeth wasn't convinced. Why does Michael lie to her? You would think after all these years he'd learn how to be honest when it matters.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, just tell me."

Michael meets her eyes, and he clasps his shaking hands together to steady them. He begins to speak quietly. "He doesn't trust me because I didn't want to tell him about something personal pertaining to the current murder case. I didn't deem the information useful so I kept quiet, but he uh..he made me tell him." Michael looks down at his shoes.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but what exactly did you tell him?"

"That I..attempted suicide. Let's uh, talk about something else huh?" He tried to smile, but it was horribly forced.

"We will have to come back to this."

"I'm very aware." He sighed.

Elizabeth looked like she had the most mischievous idea, something that would be very entertaining.

"Let's talk about your strange friend, Jeremy."

Now that, Michael could talk about.

"He's not strange."

"Anyone you hang out with is. Every time I see you two together it's like you guys are always about to kiss. It's unnerving."

"We have ne-never, kissed. Where'd you get that idea from?" He stuttered.

"He's so obviously in love with you it's painful to watch." She laughed.

"We're just friends." He averted his eyes to the hospital bed, a new wave of guilt drowning him.

Her eyes followed his gaze, and her smile disappeared. She sighed.

"You didn't do this to him."

"Then who did?" He snaps back. "Everyone has been telling me it's not my fault, but what if it fucking is?" He breathes in before continuing. "I-I can't listen to Henry, or Jeremy, or you tell me again and again how I deserve forgiveness."

He stops and he looks up at her.

"Because I don't. When I- I did this to him, the first thing I was scared of wasn't his death, it was what father would do to me, isn't that funny?" Michael laughs, and his fingernails dig into his palms. "Chris told me that he doesn't understand why I did what I did, and that he doesn't hate me. If he really knew why I did it, he would. I think everyone would." He takes in a shuttering breath, "I don't deserve.." His voice stops. His eyes darken.

(Elizabeth's POV)

Why did he do it? That's her first thought when he finished speaking. She scolds herself for thinking that, he's saying insane things, he sounds like he's a kid again. She tries not to feel the anxiety rising in her throat. The last time he said things like this, he ended up in the hospital. "Don't deserve what?"

"Forget it. It's not important r-right now, what's important is him. I won't speak of myself anymore."

"Michael-"

"No."

Damn him. He's closing off again, she thinks. He gets defensive when anyone questions him about how he feels, and she's sick of him neglecting his own feelings for the sake of others.

She just wants him to talk to her, to be truthful.

She doesn't know if he has enough time to be.