To say 'I love you' when you cannot...
Have you ever loved someone but been unable to say the words out loud? When your heart has been broken before. When you wanted to be guarded with your feelings. But then 'they' happen and you fall fast once more. Your heart melts when you're with them, when you think of them. You want to say 'I love you' to their face. To tell them outright. But you just can't. You're with them, look at them with a smile on your face and in your eyes, the words are on the tip of your tongue, and your throat seizes up, the words won't come out, no matter how hard you try.
What do you do? How can you tell them you love them? You could give them something. Buy them small things, but then that raises a question. What would you buy for them? What things do they like? What would they want to be given? You could make something for them. Something personal, hand crafted. But what do you make? Will they like it? You could do things for them. But what would you do? What would they appreciate?
So you hide your feelings within words. So many words. You write and write and continue to write the words of your love and longing. Yet still there will always be more words to be used. Songs and poems, stories and letters. The words you can't say out loud immortalised and preserved in writings. All the words you speak, you know yourself you talk a lot so why is it so hard to say those words. Or when you hardly speak at all, when all there usually is, is silence. How then do you speak your feelings.
When you speak so much you can show it in the choice of your words. You no longer speak their name. To you they become something more. The words just fall off your tongue like it's the most natural thing in the world. Dear heart, darling, dearest, my love, my light, my moon and stars. All these words, all these things you call them yet you still cannot utter those three little words.
When you hardly speak at all, you can show it through expression. The way you look at them changes. No longer is there blank faced looks and a straight face. There's warmth in your eyes, perhaps a slight sparkle whenever they say something you believe to be funny. Your lips may quirk upwards into smiles, however small they may be, just because they are being themselves. When they're around you, your stuff, strong and tough shell starts to melt and you become more relaxed around them. So few words but those three little words are the hardest to say.
So then if we're stuck with this problem, two people with the inability to outright tell the other 'I love you', at what point can you call them 'yours'? When can you start referring to them as 'Boyfriend'? 'Girlfriend'? 'Partner'? When can you tell others that you're together? That you are no longer just friends and you've finally confessed your feelings. Will it ever happen or will you just pine for eternity after that one perfect person that you wish could be yours...
