Arrested // Malec

19.

[Alec Lightwood]

I didn't go to the main hall the next day after being discharged from the hospital wing. I was far too exhausted to deal with Clary and her bullshit and the events from the night before made the knot in my stomach. I could still feel his hands on my
throat, trying to choke. I have seen him out of control before, when he cracked Heidi's head open, but this was different. It was like he was a completely different person. I don't know what the guards has being doing to him, but it must have been horrible. Magnus was so nonchalant and confident when we met the first times, but now he's afraid and broken.

It hurt to see him like this.

It was still raining outside but the guards didn't care, they still forced me outside along with a few other prisoners from Ward C. Since we all start to get along again in the main hall, they have decided to let us out in the yard again, only in smaller groups though. Clary or Raphael wasn't allowed outside at the same time as me and as much as I was thankful for that, I felt rather bored to not have sometime to talk to. Well, Raphael didn't always do so much talking but it seems like Clary lives hearing her own voice, as much as she talks.

I was sitting on one of the benches, trying my best to hide myself under the thin jacket that we got before heading outside. It wasn't warm, but it gave a little protect from the awful weather. I was so far deep into my thoughts that I barley noticed the figure staring at me from the other side of the fence, but when I looked up, I saw Simon. He looked tired and when my eyes landed on his face, I could see a small bruise forming over his left eye, like someone had given him a real punch. I stood up from the bench and started walking towards him, not even sure what I was supposed to say. I thought he would turn back and leave when he saw me coming, but he didn't.
-You look terrible, I said and looked him up and down, noticing a few more bruises on his arms
-You don't exactly look good either. What happened to you? Simon asked, pointing at the bruise on my neck that Magnus had left after chocking me
-Nothing, I muttered
-Did the guards do that to you? You know, you could have them arrested for shit like ghat, Simon answered
-No, they guards didn't do this, I said
-Then who did it?

I didn't answer. Instead I looked down at the ground and felt how I just wanted to disappear. I felt dumb and embarrassed at the same time, not really knowing why.

-It was Magnus, wasn't it? Simon suddenly asked, snapping me out of my trance and making me look at him
-Yeah, I muttered
-I told you after your first meeting with Magnus Bane that it was a dangerous game you're playing, Simon said
-I know
-Do you want to talk about it?
-There's not much to talk about. I thought I could help him, maybe even save him, but I was wrong. He's too far gone to be saved, I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I didn't feel like crying in front of Simon.
-Look, I'm sorry that I have been giving you the cold shoulder. I know you didn't kill Heidi. It's just, she meant a lot to me and when she died, I lost it. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, Simon said and faced the ground
-Don't apologise, Lewis. It's my own fault for taking the blame for something I didn't do. I thought it would mean for me to be closer to Magnus, but I barley even get to see him, I answered and sighed

Neither of us said something for a while. We just stood in silence, staring at each other, almost like we were enjoying the other ones company.

-What happened to you by the way? I asked and looked Simon up and down
-Raj happened. I fucking hate him, Simon muttered and gritted his teeth
-He beat you up?
-Yes, like I was his punching bag. The beating started when you got transferred to Ward C, but this time was a lot worse than any other time, Simon answered and dragged his hand through his dirty hair
-God, I hate him, I muttered

I could see that Simon was just about to answer when a loud alarm sounded across the yards, signalling that it was time for everyone to head back in.
-I guess this is goodbye, for now, I said and looked at my former roommate
-I guess you're right, Simon answered

I have him one last look before I turned around and started walking away.

-Alec, wait! Simon suddenly said, making me stop in my tracks and turn around to face him again
-Yeah?
-I do believe that there's still good in Magnus, he just needs help finding it. Don't give up on him, Simon answered before he turned around and disappeared into Ward A

Maybe he was right, maybe not.

While back in my cell, I leaned against the wall, feeling a little bit better than I did earlier today. It felt nice talking to Simon again. I would even go as far and say that I miss him, but I would never admit that out loud. Never.

I was just about to fall asleep when someone opened the door to my cell, making me look up.
-Lightwood, you have a visitor! The guard who had opened the door said
-What? I asked, feeling chocked

I never thought that someone from
my family would come and visit me after the day in court. Izzy made that very clear the last time she visited.

I followed the guard through the corridors and when we arrived at the small meeting room, I saw Jace sitting on the other side of the glass, fully dressed in his police uniform. The guard left the two of us alone and I sat down in the chair, looking at my brother who sat on the opposite side.

-I never thought I would see you here again. Not after court, I said, trying not to show too many emotions
-Something's happened, Jace said

His voice was stern and when I looked closely, it almost looked like he had been crying. His eyes were puffy.

-What's wrong? I asked, feeling the knot in my stomach getting bigger
-It's mum
-What are you talking about?
-She's gone, Jace said, not even looking me in the eyes
-No, she can't be gone. She just can't! What happened? I asked, trying my best not to cry, but failed miserably
-She got really sick about a week ago. We didn't think much of it, believing that it probably was the flu, but it appeared that she had gotten an aggressive brain tumour. Too aggressive to do anything about

I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say. My mother was dead and I would never get to see her again. I never got to apologise to her, assuring her that I would do my best to be a better person. I never got to tell her the truth about Heidi, that I was and the one who killed her.

-When's the funeral? I asked, not even wanting to think about my mother being buried six feet under ground
-In a few weeks, Jace answered and cleared his throat, trying not to cry
-I'm not allowed to go, am I?
-No, I'm sorry, Jace said and looked at me with pleading eyes

I didn't get the chance to answer when the guard suddenly came back, telling me that the time was up and that I had to rerun to my cell, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay with Jace. I wanted to hug him and cry against his shoulder.

-Lightwood, don't make me use violence, the guard said
-Go, I'll come back another time. I promise, Jace said
-Promise? I asked, looking at him with so much pain in my eyes that I saw how he had to look away for a second
-I promise

With that, Jace stood up and left the room, leaving me all alone with the guard. I also stood up and then we headed back towards my cell where the guard unlocked the door and pushed me in, showing no mercy.

When I knew I was alone, I let it all out. I was crying heavily, for my mother, for my family, for Magnus. I didn't know how I would be able to continue living my life, not after this, not after the loss of my beloved mother.

She was my everything and now she was gone and never coming back.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

[To be continued...]