Another Lifetime

Chapter 52

Monse's POV:
**Four months later**
"You're late." Lola tells me when I get in her car. "Sorry, I was in the middle of something." I explain. "What's more important than this?" She raises her eyebrows but she keeps her eyes on the road. "I got my GED." I explain and she swerves. "You passed?!" Lola smiles. "Yeah and I'm about to pass away if you keep driving like that." I hit her shoulder and try not to smile. "Look at you being educated and shit!" She hits the steering wheel with the palms of her hands. "It's not like it makes a difference." I remind her. "Why not?" She's actually confused. "Someone has to watch Mona." I explain. "Just 'cause Cesar-" she stops to think of how she's gonna say it. "He's gone but you still got people." Lola words It the best way she can. "Don't start with that shi-" she cuts me off. "Shut up and listen for a minute. You got your sister watching her right now. Girl doesn't have a job or school... no friends outside of these few blocks. Where's she gonna go? Home?!" Lola laughs. "Don't be a dick." I roll my eyes. "Even if she did, you got everyone else here. We're gonna help you with whatever you wanna do but you can't be making excuses. Mona's not a fucking excuse for you to give up on what you want." She finishes her speech. "You got a lot to say for a girl who's about to get married and ditch her kid with me for a week." I kiss my teeth. "I know you're not getting a damn attitude with me. I'm getting married in a couple months and after that honeymoon shit I'll be right back." Lola turns off her headlights. "You got it?" She asks when I pull the gun out of her glove compartment. "Yeah." I nod. "Not how I pictured spending girls' night." She laughs.I pull up my hood and we roll down the block. "Just pray we see our kids tonight." I kiss Cesar's chain and Lola nods. "You know you didn't have to be here for this." Lola tells me. "No way I was gonna let you do this shit alone." She squeezes my arm. "Just remember what they did to Cesar, and shoot." She tells me. I just keep staring. "Pull the damn trigger or I'll run them over and shoot you for making me get blood on my shitty ass car." She says. I don't say shit and she tries to take the gun from me. "Drive." I mumble. "Let me do the damn thing." She's not offering just to be nice. "I said drive and you're gonna fucking listen to me." I yell. They look at us and I panic.

We don't talk the rest of the ride. "Pull something like that again and Eby's not gonna be cool with it. Can't keep acting like this." She stops at Cesar's house. "Like what? Like I don't wanna die? Like I want Mona to have at least one parent?!" I scream in her face and she laughs. "Monse, go inside. I'm gonna handle it for you. No one has to know it was me." She tries help fix it. "I don't work for Eby... tell her I said that. What I did or didn't do doesn't have shit to do with her. You leave it alone until I decide what I gotta do with them." I tell her. "You don't have to keep trying to take care of me." I add when she doesn't say anything. "I know what you're going through. If you want outta this life no one's stopping you. You deserve to leave while you can." She says.

"How was it?" Odessa asks while she paints her nails. "Good. We just got some food and shit." I lie. "You not get that shit all over my damn couch." I throw myself next to her. "Mona's asleep?" I ask. "Yeah, she knocked out a while ago. Kept asking for him though." She shouldn't have told me. "Dumb ass shouldn't have taught her how to say dada." I roll a blunt and pull out Cesar's lighter. "Great." I throw it at the wall when it doesn't light. "It's already been a few months, he-" I cut her off 'cause I don't even wanna hear it. "Cesar needs to be here." I hug my knees to my chest. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wanna go to college or some shit. I wanna make money... legit money. Mona can't think this is what life is like. I want her to grow up like you did." I tell her. She pulls out her lighter and puts it in my hand. "You know my parents would let you stay with them in a minute. Mona could go to some nice ass school named after a white dude. They'd probably pay for you to go to college since Jamal's going for free and I'm a fuck up." She laughs. "How's Jamal with the whole Cesar thing?" I ask. "Why you gotta kill the fucking vibe?" She rolls her eyes. "Answer." I flick her shoulder. "He misses him. Thought about visiting but it's not easy. There's not really a point. Not like Cesar has a lot to say." Odessa shrugs. "That's fucked up man." I laugh. "I'm thinking about going tomorrow and taking Mona. It's depressing as shit but it's better than nothing." I tell her. When she doesn't say anything I know she doesn't like the idea. "Depressing is the best way to describe that place." She says. Mona starts crying out of nowhere and I get up. "You said she's been sleeping through the night, right?" I ask. "Yeah." Odessa nods. I walk into Spooky's old room and pick up my almost one year old. She cries and yells "mama" even after I pick her up. I don't think she knows what it means but hearing her say my name and cry is the worst shit. "Don't worry, we're gonna go see dada." I tell her.

*** next afternoon ***
I'm bouncing Mona on my lap just staring straight forward. There's a loud buzz and a door swings open. Cesar walks out in handcuffs and a prison jumpsuit. I'll never get used to seeing him like this. "Hi." I hug him for the few seconds they give us.