toxic [larry stylinson] ✔️

♡ twenty - l ♡

Louis' tough demeanor was cracking and he knew it ever since his mother changed her number. He was becoming that guy. That guy who consistently needed to be near someone because he thought that he was going to do something absolutely stupid. That guy who wanted to be in charge but everytime he had something, it slipped from his finger tips as quick as it could.

Drugs ain't gonna save you, kid. He remembered his drug dealer telling him after he left Harry's house and before he came to school. Maybe they won't, but it got rid of the constant pain in his chest whenever he inhaled the air that would keep him living and walking on this very earth. Louis was in his car straddling Harry's waist while crying into his neck, it should've been awkward since they were both in the passenger seat and Louis had just got done sucking Harry off but it wasn't.

Harry was rubbing his hand on Louis' back soothingly slow, whispering words of endearment into Louis' ear with his eyes closed. "You can't keep everything inside, you know that Louis?"

I have to, was what Louis wanted to scream, but he was afraid that it would come out in little gargles from how much he was crying. Louis was so pissed off with himself for not being able to pull himself together, and he use to be so good at it. It was all Harry's fault for being so caring and different, and he has turned Louis into this feeling-sharing emotional dickhead.

"Just gotta let go sometimes. You can act tough with me whenever you want and you can treat me like shit on the worst days, but I'll still be here to hold you at the end of the day and you know that." Harry breathed. "I know that you use me sometimes to get rid of the pain, because you know you have me wrapped around your finger. I'm the only thing you have left to control."

Louis hated how much Harry was right. The caramel haired boy sniffled and rubbed his wet nose on Harry's blue shirt, pulling back so that he was looking into those green sympathetic eyes that he tried to avoid. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I just want to take care of you, Louis. Let me do it." Harry whispered, he gently pushed Louis backwards so that he was pushing against the dashboard. "Let me take over for once."

Louis knew that this was a bad idea, but he let Harry pin his arms to his side and pepper kisses on the side of his neck hesitantly, not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable. Harry let his hands roam under Louis' shirt without breaking eye contact, his fingers ghosting over his skin so that he shivered involuntarily. "Harry..."

The curly haired boy let out a soft sh and pulled his hands from out under Louis' shirt, letting his fingers come down to toy with the zipper on Louis' jeans, tugging it down until he was staring at the waistband of his boxers. When he had his finger hooked onto the underwear was when Louis began to flail his arms wildly, pushing Harry back into the seat from how much he was moving. "Louis, calm down please-"

"Get the fuck out of my car!" Louis shouted angrily, hearing his voice crack towards the end as he removed himself from Harry's lap and into the drivers seat with stumbling movements. "I said get out!"

"What? Louis I-"

"I never want to talk to you again, do you understand me? Get the fuck out of my car right now, or so help me god." Louis said, his breathing turning into loud heaving as he pressed his back against the car door. I am going to die, Louis thought. I am going to suffocate and die. Harry reached his hand out to touch the small boy, who looked fragile while staring at him through heavy lids, but he quickly pulled back and nodded. "I'm giving you 10 seconds."

"Louis, can you just talk to me?"

"10."

"Louis, you can't keep pushing me away."

"9."

Harry huffed and looked out the window, turning back to Louis with sad eyes. "You love me, Louis. I know you do and I think that's what's scaring you."

"8." Louis said a little louder, trying to drown out Harry's words.

"You're scared that you'll love me way more than I'll be able to love you, you're scared to let go. You're scared to let things happen. You're just scared."

"7."

"I love you, Louis."

"6."

"You make me rethink the thought of God being real, yet I don't care because that's how much I love you."

"5."

"Louis-"

"4."

"I'm never giving up on you, you know that?" Harry asked, shaking his head while placing his hand on the car handle. "Even if you may not talk to me again, I'll still be here pining over you. Maybe what people say are right sometimes ya'know? Maybe you aren't worth as much as I think you are."

"3..."

"Goodbye, Louis."

"2-"

At 1, Harry was slipping out of the car and walking up the driveway with his backpack in tow, not wanting to look back at the car to see Louis' facial expression. The sound of the car door slamming hurt Louis' ears and so he started the car quickly, feeling the lunch he had earlier threaten to spill out of his mouth. His mouth felt dry and he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater to rid of the tears that he possibly shed during the talk with Harry, and all be wanted to do was jump off the nearest bridge.

Maybe you aren't worth much as I think you are.

His hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were turning white with tension, and he felt his feet tap against the brake nervously as he turned into the highway. Louis exhaled and drove slowly on the cement, looking into the rearview mirror to observe his messy quiff and his bloodstained eyes that was still leaking with tears. He was an absolute mess. There was a steady rhythm of honking horns as he stopped in the middle of the road, and the final one knocked him out of his daze so that his eyes returned to what was in front of him. Right driving.

Louis doesn't know what came over him at that moment, but he stomped his foot against the gas pedal and watched as his car accelerated forward, his fingers tapping with anticipation as he neared the car in front of him because yes he was finally getting out of this hellhole and no one could stop him. The last words he uttered before his vision went black and he slammed into the car in front of him was simple:

"I'm sorry."

NOTE: IS LOUIS DEAD OH NO

WHAT WILL HAPPEN

WHAT WILL HARRY DO WILL HE FIND OUT LIKE WTF

??!!! QUESTIONS MAN

going to nyc tomorrow for my school trip to a poetry slam, so enjoy this while you can.