Countryhumans Oneshots

Fuck Tourists

Happy Birthday, Aingeal Álainn, aka ApeculiarChild2. Please go read her books. This is something I highly enjoyed writing for her. (Also, I really hope I got things right)

"Hello?" America said as he answered his phone.

"Hello. I'm Alex from the Hawaii Police Department. I really hope I'm calling the right person for this. Anyways, uh...oh, this is so weird. Um, we have the State of Hawaii in custody. She beat up a tourist from California. She claims that the tourist started the fight, but the tourist's family claims they did nothing wrong, and Hawaii decided to attack them for being whi-"

"Imma cut you off there, Alex. First off, Wai doesn't fight people for no reason. If a fight happened, she wasn't the one who started it. Second off, 'attacking them for being white'? That's bullshit, and I think you know it. Thirdly, can you put Hawaii on the line? I need to talk with her." America said.

"Ye-yes, sir," Alex said. There was some movement before Hawaii's voice came over the line.

"Hello, Lika."

"Hey Wai. You have the shittiest fucking tourists ever, holy shit." America said.

"Yeah, I've noticed."

"Can't believe they arrested you. The police officer, Alex, who called me, sounded like he couldn't believe it either." America said.

"Well, when you beat up a racist haole tourist in front of more racist haole tourists, you tend to get arrested, even if you are the state," Hawaii asked. America could see her shrugging as she said that sentence, and he could tell she was smiling that bitter smile.

"I'll pay you bail and help you get out of this. I'm very proud that you have done this." He said. America heard Hawaii sigh in what he assumed was a relief.

"Mahalo Amelika." She said.

"No problem," America said as he walked to his computer and began to research how to make custom T-shirts.

"What's your shirt size?" He asked as he pulled open the website.

"Women's medium, why?"

"I'm making you a T-shirt that says 'Fuck Tourists' on it. Consider it a souvenir of your adventures today." America answered. Hawaii begins laughing her head off.

"They are making me give the phone and return it for the shirt. I am going to enjoy wearing it." Hawaii said. America then heard the phone switch hands before Alex's voice came on again.

"I thought you were going to lecture her?" He asked.

"I said I needed to talk to her. And by talking to her, I mean telling her how proud I am of her." America said.

"She beat up a tourist!"

"She beat up a racist asshole, the kind of person I really wished didn't live in my country. Now, I'll be over there in about five minutes, so then I can lecture those tourists to their faces. Good day, Alex." America said before hanging up.

He then proceeded to work more on creating that T-shirt for Hawaii. She needed it. And it would go with her coffee mug!