Countryhumans Oneshots

Camping is Deadly

Requested by LikeAPro42

In hindsight, accepting an invitation from Florida to go on a camping trip wasn't the best idea. But Mississippi was bored, and a break from her government had sounded wonderful. Now, she was wondering if it was too late to escape.

"¿Por qué hizo empezar un fuego, Puerto Rico?" (Why did you start a fire Puerto Rico?) Florida yelled as he began stamping out the flames slowly spreading towards the tents.

"Yo pensé muy divertido." (I thought it was very funny) Puerto Rico snapped back sarcastically, looking like he wanted to beat Florida over the head with his wooden spoon, his ears pulled back against his wooly hair, his teeth bared. Of course, that wasn't as intimidating as Puerto Rico probably wanted it to be, considering he wasn't lucky enough to get fangs.

It was, however, very adorable.

"I'm surprised it took us this long to get to arson," Georgia commented, watching the scene with amusement.

"It's not arson if it's an accident!" Puerto Rico yelled back.

"But wasss it an asssident?" Alabama asked.

"Cállate, snake boy." Puerto Rico snapped, throwing the spoon at Alabama. Alabama ducked, but Louisana caught the spoon.

"Now, frær, if you had broken one of my good spoons, I would have kicked your ass. You decided to have me make soupé, and I will ban you from eating my food till you get me a new one." Louisiana said.

"No, lo siento, Ana. Por favor, don't make me eat Rida's cooking." Puerto Rico begged, getting on his knees.

"Rude! I never sent you to the hospital!" Florida said, knocking his elbow into Puerto Rico's head.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't go to hospitals anymore, bruto." Puerto Rico argued, "Not since that hijo de puta Rhoads."

"That's gonna get ya killed one day, piti," Louisiana commented as Puerto Rico stood up, repeatedly jabbing his elbow toward Florida. Upon hearing Louisiana's comment, his face seemed to fall slightly.

"Hasn't gotten me killed yet." Puerto Rico muttered quietly, crossing his arms. Georgia went to stand beside him, bumping their shoulders together as a sign of comfort. Puerto Rico shot her a small smile.

"Ah, the mindset of a true American." Mississippi commented, trying to break the tension, causing Puerto Rico to flip her off, "Oh come on, that was a compliment!"

"Can I get unadopted now? I'll go be a recluse on my island and kidnap a bunch of people's kids like Wai." Puerto Rico sighed. Florida snorted.

"Lo siento, hermanito. You're stuck with us until the end times." Florida said, throwing an arm around Puerto Rico.

"Sweet, I'll be free next week." Puerto Rico said, causing Louisana to point her spoon at him.

"Piti, get that attitude out of my kitchen." They threatened, causing amused laughter to ripple through the group.

"Lou, it's bumfuck nowhere, Florida," Alabama said, "Lassst time we were here, we all had to go to the hossspital after Rida made us food. Assside from Richard, who doesssn't want to care about hisss health."

"Rida gave you poisonous berries. I am making food, and you will respect me." Louisiana said, ignoring Puerto Rico's complaints that he did get medical attention.

"They weren't poisonous. Y'all are just cowards," Florida argued, prompting Georgia to elbow him sharply in the ribs.

"Why did I let Florida talk me into this again?" Mississippi murmured.

"I don't know why you did, but Rida bribed me with Louis' cooking." Puerto Rico said, gaining nods of agreement from everyone aside from Louisiana.

"High praise from my siblings, but also, ouch, Flor, am I just a bargaining chip to you?" Louisiana asked, hand over their heart.

"Yeah, pretty much," Florida answered, no emotion in his voice,

"There's a joke to be had about our biological father there." Puerto Rico said.

"Quiet, or you're going in the swamp."

"Oh no, the swamp, so scary. I'm gonna see snakes and bugs!" Puerto Rico snarked back.

"Well, maybe if you're lucky, you'll see Shrek," Mississippi said, crossing her arms.

"Please, Shrek has standards. Why would he be in Florida?" Puerto Rico asked.

"¡Me cansé! El tiempo de pantano." (That's it! Swamp time.) Florida said, rushing at Puerto Rico, who dodged, blew a raspberry at Florida, then vanished, "¡Hijo de puta!"

"Well, at leassst there were no casssualtiesss thisss time."