Unchained Melody

Chapter 11

I quietly ate my dumplings. Thinking to myself while Bucky and Steve talked about stuff. I think I want to try and figure out what I can't remember. Like, there's the stuff that Steve and Bucky tell me, but I can't remember stuff for myself. And I am smart enough to know that there's stuff that Steve and Bucky aren't telling me.
Bucky knows what HYDRA put him through... I don't have the pleasure of getting those memories. I don't know how they caught us, just that we were in a train accident. I don't even remember the mission, just that Steve said we were on a mission and it went horribly wrong. How did it go wrong? What happened to my body? Yeah, the file gave me information about what happened to me at HYDRA but that was their point of view. Not my own, for me it wasn't all proper writing and training. It was pain, torture, and trauma. Nothing that I can remember just from reading some scientists' notes. And my feelings. I don't get to experience feelings about people. I need to rebuild those. And memories with my mom? All gone.
I hated asking Bucky about it. He wouldn't tell me anything and if he tried he would just shut down. It hurts to watch him think about it. It very clearly kills him. I have never really seen him cry. Except for when he has to think about HYDRA, and what they did to him. He suffers every day knowing what he did. And all I know is what he has the heart to tell me.

"Melody? What are you staring at?" Steve waved his hand in front of my face.
"Huh? What did you say?" I shook my head a little as my eyes locked on Steve's.
Bucky chuckled softly before reaching for one of the dumplings. "You are zoning out, Mel. Is everything okay?"
"Ya," I said softly before taking another bite of a dumpling. "I think I am going to talk to Bruce and see if he can figure out my memory issues."
The smiles on the boy's faces quickly faded as they both looked up at me. Both of them began to look concerned as they both just stared at me.
"What?" I asked before taking another bite. I put the lid on my take-out container before standing up and walking over to the fridge, placing it on the shelf.
"Are you sure?" Steve set down his fork as his eyes followed me.
"Why wouldn't I be sure?"
"Maybe because you are trying to unlock 90+ years of torture and pain." Bucky butted in with an attitude.
"No. It was like 65 years." I rolled my eyes.
"No, Mel. I won't let you do that to yourself." Bucky stood up fast, smacking his hand down on the table. His chair fell backward, but Steve reacted fast enough to catch it.
My whole body snapped around when I heard the thud of his vibranium hand hitting the table. "Don't you dare try to tell me what I can and cannot do."
"Steve!" Bucky snapped his head to look at my brother sitting next to him. "Tell her she's being fucking insane."
"Do you really want to remember?" Steve kept his eyes on me. "Not just what HYDRA did. Not just what you did for HYDRA. But Dad's abusive outbursts, losing mom, everything?"
My eyes shifted to Steve, nodding slightly. "Yes. I do."
"Bruce should be upstairs in his lab." Steve picked his fork back up and began to eat again.
"Really Steve? Do you understand what they will do to her?" Bucky crossed his arms over his chest.
"You know her, Buck. She is going to go to Bruce whether you and I like it or not." Steve stared at his food.
I began towards the stairs to make my way to Bruce's lab. Cluttering and thuds echoed behind me as Bucky and Steve continued to argue.
"That doesn't mean you need to act like you're on board with this decision," Bucky growled under his breath.
"I don't agree with her, but she wants to know and has a right to." Steve was talking with his mouth full now.
"You know how it's affecting me to know. Do you think she will be any better? There's so much she..." Bucky's voice slowly got quieter until I couldn't hear him anymore.
I walked a little while longer before I came across a room completely made of glass windows. I could see Bruce and Tony focused on something, talking to each other. I opened the door and walked in, softly knocking on the glass at the same time. "Hey, guys. Do you have a second?"
"Hello, Melody," Tony said softly, not even looking up from their work.
"Do you think you guys could figure out a way to get into my head?" I walked over to one of the empty chairs and sat down. Sliding over to look at what they are looking at.
Bruce looked up at me, "What do you mean?"
"My memories. I haven't been able to get my memories back and I would like to know if you guys can, um, find them? If you want to put it that way." I looked down as I turned the chair back and forth.
"We could try, I guess. I don't know how well it would work. Did you talk to Steve about this?" Bruce sat back in his chair. His interest had clearly shifted to what I was asking.
"She's an adult. She doesn't need to ask permission to do stuff." Tony stood up from leaning over the table. He turned around and walked to a computer. "We would need Wanda to help though."
I nodded as I looked up at him. "Is there any way we could save it? In case I don't remember anything after the fact?"
"Hey F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you ask Wanda to come up to the lab?" Tony looked like he was shifting through a computer. "We would need Wanda to agree to be hooked up to some machines, but otherwise, ya, we can record it."
I smiled a little. "Alright. Great."
"Don't get all happy. This will cause both of you an immense amount of pain."
My smile went away and I sat quietly while we waited. I know this is a bad idea. I know it can come close to killing me. I need to know though, it's killing me not being able to remember.

Wanda had agreed to help me. It took a little prepping for Tony but he got everything set up. They felt that it would be best for me to be asleep when Wanda goes in. She would have to do some digging. Tony said that it would all feel like a dream.
"Wanda, you can't tell me you are really going to go through with this." Bucky's voice echoed from outside the lab.
"She deserves to know, Bucky. You can't take that away from her. She has the chance and I am going to let her take it." Wanda spoke softly in response to Bucky's clear aggression.
The door opened and I turned my head to see Wanda and Bucky both walking through the door. I was laying on a table, and Wanda sat down by my head. They hooked her up to a blank screen.
"As soon as she picks up memories from Melody we should get a picture." Tony walked around like a chicken with his head cut off, making sure everything was working correctly.
Bucky walked over to me, gently grabbing my hand. "You don't need to do this. You can back out."
I placed my hands on his cheeks, pulling him close to me. "I will be fine, Bucky. Please have faith in me."
He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. Placing his hands on my sides, trying to pull me off the table.
"Bucky," I moved my hands to his wrists, trying to keep him from pulling me, "I will be ok. I want to do this."
"I will be right here the entire time." He said softly as he sat down next to the table.
I laid down, letting Wanda gently place her hands on my head. I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep.