Therrie's Thirty Days of Temperamental Cycle

Chapter 27: Guilt

"Anong iniisip mo ngayon, Therrie?" tanong ni Benji sa kaibigan.

Nilingon ng dalaga ang kaibigan at binungaran ito ng ngiti. "Wala naman. Why did you wonder na may iniisip ako ngayon?"

Napakibit balikat naman ito. "Ewan ko. Parang palagi ka rin namang may iniisip, 'di ba? Pero kung meron man, ano 'yon? Nami-miss mo ba si Bianca? Nami-miss ko na siya..."

Pinatong ni Benji ang kamay sa balikat ng kaibigan. "Of course, I'm missing her. I can't stop thinking about her, you know? Things change here and the fact that it's gotten worse every time we stay longer here, the more it gets worse. I think it's time for us to get out of this place... it's time for us to know where we should be. This is not the place for us. This is not our home. We cannot have our own freedom here... and may be hard to accept this, but we're not a family here."

"Oh..." Benji muttered, hearing all those words from Therrie somehow making him feel a little down. "But I have nowhere to go... this is my family... Bianca was my family, too."

Therrie smiled to show that she understand him. "I know... but remember that you still have your own family waiting for you outside of this place. I think that's the important thing, right? That you still have your own family. They were happy, you are, when they visited you so I think it won't be bad for you to be with your family again. It's nice to see that there are people who actually care for you than who they seem to be."

"Ah... anong ibig mong sabihin, Therrie? 'Di ba, nandiyan naman ang boyfriend mo na si Hernan? Saka... isa na siya sa mga boss ng health facility na 'to? Tama ba ako? Iyon kasi ang pagkasasabi niya kahapon no'ng kinausap niya ako."

Tumango naman ako sa tanong niya. "Yes, he's part of the board of directors now. And... I just want to say something to you, Benj. Hernan and I are no longer together. We broke up when the time I came back here so he's not my family anymore and he's the one who puts me back in this place. I was having the time of my life outside. I've met this person who helped me a lot. We don't actually know each other, but he helped me without hesitation. Even my own family must hate me for the things I've done here... so in short, I've got no family waiting for me outside of this place. But I don't care... I'm not guilty of the things I've done."

"That's sad, Therrie," he said. Niyakap pa nito ang dalaga para ipadama ang kanyang simpatya. Nang umalis naman ito ay namuo ang tanong sa kanyang isip. "Matanong ko lang, anong pangalan no'ng taong nakilala mo sa labas? Sa tingin mo ba kapag nakalabas ka na rin dito ay magkikita ulit kayo?"

Napakibit balikat naman ito sa tanong ng kaibigan. "Hindi ko alam... pero secret lang ulit natin ngayon ito, a?" aniya at tumango ang kaibigan. "Tinawagan niya ako no'ng nakaraang araw and he's ready to help me. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung paano niya ako matutulungan. But he's a great person, I must say... his name is Arkin. I'm not sure if that's his real name, but that's what he called his name."

"I wish I could meet Arkin, too."

Therrie chuckled, shrugging off. "I'm not sure about that... but we'll see. But just like what I said, what do you think about leaving?"

Napabitaw naman nang malalim na buntonghininga si Benji at napailing. "Hindi ko alam, Therrie... siguro... pero hindi muna ngayon. Ayokong matulad kay Bianca..."

"Huh?"

Natanga si Therrie sa inusal ng kaibigan. Namuo ang katanungan at kung ano-anong bagay sa isip niya. When Benji says a word out of nowhere, Therrie knew that there's something in it she should know and identify. Para bang kailangan niyang i-decode ang bawat sasabihin ng binata and this time, it shocked and confused her.

"Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yon? You know that Bianca's death was never your fault, righ?"

"Natatandaan mo ba 'yong sinabi ko sa 'yo no'n na inisa-isa kaming tanungin kung nasaan ka? No'ng araw na 'yon, bago kausapin si Bianca ni Doctor Carmona, may sinabi siya sa akin na natatakot daw siyang kausapin sila dahil baka maparusahan siya at ilipat sa private room. Pagkatapos no'n... hindi ko na siya nakita at nakausap. Hindi ko alam kung ano iyong tinutukoy niya no'n, pero sa tingin mo ba ano kaya iyong kinatatakutan ni Bianca no'n?"