He's nothing but everything

Chapter 24 Hungry Eyes

The ones who break your heart alway try to come back.... Just wait

I knew Liam, he will be back. After he's had his fun weekend with his girl friend, pretending to be someone that he's not he will be back, and he will be himself and just use me. I'm so used to that by now. I shouldn't even fight it. I thought I was stronger than this but I'm not, Liam makes me weak in the knees like no other. All I can really do right now is wait for that damn text, it's like I'm always waiting and waiting for him to say something important, but he never does, I wonder what is he really waiting for.

After what feels like and entire week went by I get a text from Liam.

'Hey'.

I waited for an hour before I replied back, and all I said was :

'Hi'.

He immediately replied to me by asking if he can come over. What more could he say to me, I mean actions are worth more than words, and after what he had just put me through for an entire weekend I think I know enough. I was fooled too many times by this man, I really am stupid and naive, I'm really supposed to be more mature than this, how can I let him treat me this way time and time again. How do I answer him, do I tell him to come over or do I tell him that I never want to see him again. It will be much easier for me now that we won't be seeing each other everyday, I won't have to look at his face during the physics classes or any other class for that matter, I won't have to look at his face and wonder how I could feel so strongly for this person, how my heart can literally skip beats for this man and how he can look at me and feel nothing. I'm trying to figure out how we shared such intimate, and memorable moments together and he can feel nothing for me, yet I feel just about everything for him. I mean, every time I look at him my eyes are drawn to either his broad shoulders, which makes me feel all giddy inside, those shoulders make me feel so safe around him, like he can protect me from anything, and recently I have just been staring at his crotch, so unlike me, wanting to know just how big his penis was, when I started to think of his big penis my vagina started to beat and throb and ache, oh gosh, I'm so angry with this man yet all I can think about is my sexual appetite for him, I want him.

All thoughts aside, I message him.

'Come over if you have something good to tell me, if not then don't bother, I don't want to see you. You've put me through just about enough Liam, and I don't think I can take it anymore. Please just live your life with Viola, enjoy her, I'm sure that's what you did over the weekend, while I sat here waiting for you to text me you were out having fun with her.'

He immediately replied.

'I get there's lots on your mind, but let me reassure you, I've done nothing but think about you all weekend. I've been waiting for this weekend to end so I can finally get to talk to you. I couldn't cancel the trip, the tickets were paid for and she didn't want to create a scene in front of her parents. When she came to pick me up on Friday morning I wasn't even ready Paige, I was so hung over from our party at your house I didn't even remember that I had a trip early Friday morning. I know that you are upset, considering what happened between us, that was one of the most impulsive things that I've ever done, but it was also one of the most exhilarating things. I care so much for you Paige and I always have, from the very first moment that I came up to you outside our engineering class and introduced myself, I was smitten by you. You had on that sleeveless cardigan over your school dress and that made you stand out, you looked so innocent like an angel, you had your hair just below your shoulders and you worn your hair down, with those bangs softly flowing across your forehead, that hairstyle is what sparked my interest in you, no one else at school had their hair down, yet you always had your hair down, I know that's a really stupid thing to say, but it's just something that I found so unique about you, and from the very first lunch break that we spent together, when you asked me if I wanted to share a coke with you, I felt an immediate connection with you. It was only until you started becoming so obsessed with hooking me up with Viola that I started to realise that you may have picked up that I was interested in you but because you didn't feel the same way you pushed me onto Viola. I started talking to Viola but I was still very much interested in you, I decided to give it a try and tell you how I really felt, that's when I got you that stuffed yellow bear, you loved him so much you even named him Gummy, you said he looked like your favourite Gummy Bear, I had hoped to give you the bear and tell you how I felt after school, so I hid the bear in your bag, and told you I'd walk you home after school, I even made arrangements with my mom and told her that I had wanted to walk home from school that day, hoping that you and I would walk home alone and I would have time to tell you how I felt. That's the same day you broke my heart, that day I saw you with Aaron, you were laughing and joking around with him just like how you used to laugh and joke around with me, then I over heard Renè telling someone that you and Aaron had started dating. You didn't even tell me that you liked Aaron, and now suddenly you guys were dating, we had gotten so close and you hadn't shared something so important with me. I approached you and you just pushed me onto Viola again, that's the day I let go of the thought of us, that's the day I came to my senses and told myself that you and I would never be more than friends, the very next day I asked Viola out.'

As I stared at that long text message, I started to feel guilt, I really did push Liam onto Viola. How could I have not seen the signs that Liam was very interested in me, now that I sit back and think about all the times that we've spent together, I see how he always tried with me. There was an incident that I remember, him and I were walking home from school together, I had told him how much I loved the movie dirty dancing, we had on the local radio station as we walked home and the song "hungry eyes" started playing, he started singing the song all the way home, even once the song was done on the radio, he continued to sing it, I joined him and there we were, screaming the lyrics to hungry eyes on a main road with lots of cars and pedestrians passing by, but we didn't care, we were just having fun. I was having fun so I hadn't really realised that when he was singing, he was singing to me, he was looking directly at me and singing those lyrics.

'I've been meaning to tell you
I've got this feelin' that won't subside
I look at you and I fantasize
You're mine tonight
Now, I've got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I'

Those were the words, the words that I now had scorn onto my heart, as I lay there on my bed reminiscing, all I could think about was the look that he had on his face while he was singing to me, I knew that look all too well, because it's now the look that I've been giving him for months, a look of wanting and needing, a look of lustrous desire, and pain at the same time, pain of knowing that you want something so badly but you know it will never be yours. I did this to myself, I didn't see the signs. The bubble gum incident should have been the red flag for me, but again I was too naive to even notice. When he gave me the yellow bear I should have realised, he didn't give anyone else a bear, and I had thought that it was just something friendly, I didn't know that it meant so much to him. I decided to text him back.

' Liam, it's all my fault, I ruined it for us, and I'm so selfish now that I want you I just expect you to drop everything for me, I can't be like this, I shouldn't be like this.'