He's nothing but everything

Chapter 6 Is It A Phase

Days turned into months, and before I even knew it, Aaron and I were dating. It all started out as a bet, a simple, unimportant, nonsensical bet. Little did I know that he had planned this out so that in fact he would be the one to win the bet, and I would just have to give in to him. Needless to say, he had won the bet, and I had to give him a shoulder massage, this was so uncomfortable for me, because up until that very day I had never touched a guys shoulders, let alone given him a massage. It was all fun and games until I had this strange urge to give dating another try and I wanted it to be with Aaron, something just held me back, I honestly don't know what it was but I just pushed that thought out of my head. I think that something that was holding me back was the bad memories coming back to me of the pain that I had experienced with Kent, the hurt and the betrayal all started coming back to me, my head was such a mess and I had no idea what to do, I knew I was still young and I knew that I had many more relationships to come and whether or not they were going to be good or bad experiences was just another mystery.

As Aaron and I started spending even more time with each other, my time with Liam and Rene got cut down to a mere good morning and goodbye in the afternoons, I only ever had time for Aaron, and it wasn't really my fault, I was forced to spend more time with him because Liam started spending more time with Viola. When Liam and I used to chat at night on the phone his messages were instant replies, he never kept me waiting, but recently he takes longer to reply to my messages, and I found it so strange that I just went up and asked him what was up, what was he always so busy doing, his reply was that he was always studying or he had to help his mom out with chores, or spend more time with his sister, he never told me the truth, he never told me how close he was getting to Viola, I shared ever detail with him about Aaron and myself and here he was lying to me about her, why would he not want to tell me about their relationship, why would he want to hide the fact that they even started dating, maybe it was too soon, and just maybe she was the one who didn't want anyone to know about their relationship, I mean I couldn't really get upset about anything because I was the one who set them up. I was hurt when I found out that they started dating from Shaun and not directly from Liam or Viola, how did Shaun know more about MY best friend. Shaun was Liams neighbor if not his best guy friend but Liam was never as close to Shaun as he was to me and now this sudden change, why.

Liam had now become totally smitten by Viola, and I had later found out that Viola hated the relationship that Liam and I had and she had tried everything in her power to make sure Liam and I were never together, she took up all his time during lunch breaks, she took up all his time after school and during school assemblies, the only real time that I got to spend with Liam was during our mutual subjects, we shared two mutual subjects at school which Viola was not apart of and this was our time with each other, we would have those long conversations again and we would laugh and joke, and this was just the time that I was the happiest, Aaron made me happy but nobody could make me as happy as I was when I was with my best friend, and nobody was going to come between us and our relationship, I was not going to let that happen. At the very beginning I did want Liam to be spending his time with more people and not just me, and now I got exactly that, but why am I feeling this way. I never expected this so called fling with Viola to become as serious as it was.

As time went by Viola started getting more and more suspicious of the relationship that Liam and I shared, I wouldn't blame her though because my actions just proved her insecure theory's. This is when I hate myself the most, this is the time of my life that I wish I had never done the things that I did, I could have saved myself and others so much of hurt.

I had this sudden epiphany, and I would say the main reason for this epiphany was jealousy. I had been noticing the green ticks on my messages to Liam with no reply back, and slowly I had started seeing beautiful pictures of Viola being added on his profile pictures, statuses about her and private intimate jokes that only they shared, the way he walked with her to class, the way he listened to every sentence that she said hanging onto each and every word that left her lips, I started noticing all of this and it made me angry, I was furious, I was confused. I even started to fight with Liam whenever we would go to our mutual subjects together, fight with him for the stupidest of reasons, I knew that I was jealous, but what I didn't know was why was I jealous, it's not like I wasn't dating someone, it's not like I didn't enjoy spending time with Aaron, at that time Aaron was great, I was just so confused, it took me days and days to realize that the reason I was so angry with Liam was because I had these feelings towards him, there and then, first things first, acceptance, I accepted my feelings towards him, I knew that I now liked him more than a friend, and I knew that this was a whole complicated situation, there's Viola in the picture and there's Aaron, why would I want to hurt any of them, but I also knew that I really liked Liam and I didn't want to be unhappy, it was my feelings or their feelings, all I knew is that I hated seeing Liam and Viola together. I was basically sitting on a fence, metaphorically speaking, with my legs on both sides, I could jump off at any side but the problem was, I didn't know which side to jump off to. That was my dilemma, so I decided to just give my own head a break and speak to one of my closest girl friends about it, I'm sure Renè would have something useful to say. So I go up to Renè and I confess my heart out to her, I tell her about my newfound feelings towards Liam and she laughs in my face. It seems like a pretty mean thing to do but at that moment I sort of understood why she was laughing, in my head I also started laughing at the idea, like why would I suddenly develop these feelings towards him, we haven't even been spending enough time with each other recently so what's the matter with me, she simply explained that the way I'm feeling is just a phase, a phase I'm going through because my best friend stopped spending time with me and is interested in another girl and I'm just sad because it seemed like I was loosing my best friend, it was so sad that I had to create fake feelings in my mind just so that I hold onto this friendship for longer. She made me believe that this was true, I mean I never had these feelings for him before when he wasn't with Viola, so it must be her, she's the one that has caused these unexplained feelings. Right then and there that issue was put to bed and Renè was silenced to secrecy about the whole catching feelings drama. My mind was completely shut to the silly idea but my body, that's another uncontrollable thing, my heart was this wild untameable beast that just refused to agree with my mind. Its like I started World War III between my mind and heart and this war was not going to end soon, the white flag was up for now but I knew that it wasn't going to stay up for long.

I was playful, and I started to become frivolous, I would try to tempt Liam, like I was some sort of temptress, this was so unlike me, I would push out my chest a little more when I saw him and I would write my name on the back of his shirt with my fingers during classes together, I would make any excuse to touch him somehow, I know it sounds crazy but this is what my body craved, it wanted to touch and to feel him and since it has been almost months since he hugged me I needed to feel him in some other way. I just became this uncontrollable person whenever I was around him. I knew I had gone too far when I did this.

On our way to one of the subjects that we had together, we had to walk along down a steep bank and around the back building in order to get to this class, so while we were walking there together I had been chewing on my favorite stick of gum, chewing away and making that annoying chomping sound until Liam asked me for a stick, I reached down to check for a piece but I had realized that I ate the last piece, so I told him that I didn't have any, he jokingly said he wants the piece that I have in my mouth, now in my head at this moment I'm contemplating this whole idea, should I give him this piece of gum the rightful way, with my fingers pulling it out of my mouth and handing it to him or should I give him this piece of gum the way I really want to give him this piece of gum. Decisions, decisions, that seems like the only thing I face nowadays, I don't know what it is about Liam but he just brings out my wild side, my courageously wild and daring side, so before my mind can stop my mouth this is what I do and say. I pop out the piece of gum and hold it slightly out of my mouth so that it sits just on my bottom lip and I tell him to come and get it, here I am thinking that he will take it as a joke like everything else and he would just push this idea out, but to my utter surprise he leans over, in this moment I stumble backwards and here I am with my back against the wall when he bites the piece of gum from my lips. At that moment my heart started to race and my mind could just not hold a decent thought, you know those butterflies, they began to flutter in the lower pits of my stomach, his bottom lip had slightly touched my lips and I think that was the greatest feeling that I had ever had, up to that day the greatest feeling that I ever had was the way the warm water from the shower felt sliding down my body and this topped that by a long shot, we didn't even kiss yet this felt one hundred times better then any kiss that I got from Kent or Aaron, this was pure passion, pure heat, I could just feel my lips aching for him to stay on them for longer, lusting for them to come back and for him to just stick his tongue in my mouth, deeper than that my body had that strange aching for him again, I wanted him to hold and touch me, I wanted to feel him, every part of him, all these thoughts racing through my mind and just like that I was snapped out of this day dreaming by the sound of Liams voice yelling out to Viola, all the butterflies died, the heat that I felt froze, the lust gone, all I felt now was disappointment, in him and myself. Viola was on her way to Liam to deliver one his books that she had been using and she had seen the whole thing, she had misinterpreted that whole bubblegum scene for a make out session in the back of the school blocks, in her mind this was what she feared most, her fear became the truth, in her mind Liam and I did not have a totally platonic relationship, she just started running, I honestly don't know where to, that's when I heard Liam call out her name and start chasing after her. What a mess. Why am I turning into this mess.