Mixed Emotions

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by lesyeuxdecf

by lesyeuxdecf

4/4/22 5:12am
It's already 5 am in the morning, I still can't sleep. Many things are running inside my head right now. And one of them is you. I don't know what to feel right now thinking you are hanging out with your ex. It's not that I don't want you to be friends with her again but you are flirting with her. I don't know if that's what you are doing coz it's obvious in the way you greeted her today. But okay do whatever you want as long as you're happy with it.
I was so happy last night that you reacted to my post, I wash the dishes smiling like an idiot. Then now this is what you make me feel? I have this acc that I always rant about you, that is what i'm doing to say what I really feel coz I can't share it with anyone. I really wanted so bad to let you know what you make me feel but I can't, I don't have the courage thinking I would be clearly rejected lol.

Btw let me tell you what you made me feel at (cheska's bday). I forgot to write it here last night coz I was tired and lazy to do so. Okay now going back, I will just describe one word that time-sad. That's what you made me feel. When we are preparing earlier for the party I was so excited to see you. Before the day of the bday, I was already mentally prepared for the interactions. But I didn't expect that you are not productive that night. The way you do things it's like you are stressed and drained lately. I can see in your eyes the tiredness and sadness at the same time. You know what when you arrived that night as I remembered you are walking towards us, there are butterflies in my stomach that I just mentally stop myself from smiling again. I already knew that's gonna happen but I feel like I was in a sudden amnesia for a moment HAHAHAHAHAHA. I hope you remembered how you complement me or I don't know if you just wanted to tease me that day. You don't know how I was controlling myself not to be affected but I failed to do so coz you know we barely talk to each other and when you're talking to me I swear you literally gave me butterflies.

Moving on, during the party, i'm sorry but I can't help myself not to look at you every minute. The way my eyes just finds its way to meet yours, and when that happens im in gæ panic. There was a time we have eye to eye contact, I really mentally slap my face for not avoiding that one like I stayed for like 5 min. I don't know if you already know what I feel towards you but I guess you already know, i'm just not sure. But still if you alr know, i'm thanking you coz you didn't ignore my presence. Okay going back when its already drinking time, you told us you won't drink and that's when I also decided not to do so lol. Its not that because you don't want to but that time I didn't really have the mood to drink as well. You slept while I am having a mental breakdown there because of nene HAHAHAHAHA. She knows why I was not productive as well and I know she knows its because of you. I'll just stop here I don't know what to say anymore.

I'm already going to sleep HAHAHAHAHA it's s already 6am. I hope you understand what I said earlier. I know this is not what should I feel but it feels right when it comes to you, well i'm just being true to myself. It really feels weird because i'm lowkey confessing to you everytime and we are in a same gender. I didn't imagine this before but I dont know what you did to me HAHAHAHAHAHA. I never had admitted my feelings for anyone but I admit it to someone who I could never have jusqq punyawa buligi nyoko HAHAHAHAHA. You are 2 years older than me and as I remembered what you said that night that you will never do the first move thingz. Dito palang talo nako HAHAHAHAHA. But dapat behavior muna tayo wag madaliin ang confession. I dont want to turn friendship to relationship real quick coz when the time comes I will really lose both. Mas better dulang ja, kikiligin tas at the same time masasaktan malala. Okay understood na sakon portanti buhi shutakels.