Our Song

Chapter Twenty-six

Chapter Twenty-six

Victim

Aryanne

I expected that Wesley would be angry at me for not letting him know about our child. But I did not really purposely did it. Noong nalaman kong buntis na pala ako sa anak namin ay hiwalay na kami ni Wesley at nakaalis na siya ng bansa. I became busy with Arthur, and when I had the chance I also tried to follow him in England. But I knew and I am well aware now of my own faults.

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kinatatayuan ni Wesley. Nakasunod naman sa akin ang anak ko. Bumaba ang tingin ni Wesley kay Riff at nagtagal ang mga mata niya sa pagmamasid sa anak namin na para bang kanina pa rin niya ito pinagmamasdan habang wala ako.

I was nervous but I knew even then that this day would come and the confrontation is inevitable. Alam kong ano pa man ang mangyari ay malaki pa rin ang chance na magkita at magkakilala rin si Wesley at si Riff. At hindi ko rin intensyon na itago ito habang buhay. I know that my son deserves to know his father. At ganoon din si Wesley na may karapatan sa anak namin.

"Wesley..." I called his name gently.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. I expected that there would be hatred in his eyes for me because he didn't know about Riff for so long now. And I prepared myself for it. But instead he looked calm despite I can't also completely read the emotions in his eyes. Mukhang maraming emosyon sa mga mata niya but he remained calm and composed as he faced me.

"Pumasok muna tayo sa loob ng bahay...?"

Wesley didn't say anything and he only nodded a bit.

Nauna na akong naglakad papasok sa bahay. Nakasunod din sa akin si Riff at sa likod namin ay si Wesley. "Do you know him, Mama? Who is he?" May mga tanong sa akin ang anak ko na hindi ko pa masagot agad.

"Upo ka muna..." Tinuro ko kay Wesley ang sofa doon sa sala. Tahimik lang naman siyang sumunod at umupo.

I went to the kitchen to get us some drinks and snack for Riff and to also make myself breathe for a while. Napasandal ako malapit sa may sink. Naiwan sa sala ang mag-ama. Mabilis lang din akong nag-prepare ng juice at pagkatapos ay bumalik na rin ako sa living room. Wesley was looking at our son and Riff was watching his father, too. They were quietly looking at each other.

Marahan kong nilapag ang inumin at sandwich doon para kay Riff. He turned to me. "Is he your friend, Mama?"

I looked at my son and tried to give him a small smile. My eyes trembled with the forming tears in them. I sat next to him in the long sofa. "Riff, anak..." Sumulyap ako kay Wesley and I saw his lips parted. Binalik ko ang atensyon ko sa anak namin. "Do you have an assignment? Gusto mo bang gawin muna 'yon while Mama talk with him...?"

Tumango naman si Riff at muli pang tiningnan si Wesley bago siya umalis na doon at umakyat muna sa kwarto niya. Tiningnan ko ang anak kong umaakyat sa hagdan hanggang sa nawala na siya sa paningin namin ni Wesley at pumasok na sa kwarto. Hinarap ko si Wesley at ilang sandali kaming nagkatinginan.

"You're here..."

"I was just about to check my mother's house..."

I nodded. "May plano ka ba sa bahay na ito? Pasensya ka na at dito ko naisipang tumira kasama ang anak... ko. Sa ating dalawa naman ito pinamana ni tita pero kung may binabalak ka nga rito sa bahay ninyo ng Mama mo ay willing naman kaming lumipat ni Riff."

"Aryanne." mariin niyang tawag sa akin.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Wesley and I was met with his bloodshot eyes because of unshed tears. My lips parted and my eyes remained looking at him.

"That boy..." tukoy niya kay Riff. "is my son." Suminghap siya na para bang nahihirapan siya ngayon.

Tears formed in my eyes, too. At mabilis ko nang pinunasan nang may isang mabilis na tumulo sa pisngi ko.

"How come... Why I didn't know...?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry, Wesley. Hiwalay na tayo at nasa England ka na noong nalaman kong buntis na pala ako sa anak natin..."

"I lied to you when I told you that I don't love you anymore... The truth was Arthur was sick back then and I was so guilty for all the things I did to him with you." Tumulo pang muli ang luha ko. Pinunasan ko rin ito. "I thought I can't leave him alone during those times when he's all I had when I was alone... Hindi ko kayang umalis at sumama sa 'yo at iwan siya dagdag pa ang guilt ko..."

"You should've told me..."

Nang tingnan ko si Wesley ay parang malayo ang tingin niya at malalim ang iniisip. I nodded my head. "You're right..." I agreed. "I should've... tried and talked to you about it but instead I chose to lie. And because of it nadamay pa ang anak natin..." My heart ached for my innocent son.

"I remember..." Wesley spoke. "Justin mentioned to me from Savannah that she thought she saw you when we were in London..."

Tumango muli ako. "Yes. I tried to follow you there. I was with Riff, our son was months old when I brought him to England with me..."

"Damn it." mariing napapikit si Wesley at nang buksan niya ang mga mata niya ay nakita ko na lalo ang mga luha doon.

Bumuhos na ang mga luha ko. I cried in front of Wesley while he silently cried, too. He shook his head. "I should've stayed. Dapat kahit sinabi mo pa ang lahat ng 'yon sa 'kin dapat nanatili pa rin ako at hindi bastang umalis!" He sounded like he hated himself for his past action.

I just continued crying as my heart was hurting inside my chest.

"And what did I do? Umalis ako. And I only focused with myself and my own pain. I did everything and tried to forget about you, Aryanne. I was badly hurt. I almost can't accept it. But instead of all those things, hindi ko man lang naisip ang possibility? Sana ay minsan naisip kong puntahan ka sa mga taong 'yon sa kabila ng mga nangyari. I was about to... sometimes. But did not do it!" he said in full of regret now.

I just cried at halos hindi na ako makapagsalita. Muli pang nagmura si Wesley para sa sarili niya at napahilamos siya sa mukha niya at buhok gamit ang mga palad niya out of frustration.

Umiling ako. It's not his fault alone. "It's not all your fault, Wesley. May mga pagkakamali rin ako. I had the chance then when I was in England at halos abot kamay na kita pero pinili ko pa rin na huwag tumuloy at bumalik dito just because I thought you were already with someone else..."

"I'm sorry, Aryanne."

That's what he said that I did not quite expect. Umiling ako. "I'm sorry, Wesley. I'm sorry." I cried and I sobbed.

May narinig kaming ingay at ang sumunod na nangyari ay nakita nalang namin si Riff na mabilis nang lumapit kay Wesley at pinagsusuntok ang ama niya! Nagulat ako sa ginawa ng anak ko at agad akong napatayo para lapitan at awatin siya sa ginagawa. "Riff! What are you doing?!" pigil ko sa kaniya.

Sinubukan din siyang awatin ni Wesley kahit sa una ay hinayaan lang niya ang anak namin na suntukin siya ng ilang beses sa braso, mukha at dibdib niya. "Bad ka! Bakit mo pinapaiyak ang Mama ko, ha?!" Riff continued to throw some punches with his small fists at his father. While Wesley only tried to hug his son.

Lalo akong naiyak sa nangyayari. "Riff, tama na, anak..."

My son turned to me and I saw his eyes shined because of the forming tears when he faced me and I was crying in tears. "Mama! Siya po ba talaga ang may-ari nitong bahay? Pinapaalis po ba niya tayo kaya ka umiiyak?" And then he started crying, too.

No matter how much he tried to be strong for me too he's still a child who's crying now because he saw his mother crying in front of him and there's a person in our home now that he just knew and thought is a bad person...

Kinuha ko siya kay Wesley at niyakap. "Shush, it's okay. It's okay..." I calmed him down.

Yumakap din siya sa akin. Wesley remained looking at us as he was silently in tears, too. Lalo pang bumuhos ang mga luha ko at sandali kong pinikit ang mga mata. This is the most painful result of every bad decisions that I did in the past. Sobrang sakit lalo at nadamay na ang anak ko. And there's no one to blame but our wrong choices in the past. Alam kong ganoon din ang naiisip ngayon ni Wesley. Our son became the victim of his parents' poor choices even before he was born.