Under the Stars

Chapter #16: I'm Not Ofuckingkay

AN: Hey y'all! Just here as a small warning, this chapter gets pretty intense, so please keep that in mind when reading.

The first few weeks of school fly by and before Tsukishima knows it, September has almost come to an end. School is in full swing and Saturday practices are set to begin the first weekend of October. To be honest, he's starting to feel the stress, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. However, the same thing could not be said for Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima could see the stress and pressure chipping away at him. His energy and mood keep falling lower and lower, his dark circles sinking deeper into his skin with every passing day. He's been missing practice more frequently, and even beginning to miss school. Tsukki can't help but worry about him. Watching him fall this low is frightening for him, he was so accustomed to what Tadashi used to be: Bright, bubbly, joyful, even if it wasn't always authentic. But now, when he can barely put on that facade...it's terrifying.

He keeps telling himself that this will pass, that Tadashi will get better, but it's slowly becoming less believable. His brother came over for his birthday a couple days ago, and Tsukishima took the chance to ask him for more advice, and was quick to respond.

'Sometimes it'll take time for him to recover from a really low low'

'Be patient, it'll eventually get better'

'He will get better'

Tsukishima doesn't know how much longer he can believe it.

Yamaguchi had also come over for Tsukishima's birthday. It was only natural, considering how long they've known each other. Kei has never been big on birthdays, but it did mean a lot for him to come over. Tsukishima's mother had gotten him the new Mario Party game for the Nintendo Wii, which they all played after dinner. Unsurprisingly, Akiteru kicked all their asses, he'd always been much better at video games than his younger brother.

Every time Akiteru comes over to visit, Tsukishima feels more and more comfortable around him. He no longer feels estranged from him, and he's gotten more comfortable around him again. Joking around, playing games, sometimes practicing volleyball together. He's making progress in his journey to become more open and emotionally vulnerable with his brother, and he feels proud of himself. After the realization that he was in love with Tadashi, he'd made it a goal to become more open with his family.

He still hasn't addressed his feelings with him either. His attempt to ignore them until they went away has backfired, only falling more in love with him each passing day. He knows that even if he does confess to him, it'll only end up with him getting hurt, and potentially ruin their whole friendship. He's almost certain that Tadashi doesn't like boys because knowing him, he would've told him by now.

It's a Saturday evening, the sun is only peeking out from the horizon. The sky is cloudy and the air is cold, with a bitter wind to add insult to injury. Tsukishima is just about to finish studying for the night when he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He takes it out and flips it open to read the contact.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

He hits the 'answer' button, "Hey."

"Tsukki," Tadashi says in a feeble, strained voice, "Are y-you busy ri-ght now?" Tsukishima can hear him sobbing on the line. Instantaneously, he feels fear course through his body, "Oh my god are you okay? What's wrong?"

His speech is periodically interrupted by hiccups and heavy sobs, "I-I need he-help."

Tsukishima is filled with even more panic, "With what? What's going on?" he starts to sound demanding.

"I ca-can't st-st-op crying. Can y-ou come ov-over?" his voice gets progressively more unsteady as he chokes out his words.

"Yes, yes just give me 20 minutes and I'll be right over, okay? It's going to be okay, just give me some time," he grabs a jacket from his closet and throws it on while holding the phone between his shoulder and ear.