Under the Stars

Chapter #18: Dearly Beloved, Are You Listening?

Tsukishima paces around his room, wrestling with himself over what he's about to do. The words, 'it wouldn't surprise me if he was gay, either,' play on repeat in his head, convincing him to confess to Tadashi. His feelings have only continued to grow, and he's not sure how much longer he can keep them inside. After Yamaguchi's breakdown, he's been steadily getting better. His smiles are more genuine, he's more energetic, and seeing him like this after so much time makes Kei ridiculously happy.

It's also such a relief. He's been watching his friend fall lower and lower without being able to save him, and just when Tsukishima thought he wouldn't come back up, he did. He knows that this isn't the end of his struggles, not even close, but it's a much needed breather. It's likely that he'll fall that low again, but now that he's beat it once, Tsukki knows that he can fight it again.

We could be happy together, he thinks all too frequently. He continues to pace around his room, phone flipped open in his hand. Part of him wants to, but his fear keeps him silent.

How likely is it that he will feel the same way?

If he doesn't like me back, will it ruin our friendship?

How will I get over that rejection?

Before he can truly answer these questions, he selects Yamaguchi's contact and calls him. His anxiety rises with each ring, and part of him hopes that he doesn't answer. But knowing Yamaguchi, he would just call back, and to no avail, he answers.

"Hey Tsukki, what's up?"

His voice makes Tsukishima's stomach do somersaults, "Uh, are you busy right now?" he asks hesitantly.

"Uh, not really, no. Why do you ask?" he asks.

"Can you meet me at the sledding hill in around 20 minutes?" Tsukishima's referring to a large hill that was located about halfway between their houses. When the two of them were younger, they'd frequently go sledding if it wasn't too cold and there was enough snow on the ground. They haven't gone sledding on that hill in years, but it's still a meaningful place for the two of them, "I'll explain when you get there," he adds.

Yamaguchi is supremely confused, but he agrees nonetheless, "Uh, sure, see you then."

Tsukishima hangs up without saying goodbye, and smacks his forehead with the palm of his hand, chastising himself for his idiotic spontanuity.

No turning back now.

He looks at himself in the mirror. Tsukishima has never been one to fuss over his appearance, but he feels strangely self-conscious and overly aware. He's wearing light blue skinny jeans, with a red flannel sweater over top of a white tee. Deciding that it's good enough, he swallows his pride, grabs a jacket and heads out. His mom is still at work, and probably won't be home until he returns as well.

His heart pounds as he walks, it's so intense he's afraid it'll burst in his chest. The sky glows a pale orange with about an hour of daylight left. A slight breeze rustles the few leaves that refuse to fall, making him shiver. With the weather shifting so quickly, this could be the last decent day of the year. He zips up his jacket and stuffs his hands into his pockets to keep them warm.

He tries to enjoy the walk as much as he can, but it proves to be quite difficult with his anxiety running rampant at the thought of confessing to his best friend. He has absolutely no clue of what he's going to say; he tried to write out a rough outline of what he wanted to voice, but with each attempt he ended up cringing at his own writing and throwing it in the trash.

Soon, Tsukishima arrives at his destination. The hill overlooks a valley that is filled with trees. Normally, the view would be quite scenic, with lush green grass and a bright sky, but with the seasons changing, it appears dull. Kei waits there for a moment, occasionally glancing in the direction that Yamaguchi would approach from. Every time he looks over and sees nobody, his heart squeezes in nervousness, wondering how much longer it'll be. It isn't until the tenth glance or so that he actually sees Tadashi approaching him.

He's wearing light blue jeans as well, and a black hoodie. The way the sky backs him creates a faint orange glow around him, almost like the sun itself, and Tsukishima feels himself fall for him even more.

Tadashi stops a few feet from Tsukki, "Hey."

He forces himself to make eye contact, "Hey."

Yamaguchi cocks his head, "So, what's this about?" he asks.

Tsukishima scratches the back of his neck, "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Almost instantaneously, he watches anxiety flood through Tadashi, "Wait, is something wrong?"

"No no, nothing like that." Absolutely no turning back now.

"So, we've been friends for a long time, right?" Tadashi nods in response, "And I think it's safe to say that we've gotten a lot closer in these last few months, right?" another nod.

With the amount of anxiety coursing through Tsukishima's body, just the action of speaking leaves him feeling breathless. Tadashi watches him, eagerly awaiting what his friend has to say to him.

"Well, over the last few months I've realized something, and I've tried to ignore it and it's become so overwhelming, and I think it's time that I tell you.

"I...I like you, Tadashi."

The other boy's eyes widen in surprise and he raises a hand up to his mouth. Tsukishima's mouth betrays his mind as he elaborates on his feelings.

"I've liked you for a long time and I guess I never realized it until recently. You're so goddamn special to me, and the thought of losing you...it kills me.

"Everything about you, your smile, your laugh, your personality. Everything that makes you you, I love," Tsukishima can see a blush creep up Tadashi's cheeks.

"The way that you're authentic, the way that you're so honest, the way that you never give up even when you want to, the way that you smile despite any circumstance." Kei cuts himself off before he has the chance to say anything too embarrassing

He looks away, flustered, immediately regretting his confession. Fighting the urge to run away, he stands there awkwardly, awaiting a response.

After what seems like forever, Tadashi takes his hand away from his mouth, "I didn't think this would ever happen..." he says softly.

Tsukishima's gaze snaps in his direction, "Wait, what?"

Suddenly, he closes the space between them and hugs Tsukishima. Arms wrapped tightly around him, he mumbles something into his shoulder, "What?" Tsukki asks.

"I like you too," Yamaguchi repeats.

Tsukishima nearly gasps, and he slowly returns the hug. He holds Tadashi's head to his shoulder, and lets go of the breath he didn't know he was holding. Excitement and relief washes over him. He likes me back, he thinks. He likes me back he likes me back he likes me back.

He knows his excitement is juvenile, but Tsukishima couldn't care less. Because right now, the moment is perfect. He almost feels high on euphoria as his adrenaline finally starts to come down.

"Why didn't you tell me that you liked boys?" he asks quietly.

Tadashi pulls his head away from Tsukki's shoulder to look at him properly, "I could ask you the same thing."

He shrugs, "I don't know, I didn't think it was that important, I guess."

"Me neither," Yamaguchi responds.

For a while, the two stand there, hugging each other and keeping each other warm as the cold autumn wind blows around them, until Yamaguchi speaks up again.

"What does this mean for us now?" he asks.

Tsukishima's mind goes blank, "I...I don't know, I never considered the possibility that you'd like me back so I didn't plan very far ahead."

This makes Yamaguchi laugh, which in turn makes Tsukki smile, "I guess it's not that important for now," he feels Tadashi shake his head against his shoulder.

"We should get home, it's getting late and I'm cold," he says.

Tsukishima nods, "Yeah, okay."

The two separate from their hug and blush as they make eye contact. To Kei's surprise, Tadashi extends his hand, and he takes hold of it. They walk together for only a moment, and Tsukishima feels like the happiest man alive.