Under the Stars

Chapter #11: It's Almost Over, It's Just Begun

The next Monday, volleyball practice starts back up again. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi have been texting each other more regularly since their conversation on Friday. They've gone through the first step of Tadashi's healing together, and Tsukishima couldn't be more relieved.

He gets to the Karasuno gym at 8:45 and despite the fact that practice starts at 9:00, most of the team is already warming up and hitting serves across the net. Tsukishima changes into his volleyball shoes, and then drops his bag in the corner of the gym. He surveys the room; Sugawara, Tanaka, Asahi and Enoshita are on the side closer to him, while Kinoshita, Daichi and Tadashi are on the other side.

Just as he is about to toss the ball in the air, Tadashi locks eyes with Tsukishima and waves with his right hand as he holds the ball in the palm of his left. He's wearing a long sleeved black shirt underneath his normal white gym shirt. He throws the ball into the air, takes a few running steps and hits it. It wobbles over the net, landing in the corner of the court closest to Tsukishima.

He picks up the ball and leisurely makes his way over to Yamaguchi, "I guess that serving practice at the summer camp served you well," he says with a hint of pride.

"I guess, but it could've been better," he takes the ball from Tsukishima's hands and takes a few steps behind the white court line to serve again.

"Even so, it was really good," he tries to convince him.

"I guess."
   
Kei feels a slight feeling of defeat as Yamaguchi undermines his ability. His brother gave him some more advice on how to help Tadashi, and told him that people who have depression have low self-esteem. They doubt their abilities to an unhealthy degree, and that he shouldn't get angry with Yamaguchi if he puts himself down, and instead give him small words of encouragement.
   
All of this feels so foreign to Tsukishima. While it is true that he would be there to support his best friend if he was in need, it would only be for a short amount of time when he was exhausted and burned out. He was the type to provide physical comfort, giving him a shoulder to cry on and other things of that sort. Thinking this over for a minute, he realizes that he's never asked why Tadashi was crying, or asked him if he wanted to talk, and a million questions pop into his head.

How many times was he crying because he was burned out?

How many times was he crying because he was depressed?
   
How many times was he crying because he felt hopeless? Or worthless?

He tries desperately to banish those thoughts but to no avail, his brain refuses to quit pestering him. As he warms up and practices his serves, his head keeps up the swarm of distracting thoughts and the majority of his serves go sailing right into the net. Tadashi takes notice when he starts to smack his forehead with the palm of his hand in frustration.

"Are you doing okay?" he asks, taking a few steps closer to Tsukishima.

"Yep, doing fine," he answers in a clipped tone as he takes his hand away from his face.

"Are you sure? You keep missing your-"

"I said I'm fine, alright?" he snaps, and Tadashi flinches away, going back to practice his serves.

He sighs as he wipes his face with both hands, pushing his glasses above his eyes momentarily. Why is this so hard?

Just as he bends down to pick up another ball, Hinata arrives and comes over to greet his fellow first years.

"Good morning!" he says exuberantly.

"Morning," Tsukishima and Tadashi respond simultaneously.

"Are you feeling cold or something, Yamaguchi?" alluding to the long sleeved shirt that he is wearing. Both Tsukishima and Tadashi tense up. Of course he'd ask.