Under the Stars

Chapter #17: In Another Life

In the days following Tadashi's breakdown, Tsukishima can't shake the feeling of anxiety he's had since he called him that evening. The words 'I want to die' haunt him, and he keeps wondering if Tadashi was actually trying to kill himself that night. In all likeliness, he probably wasn't, but the fear still lingers in Tsukki's mind.

He's upstairs in his room when he hears a knock at the door, followed by a familiar voice a moment later. Tsukishima peeks his head outside his room to see Akiteru at the front entrance, talking to their mom. Before he can disappear inside his room again, his brother spots him, "Hey Kei! I've got something for you!" he says as he waves a bag over his head.

Tsukishima sighs quietly and walks down the hallway to collect whatever his brother brought him. Even though he had grown closer to him in the past couple of months, he didn't feel like interacting with anyone at the moment. Akiteru hands the bag over to him, and to his delight, he pulls out a set of brand new over-the-ear headphones.

"I didn't get you anything for your birthday, and I thought you would like them," Akiteru says.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Tsukishima responds, still stunned by the gift.

"Yeah, but that's not going to stop me from getting you something," he chuckles under his breath.

He looks back at his older brother, "Thank you."

Akiteru smiles, "No problem."

Tsukishima goes back to his room to unbox the new headphones. They are a sleek black with ample cushioning at the top, bass boosting and noise cancelling options. He uncoils the cord and plugs it into his iPod shuffle. The sound is perfectly clean and clear, creating his own little world where only he and his music exist. Right as he sits down on his bed and takes out his phone to text Yamaguchi about the gift, his door opens, and there stands Akiteru.

Tsukishima pulls his headphones off his ears and lets them hang around his neck, "Hey."

"Hey, how are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm alright," Tsukishima answers indifferently.

"How's Tadashi doing?"

He sighs, "Not well."

He watches as Akiteru's face morphs into an expression of discouragement, "I'm sorry about that."

"It's fine."

Akiteru sits down in his brother's desk chair, "How do you like those headphones?" he asks.

"They're actually pretty good, thank you."

"You're welcome," he smiles.

Tsukishima shifts uncomfortably, unsure of what to say. It's usually Akiteru who starts their conversations. Thankfully, the silence doesn't last long.

"How's second semester?"

"It's alright."

Akiteru must be able to sense his discomfort, because he asks how Kei's doing for a second time, who replies with the same answer, but he isn't satisfied.

"I can tell something's wrong, dude."

Tsukishima takes a deep breath in and out, "It's just about Tadashi."

Akiteru leans forward in the chair, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"He told me he wants to die," he says flatly.

Akiteru recoils back, "What?"

Tsukishima continues, "He was crying, I think it was an 'in the moment' type of statement, but it still worries me."

"I can understand why, it's a pretty serious thing to think about. Don't make it your own problem, but it won't hurt to check up on him."

"Yeah...but...that's not all," he says unsteadily, debating whether or not he should admit this to his brother.

"Oh? What else happened?" Akiteru asks.

"It's less something that happened and more..." he pauses, trying to find a way to phrase his thoughts, "I don't know...fuck this is embarassing."

Akiteru raises an eyebrow, and gestures for his brother to continue.

"IthinkI'minlovewithTadashi," he says as fast as possible.

Akiteru's eyes widen, "Woah woah hold on, what?"

Kei hangs his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, hating himself for admitting his crush out loud, "I think I'm in love with Tadashi."

For a moment, Akiteru sits there, wearing a puzzled expression, before he bursts out laughing. Kei flinches at the strong reaction.

Akiteru pauses his laughter for a moment, "I mean, I always knew you were gay, but falling for Tadashi? I never expected that."

Despite the situation's tensity, Kei laughs along with his brother for a moment before responding, "I didn't either," and he smiles.

"Was it the freckles?" Akiteru asks jokingly, and Tsukishima wheezes.

"You know, maybe," he answers, and Akiteru nearly cackles.

Once their laughter dies down, the two go silent and for once, Tsukishima doesn't feel uncomfortable. The situation just feels so right. Like he and Akiteru never lost their bond, like those years of estrangement haven't changed their relationship one bit. He feels like he gained his brother back, just for a moment.

"Well," Akiteru says, "I wish I could help you with that, but I am unfortunately just as single as you are."

Tsukishima makes a 'pfft' noise, "Like I'd ask you for advice anyway."

Akiteru lets out an exaggerated gasp, "I am wounded!"he yells as he comically falls to the ground, which only makes his brother laugh harder.

Eventually, the two come to their senses, Akiteru gets up from the floor and sits down next to Kei on his bed, "Seriously, I wish I could help you with this. I can't tell you what to do, but I don't recommend starting a relationship in high school, especially with somebody who's struggling, but who knows! Maybe this could turn him around," he suggests.

Tsukishima scoffs, "Yeah, like he'd be interested in me."

His brother raises an eyebrow, "Are you sure? I don't think it's that much of a stretch." Kei raises an eyebrow back, and he continues, "You've known each other for what, 6 or 7 years now? And just between you and me, it wouldn't surprise me if he was gay, either."

This makes Kei smile, making him feel like he has at least some chance with Tadashi. Akiteru pats his shoulder, "Hey, I've got to head home, but keep me updated on the Tadashi situation, alright?"

He nods, "I will."

His brother stands up and exits Kei's room, lingering in the doorway for just a moment, "See ya."

"Yeah, see you later."

"Oh! And one last thing," he runs back into the room, "Whether or not you're his boyfriend, remember this.

"You are not responsible for his happiness."

He leaves without another word, leaving Tsukishima with something to think about. Of course I'm not responsible for his happiness, he thinks.

For a moment, Kei sits there on the edge of his bed, thinking about their conversation. Even though he regretted it at first, he feels proud of himself for confiding in his brother, something he hasn't done in a long time. He puts his headphones back on and hits play on his iPod shuffle, closes his eyes and floats into his own little world of music.