Hard to love| Hanma Shuji x reader

18

           🦋chapter 18:end of one chapter🦋

Hanma tried so many times to talk to y/n, but she refused to listen to him. Chifuyu tried to talk her out of this, but she stopped contact with him too. This was her last year and school and the entrance exams were close. She wanted to go to good college somewhere outside the country and forget about everyone here. More importantly, to forget about Hanma.
He know how important is this exam to her, so when the date was coming closer he purposely stopped trying to talk to her and let her study to make her dream come true. They became distant, till they completely avoided each other even in the hallways. Hanma felt his heart breaking in half every time he saw her cross paths with him.

The day of the entrance exam came and y/n felt nervous as hell. Emma and Baji were right by her side to support her. The first exam was on Japanese, the second was on English and the third was on Math. Y/n didn't worry that she will fail or anything like that, no. She was worried, that she has to compete with a lot smarter students around Japan for a spot in Harvard university. That was her dream, to go to Harvard and become the best lawyer you can ever imagine. Y/n looked one last time at her friends before walking inside the classroom.

"You are going to kill them", Emma patted her head and smiled at her, "we know you can do it, bestie", she and Baji smiled at y/n.

"Thank you, guys, for always supporting me", y/n said and hugged her friends one last time before walking inside and take her seat.

Hanma was watching her from the corner of the hallway with a smile. Mentally he sent her a lot of luck. I know you can do it, he thought to himself and walked away. Isn't it funny how only a couple of days before he couldn't wait this day to come, so he can wish her the best and now..he wishes..to be far away from her.
How can you go from wanting to be right next to someone and support him to trying your best to stay away to not mess up their life.

In case you're wondering, y/n successfully took her exams with the highest score possible and of course she was accepted into Harvard. She was so happy, when she found out, she had to share it with everyone. She called her parents first, who were in Dubai right at that time, then she called Emma and the two girls screamed out if joy. Y/n opened her phone to call Baji next, but her eyes stopped, when she saw Hanma's name on the screen. She wanted to call him so bad, to tell him that she made it and she was finally in, but she couldn't. Some months ago they both made plans how are they going to keep a long distance relationship and now they don't even have a relationship. It was more than painful for her.
After that the final week of school came and then graduation. Y/n got a reward for being the best student in Toman High. Then the whole class made photos, they said their goodbyes to each other and wished luck to each other. Y/n and Emma were taking pictures with the boys, before something got y/n's attention. Hanma was walking away from the scene keeping his head down. He looked sad, his hair was covering his eyes and his black jacket was falling down from his shoulders. Y/n decided that she has to do it for herself, not for him, but still..she felt bad. She gave Emma her diploma and started running after Hanma tripping over her heels.

"Hanma!", she shouted after him. He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around. His face some how lit up and his pale skin was now glowing. He was falling apart without her.

"Hanma", y/n stopped in front of him, took her breath and looked right in his eyes, then she clinched his fists tight, "I want you to know that I forgive you. Not for you, but for me. I will never forget what you did, but still. You are my first love and I can't continue to pretend like you don't exist. So..forgive me too".

Hanma was a little bit shocked by her little announcement, but he still forced a smile on his face. "Sure, I forgive you", he said and put his hand on her head messing her hair up a little bit, "i heard you got accepted in Harvard, congrats. I'm proud of you", he smiled at her.

"What are you going to do now?", she asked him and fixed her hair.

"I don't have a plan, but don't worry about me, I'll figure something out".

Y/n smiled genuinely at his comment. It was typical Hanma, the same Hanma she fell in love with some months ago.
A silence filled the air and awkwardness was falling down on their heads. How is it possible to feel so awkward around a person you loved so much? How is it possible to have so much feelings for someone, but can't express them in anyway.

"So...I guess this is a goodbye", y/n scratched her head in awkwardness and chuckled a little.

"Yeah, I guess this is goodbye", Hanma looked down trying not to show how shitty he feels. He wanted to tell her how much he loves her one more time before leaving her to  fulfill her dreams.

I love you, they both thought at the same time before finally walking away from each other. The end of their high school life was just the beginning of their lives. Hanma's chest felt tighter than ever and y/n's heart was breaking in half. Only if I could turn back time, they both connected their souls, so they can continue this journey. One chapter is closing to open another one.

A/n-I'm a really bad person for ending the first part of the book like that. To be honest I don't know, if I like Hanma as a character in this book, did I made him too soft? Idk. 😅