Missed Chances || Dreamnotfound

21

The day after the coronation passes by achingly slow for George. Everyone still celebrates their newly crowned king with fervor.

Part of George wants to celebrate, to rejoice for Dream's accomplishment. It would make him a better person, a friend, if he can even call himself that. But George can't bring himself to celebrate. His heart is weighed down, as if anchored.

His limbs feel tied down by his feelings. He knows he should stop. He's supposed to be happy. He isn't supposed to love Dream. Yes, George admits it: he still loves Dream. He can't let go of someone who's meant so much to him.

Time isn't even an excuse. George has had months to stop loving Dream. Months spent at his home to confront his feelings. Yet, he pushed them away and only now confesses everything to himself. It's almost unbearable.

His bones feel exhausted, heavy with the realization that he's rejected for so long. So, he stays in bed all day, wishing his thoughts of Dream would leave him alone.

Is that too much to ask? To be unbothered by Dream's words, spoken with such assurity that makes George weak? To no longer be plagued by his charming smile? His soft eyes? His gentle touch?

George wants it all to go away. He wants to sleep, but even his dreams are haunted by Dream.

His soul calls for him. His heart longs for him. To be happy with the one person who loves him so fully that he still cares even after George's brutal words. He fears he'll never feel whole again.

"I love you," George whispers, knowing very well that the words will never reach the person that longs to hear them.

Tears fall down his face as George lays on his bed, wishing that he could escape the feelings. He doesn't want to love Dream. Loving Dream only brings him sorrow and heartache. He wants to forget Dream. To forget every memory, every scar, every miniscule moment that they call theirs.

He wants to forget his entire life.

George has never been the type to give into such weak emotions. He's never fallen in love. Sure, there's been a few people who he's held interest in back at boarding school, but even those were to spite Dream.

Love makes him weak, and George hates being weak.

His hands shake as he curls them in his blankets. The day passes and no one seeks him out; George is left alone. So, his tears eventually stop, but his heart doesn't stop aching.

Just before sunset, a knock raps at his door. George doesn't want to answer, but he does anyway. "Come in."

Karl enters, hair disheveled. His eyes are red with tears, hands trembling as he holds an opened letter. George sits up immediately. Fear is the first emotion that strikes his heart.

Karl struggles to speak, choking on his words. His eyes flood with tears as he whispers, "George, your mother... she's―"

George is frozen for a long moment, disbelief stilling his core. His face crumples, shoulders slumping as his head falls into his hands. "No," he croaks out, voice cracking.

Karl approaches him, sitting next to George with a shaky breath. "She passed last week. I just got the news."

George didn't think it was possible for his heart to hurt so deeply. It's like no pain he's ever felt, hurting him more than any stab wound. He doesn't know how to handle it.

So, he stands, not looking at Karl as orange rays of the sun cascade down onto his face, dipping below the horizon. He leaves his room in silence. Numbness seems to settle over him as he walks the halls of the castle.