Finally Found Her (Completed)

Chapter 19: Separation // Ryder

A little late, I'm so sorry!! You guys are seriously amazing for checking in and staying up to wait for the chapter. You deserve an amazing response from me and from now on if I saw I'm updating, I'll update. You guys deserve it. Thank you!!
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Ryder's POV

My eyes opened from my very little hours of sleep to be greeted by the sun coming through my window. I looked at the empty spot in my bed next to me remembering the time, just a few days ago, when my mate laid next to me. I remember being the happiest I had ever been in the morning. With her soft skin touching mine, the sunlight on her face, her soft brown eyes looking up at mine. God I wanted to run my fingers along her whole body. I remember saying to myself how that's how I want to wake up every morning...now I don't know if a morning like that will come again. The separation is driving me crazy. My wolf is sad, I'm sad. The children know something is wrong with their Luna. The pack is scared they won't have a Luna.

I don't know what reaction I was expecting from Jas. I didn't expect her to immediately jump on board with me being a whole other species as well as human. It makes sense that I should have prepared myself for something like this...but you can't. You can try to prepare yourself to lose someone all you want but until it really happens, until you feel the pain emotionally and physically, you realize that "preparing yourself" did nothing because it hurts more. I know Jas didn't reject me and I cannot be more grateful for that. I just can't stop thinking that there's a possibility she realizes she doesn't want to be with me. Hell I wouldn't blame her. She knows nothing about our world and being a part of it isn't going to be easy. I explained so much to her, throwing it at her all at once. I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her that everything's going to be ok because I'll help her understand what she needs to know.

I hate that she had to find out like that. Seeing me shift and kill another wolf. I had to though. If I didn't kill him, he would have killed me than do whatever he desired to Jas. My wolf began to surface due to the thought of someone doing something threatening to my mate. I remember the look of shock and horror on her face after I killed him. She couldn't even move, Lauren had to pull her inside. I kissed her only twice last night. One was to say hello, and the other felt like it was goodbye.

My biggest regret is not telling her sooner. Telling her in a way that might not scare her to death. She probably thinks everything she's been through will us is a lie...everything I've said to her is a lie. I hate myself for giving her the idea that I don't love her. I love her more than anything. I'd love her even if the mating bond didn't exist. You can't not love something like Jas. She has so many amazing qualities. I lucked out getting the opportunity to have her in my life. She's right though, you don't keep secrets like that from people you love.

I can't stop thinking about the pain I felt when she took a step away from me. The sadness I felt when she didn't want my hand in hers. I know the pain I'm feeling now doesn't even come close to the pain I'll feel if I get rejected. To never have Jasmine in my life again. What would happen to me, more importantly, what would happen to Jasmine? The mating bond has gotten stronger so even though she's human, she'll feel the pain. I don't want her feeling pain.

A human being involved in werewolf stuff isn't safe. She'll seem vulnerable to enemies and they'll target her. Maybe this is for the best. Maybe it'll keep her safe. Damn I keep telling myself that to make this easier but it's not working. Besides, I'm the one who can keep her safe. I'd do anything in my power to make sure she's living and happy. When she's happy, I'm happy. I love that I can see her smile grow. The cute little crinkles next to her eyes when she's laughing. When she laughs so hard no sound comes from her lips. There's so much I love about her, I can't lose her.

I finally found her and now there's a chance I've lost her.
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Thanks for reading xoxo