P A R I S A
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After my meltdown, I decide to go into the living room where Hazel is.
Creeping behind the couch I yell "rawr!" While reaching over and tickling her. Her giggles form a smile on my face.
Picking her up I ask, "what do you want to do?"
"Eat!" She responds.
Putting her down she runs over to the kitchen and I walk behind her.
My heart is heavy, but the little joy she's giving me right now is taking my mind off of it. When we arrive in the kitchen she picks out a bunch of random food items, "cereal and pickles do not go together missy," I laugh looking at the items.
She climbs off of the counter and I put the pickles back. Grabbing two bowls I start making us the cereal of her choice.
"Jellybean tells me what goes first the cereal or the milk," I ask as she holds onto my leg.
"Cereal!" Smiling at her response I walk over to the table with her clinging onto my leg and sits the bowls down.
She gets up laughing and sits in her chair as I sit across from her, "thank you P!"
"You're welcome, baby." I tried to ignore the bruises on her legs and arms, but it's not something I'm willing to put aside, "Jellybean?"
"Yes P," she asks with a mouth full of cereal. After she swallows I ask her the question, "who put those marks on you?"
She looks at me sadly and then looks down at her cereal with a sorrowful face, "Loren." I'm not shocked at her answer I'm just shocked she calls her mom Loren.
"Why don't you call Loren your mom sweetie," I know she doesn't deserve the title 'mom' but Hazel is so young I wouldn't expect her to think that way.
She looks at me with tears in her eyes, the eyes that make her dad's, "she said I'm not allowed to call her mommy because I am a bitch that messes her life up." Getting up from my chair I walk over to her bending down.
My mother used to tell me the same thing and that hunts me every time I see her and my sister having a good time.
Wiping her tears from her cheek tears start coming down mine, "my love you are nothing short of amazing. You aren't that potty word and she might think you messed up her life but you've made mine better than I could ever imagine. I love you like you're my own."
Pulling her into a hug she asks, "can I call you mommy?"
As much as I want to say yes I don't know how her dad would feel about that.
After seeing him making out with another girl I don't want any kind of relationship with him.
Sighing I kiss the side of her head before responding, "I don't know if your dad would be okay with that."
She lifts her head and nods as I move her hair out of her face.
"I would love for her to call you mom," looking over I see Dean standing at the other end of the table.
Standing up I want nothing more than to kiss him, but he was kissing another. What would have happened if I didn't walk in?
He walks up to me and I back up, "No Dean. I love Hazel and I would love to be her mother, but I want nothing to do with you. After everything is done with my dad I'll get a new apartment and visit Hazel when you have her."
Leaning down I kiss the top of Hazel's head before walking off.
Going into the room Dean and I sleep in I walk out of the balcony and sit on the outside couch.
It feels so good out here and I have a lot of thinking to do while the sun goes down.
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Before I know it, it's late at night.
I lost track of time through thinking and crying my eyes out. I walk back into the penthouse.
I see Dean sleeping in the bed, but I walk past the bed going straight into the bathroom.
I lock the door and strip out of my clothes. Getting in the shower I turn the shower on the hottest it can go.
The boiling water makes my skin feel good. My tears start to come again, but they're silent this time. After my long shower, I get out dry myself, and put clothes on.
While looking In the mirror my eyes are red and a little swollen. When I killed my husband I didn't cry this bad. I put my hair into a bun and do my hygienic routine.
Walking out of the bathroom I look over at Dean's sleeping frame, leaving the room I go to Hazel's.
Walking over to her bed I lightly shake her, "what's wrong," she asks lightly rubbing her eyes.
"Can I sleep with you," she nods her head and moves her. Laying next to her she put the blanket over me and kisses my cheek, "night mommy."
"Goodnight daughter," kissing her forehead I stare at a corner of her room.
Her room was my dream room as a kid. I would've killed for a king-size bed at her age. Even though my dad is rich he never let me get this big of a bed because it was too much space.
I close my eyes trying to go to sleep.
I feel a kiss land on my cheek before feeling someone cuddle behind me. I know it's Dean because I smell him, but what confirmed it's him is his tatted arm going across my hip and Hazel's.
He turns off Hazel's nightlight and presses closer against me, "Dada turn back on the light right now," Hazel yells in her sleepy voice.
Dean and I let's go a silent giggle and he turns it back on. I feel him leaving a soft kiss on my neck before he whispers in my ear, "I love you so fucking much and I'll do everything in my power to make you mine."
I go to sleep with that sentence on my mind.
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