promises between us

A war with hatred

𝓢𝓾𝓰𝓪 𝓟𝓞𝓥

Light shone through my eyes. I didn't know what had happened. I rubbed my eyes and got up from the bed and sat down. I saw someone in a chair next to the bed. My mind was going through all the memories, and when it was fully loaded, I was a little embarrassed.
Something happened last night that shouldn't have happened. I didn't know what I wanted.

I didn't know if I wanted to be with Daichi or not.

I like him or not.

Do I like him or not?

It was a question for me.

I couldn't decide.

I know I love him, but when I look closely, I see that Daichi thought I was a complete dead person.

He was looking for his own interests, he didn't think about me and I will return one day or not?

I wanted to be together like in my high school days.
Now Daichi was asleep by my bed. No blankets or pillows. He was sitting asleep.

I put the blanket on Daichi, but Daichi woke up and I was surprised.

"O-Oh! Did you wake up?! I'm sorry if I bothered you." Daichi said.

No it is not!

I want to say this sentence but I can't say it.
I don't like you to say these things in front of me.

"No ..." I said quietly.

"What?" Daichi, didn't hear my voice.

"You can be comfortable ... I'm sorry if you couldn't sleep comfortably because of me ..." I said embarrassed.

Every time one of us wants to speak, he uses forgiveness in his sentences.
It was very difficult to speak in these circumstances. I couldn't look straight into Daichi's eyes and talk.

I felt guilty every time I wanted to speak.

"Let's have breakfast in the kitchen together." I said.

There was a great silence between us as we ate breakfast.

"Do you think we can be like before again?" Daichi said, and I said without hesitation, "No. Definitely not."

" Why?..." Daichi said and the fight between us started again.

"Why do you think so? Do you think I no longer want to be like those times?!" I said.

"Well why can't we?! We can start over!" Daichi said.

I didn't want to participate in this discussion from the beginning ....

"How can we start from the beginning when ... when you got married and I ..." I didn't know what to say.

"I say start from the beginning. Like then, we forget everything and don't pay attention to what others say." Daichi said and grabbed my shoulders.

"..."

"Let's do it!" Daichi said and I was at war with the hatred I had in my throat.
I was afraid to remember every moment, but I didn't want that to happen.

"How can I forget when you got married and put such a stain on my heart when I can no longer clean it?" I said with a heavy hatred in my throat.

"Sorry ..." Daichi said and hugged me.

"It can't be fixed ..." I said.

"What can I do?!" Daichi said.

"YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY THAT WORD!" I said.

The space between us was silent for a while. We heard nothing but the ticking of the clock.

"Look-" I wanted to say, but Daichi said, "I can't replace you! I know it may sound ridiculous, but I love you so much. Why don't you want to accept this?"

Because it was unbelievable to me.

"I have a question for you," Daichi said.

"Do you love me or not?" Daichi said.

"...y-yes..." I said quietly.

He took my hand and led me to the room.

"W-What are you doing?!" I said but Daichi didn't answer.

"D-DAICHI !?" I said and Daichi pushed me on the bed.

"Daichi .. what are you doing?" I said again and Daichi came over me and put his hands on my head.
He put his face close to my ears and said, "If you don't love me, you can stop me."

My heart was pounding and I couldn't calm down. My breathing was faster. My heart was going crazy!

He took my clothes from below and took them off my body and tied my hands with my clothes.

"DAICHI!" I said in a trembling voice.

Daichi, who was kissing my belly, said "yes"

And continued to work.

I was afraid. No, it wasn't fear. I was excited. Daichi could quite feel my fast, deep breaths.

My whole body felt melted.
Daichi started unzipping my pants.
I grabbed my dress with my hand. I wanted to cry and cry but for no reason.

I thought there for a while. "Why didn't I push Daichi ?!"
.
.

"You saved me... Why?" I said
"What? Suga! Are you crying?" Daichi said
.
.

I remembered these memories for a moment and it brought tears to my eyes.

Daichi noticed my crying and caressed my face with his hand.

"Again? ... You know I'm not stopping with this ..." Daichi said and kissed my face.

When I didn't say anything, Daichi said, "You mean you hate me so much?"
I reached for his neck and pressed his forehead to mine.

"Daichi. I want to... I want you like before. But now they wont let me.. and ... DAICHI," I said.

Daichi put his hand to my ears and I felt a tremor in my throat.

"I love you," Daichi said, placing his hand over my eyes and his soft lips clinging to mine.

And then he wiped my tears with his hands. I put my hand on my face and then I felt a special comfort in my arms. I could smell Daichi again. I could touch him again ...

_____________________
To be continue...
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