Fools in Love

3- Sam

⚠️Trigger warning: ED⚠️

Sam

I watched as Noah grabbed a girl's hand and led them away. She was pretty. Really pretty. She had nice, long legs underneath her short leather skirt. I met her a couple times, her name was... something with a C? Maybe an S?

I wanted to throw up, but I also didn't want Noah to see how much that bothered me. It hurt to hear him be so cruel to me and see him with someone else. Not that I didn't deserve it, I knew I hurt him way worse. Didn't he know how much I regretted that? If I could go back in time and not hook up with Noah's friend, I would. But life didn't work that way and karma had a sick way of getting back to remind you of what you've done.

I stood there, my heart squeezing in pain as Noah walked right past me as if I didn't exist and out the front door.

To watch someone who meant so much to me, not wanting to even acknowledge me, was a hard pill to swallow. I made a mistake. Coming here was a mistake. I could be living in an apartment with my boyfriend right now. My boyfriend who I really really liked.

I texted Kai that I was leaving, but before I did, I went to the kitchen, poured myself a shot of tequila and downed it. Outside the house, I called Ben. "Hey, sweetheart," he answered. "You settled into your dorm?"

"Almost. I got invited to this First Saturday party at some frat house. I guess it's like a ritual to-"

"Don't you start School on Monday? You're already partying? Don't get involved in those crowds. It's bad news."

Sometimes I hated how good Ben was. Good in the sense of staying out of trouble. All work, no play. "It's Saturday night. It's not like I'm gonna get fucked up," I said defensively with a harsh tone, but I didn't mean to lash out at him. I was just upset at seeing Noah.

"... are you okay?"

I sighed. Ben seemed to always know when something deeper was bothering me. "I..." Something I forgot to mention to Ben? I was attending the same college my ex boyfriend was. "I'm fine. I'm sorry I was harsh." Ben knew Noah attended a university in Chicago, but didn't know which one.

"You're not okay. Tell me what happened, babe."

Babe. I didn't know how I felt about that.

Kicking a rock as I walked down the dark pavement towards the apartment building, I said a little nervously, "I have to tell you something..."

"Uh... okay. What's up?"

Rip the bandaid off. Rip the bandaid off. But I couldn't, so instead I said, "I just really miss you."

Ben chuckled softly, "you just saw me a few hours ago."

"Yeah, maybe I should've taken you up on the apartment offer," I jested which was a mistake.

"Please don't joke about that, not unless you're serious. I don't want to get my hopes up." Ben's tone was delicate, but with pain. Like a wounded puppy.

Guilt washed over me. "You're right, I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me to say." I made my way into my building

"It's okay." There was a moment of silence and I didn't know what else to say, but I didn't have to because after twenty or so seconds, Ben said, "I miss you too." I smiled to myself as I entered the elevator, pressing the '10' button. "So, I actually wanted to take you to a restaurant tomorrow night," my stomach felt woozy. "You don't have school Tuesday, right?"

"Right," I confirmed.

"Perfect, so I can pick you up at seven." And if Ben said seven, he meant exactly seven. He had never been late to any occasion. I knew he secretly hated it when I took longer to get ready, but he waited patiently and still offered me his opinion on my outfits when I would ask. "We'll go to this restaurant, you'll love it, it's Italian- authentic Italian," he pressed excitedly which made me chuckle, but I was glad he wasn't here in person, otherwise he'd know something was off.

He was doing this on purpose, taking me to a restaurant that serves my favorite foods and for what? Did he think that was going to make me magical fall in love with food and *bam* my relationship with food was restored.

But I knew Ben wasn't doing this to be cruel, he was trying to help, so I said, "Sounds good. And then you can spend the night in my dorm?" I suggested with a hint of lust in my tone (and also to change the subject).

"That was my plan," he chirped.

I pulled my dorm room key that was attached to my lanyard- 'Gay Crisis' written in black lettering all around it- and unlocked my door before entering.

"So... what have you eaten today?" I wanted to groan, but I refrained as I set all my stuff down, kicking off my shoes. That was the topic I was trying to avoid. "I had Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Their flatbread sandwich is really good," he told me. "What about you?"

"Um, I had... yogurt which you saw me eat this morning... some of those cashews you bought at the gas station," fuck, I swore I ate more that day.

"Mhm. And then?" He questioned when I didn't continue.

"And then... At the party there was some food." That wasn't a lie... I just didn't eat any of it.

"What kind?"

"Bennnn," That time I did groan. "Do you want me to send you videos of me eating?" I questioned, my mood shifting from annoyance to anger. But I knew I had no right to feel either of those emotions, Ben was only looking out for me.

"Baby, I just want to know you're taking care of yourself and eating. Promise me you'll eat something tonight."

"I-" sighing, I said, "I promise," it wasn't like I didn't know what I was doing was bad and it wasn't that I was doing this intentionally, but when my anxiety spikes— and seeing my ex has definitely sparked it— eating became harder. But still, I knew it was wrong. "I'm sorry," I murmured.

"You don't have to apologize. I just... I need you to be okay," Ben's voice cracked and I knew he was upset. I hated making him upset.

"I am," I assured, "I'm going to eat. Right now." I didn't even know what kind of food I had with me. Ramen, probably.

"Okay, good. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night, Baby."

"You too," I told him then hung up.

After getting into some comfy clothes- jogger sweatpants and a loose t-shirt- I made myself ramen. With my food in a bowl, I settled into my bed. I pulled my laptop out, pressing 'play' on The Vampire Diaries. I stared at the ramen, contemplating as the anxious feeling came back, but I knew how disappointed Ben would be if I didn't eat anything, so I forced myself to eat it anyway.

**

Thank you for reading.

-Xoxo, Bert